High Expectations from an Arranged Marriage

Date: 10-11-2009 2:36 pm (14 years ago) | Author: Succeed
- at 10-11-2009 02:36 PM (14 years ago)
(m)
:(Divorce or Annulment -  Salams need advice at this very difficult time in my life. I had an arranged marriage 2 years ago, before the nikah (Islamic marriage) everything was well - I was happy as was my family. However after the wedding ceremony I went to live with the new family and my husband. We have had no relationship: he has never held any interest in my feelings or emotions. He leads a separate life. He is always out late with his friends or working. After one month he moved into a separate bedroom. We have never consummated our marriage.

After 18 months of me trying to find out what the problem is, to no avail, I was told we should have a baby! I was depressed and miserable and very alone. This is not how I imagined marriage to be. His family who lived with us knew all of this, but did nothing. I was told it's no big deal, the family is what is most important, and we are both getting on in age.

I am educated, a lawyer, in my late 20s, and I belong to a loving decent British Muslim Pakistani family. I informed my parents after 18 months of living in his house like a stranger, and I was accused by his family of doing wrong, and why did I tell my family, because it's not a big issue, and I should go back. My father tried to have a man-to-man chat with my husband, but he refused, and they had an argument. My husband told me to come back, and how he would never speak to my father and I must pack my belongings and leave. Next day he told me through his family that he made a mistake. He wanted me to go back. I felt humiliated and had had no answers from him.

For 4 months he did not contact me then made contact through his family. I said I do not want to be with him after all of this. All I wanted were some answers, but I was made to leave him by packing up my belongings without any discussion or time to talk through our issues.

I had treated him fairly always with respect, care and a loving attitude, and treated his mother like my own. I have no arguments with them - he was just never interested. He said sorry, and that we should try again. I am devastated at his treatment of me, and why he does not give me any answers. He was always secretive, and led a separate life. I do not trust him at all now. This experience has left me feeling so depressed, alone and stigmatized because I will now be divorced through no fault of my own. I always tried to talk to him and find out why he treated me so uncaringly and unlovingly, but never are there any answers. He was never nasty, and I felt with time everything would be OK, but it just got worse and worse.

I have no peace of mind, and everything in my life and my family have been effected. His family accused me of being stubborn, and having high expectations in my marriage, because I will not give him a second chance. I am confused, but I cannot forget those 18 months of loneliness, and being utterly alone and miserable. I was away from my loving family, and trying to make my marriage work without any acknowledgement from him. Keeping this a secret from my family was very hard. Am I entitled to an annulment of the nikah because there has been no physical relationship? Or do I apply for divorce? Please help. Angry Sad Embarrassed

Posted: at 10-11-2009 02:36 PM (14 years ago) | Upcoming
- petolala at 10-11-2009 03:38 PM (14 years ago)
(m)
Seek Wisdom From God, Belive Things Will Be OK & Never Live Your Husban
Posted: at 10-11-2009 03:38 PM (14 years ago) | Newbie
Reply

fire TRENDING GISTS fire