1.
You CANNOT change another person -- whether it be your husband or any other person, for that matter. You can only provide the environment or the conditions in which he will want to change.
What you are is a catalyst for change -- someone who influences your husband, rather than one who causes him to change. The fact is, you can't actually cause your husband to change -- but you can create the circumstances under which he'll change himself. The only one who can change a human being is himself (or herself). This principle is not unlike the principle at work in healing the human body. Taking a natural multivitamin does not cause the human body to get healed, but rather it provides the nourishment by which the body unlocks its innate ability to heal itself. The human body is a miraculous creation that has the potential of doing and accomplishing great things when it operates under ideal circumstances.
Likewise, when your husband is put into a nourishing environment that motivates and inspires him, he is capable of things you never thought he was capable of.
2.
The second reason why a wife usually fails in her attempts to change her husband is because she makes it quite obvious to her husband that she wants him to change. Most husbands are hurt and angered when their wives try to change them. As a result, they're even more reluctant to change. This goes back to the human need for acceptance. Lurking in your husband's subconscious is the thought that if you love him, why would you want to change him? Why can't you accept him for who he is -- all the good and all the bad? Your attempts at changing him also makes him feel incapable, inadequate and stripped of the respect and power that he needs.
This, then, brings us back to the original question: How do you, as a wife, change your husband?
By changing yourself, that's how!
You cannot change your husband directly -- but you can certainly change him indirectly by allowing him to change as a result of you making changes in yourself. If you think about it, changing yourself is really the only thing over which you have complete control.
When you change yourself, you create the environment, the conditions and the circumstances in which your husband will be willing to change himself.
"Oh no, it's not me who needs changing -- it's my husband!"
That's the common reaction I get from women to whom I've given this advice. They always protest and say "There's nothing wrong with me!"
Well, guess what? Your husband is thinking the same thing -- that there's nothing wrong with him that needs fixing.
The point I'm driving at is that while both you and your husband have the freedom to be exactly who you are, change does need to happen if you want to live happily together. And that change starts with you. Don't wait for him to change before you change yourself -- because if you do, nothing is likely to happen.
When you change certain aspects of yourself, the changes you make can't help but affect your husband in ways that will astonish you. That's when you'll gain the ability to motivate, inspire and mold him into the person he can be. It's like sculpting a rock into a work of art!
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