Kola: whish one? the lipe one or
the unlipe one? He asks "Which one? The ripe
one or the unripe one?", some
people (like me) have trouble with
the 'r', and with some people, it
sounds like an 'l' Teacher: what difference does it
make? Just spell plantain!
Kola: Teasha, If you fly the lipe
one na 'DODO',
if you fly the unlipe one na
'SHIPS' if you loast am, na 'BORLI'
All of them na plantain,
so whish one you wan make I
spell? LONDON ZOO A Nigerian youngster who was
visiting the United Kingdom for
the first time was taken to the
London zoo for sightseeing. On
getting to the section where
monkeys are kept, he was amazed to see other tourists
giving out plenty of money to the
monkeys that were hopping
around doing acrobatics. The
more the acrobatics, the more the
tourists enjoyed the show and the more the money (hard currency)
the monkeys got. This young man suddenly had an
idea and when he got back to
Nigeria, he started learning all
kinds of acrobatics. He visited his
medicine man and asked for a
portion that will transform him into a monkey. During his next visit to London, he
went into the zoo and took the
portion and was transformed into
a monkey. He joined the other
monkeys and started his own
type of modern, systematic and attractive acrobatics. He soon
caught the attention of all the
tourists who wasted no time in
showering him with plenty of
pounds sterling. He was now
making more money than the real monkeys. The king of the monkeys didn't
like this and challenged the new
monkey to an acrobatic duel. The
contest was tough and very keen
but the new monkey won. The
king monkey had to go on exile in shame but before he left he set a
trap for the intruding monkey who
now became the new king. The next day, monkey business
started as usual, with money
coming in from the tourists. There
was this particular tourist who
really enjoyed the show that he
threw a lot of money into the cage. The new king pocketed his
money but to his amazement all
the other monkeys threw their
earnings into the adjacent cage.
The new king could not
comprehend this and would not allow all that money to go away
like that; so he jumped into the
adjacent cage to pick up the
money. It was only when he got
there that he realized it was a
lion's cage. The lion looked at him, looked at
the money and roared and started
toward the monkey who was now
sweating, shaking and foaming in
the mouth. Half way, the lion suddenly
stopped, looked at the monkey
again and said: "Oh boy, if no bi say we all na
Naija, I for show you." Hungry and Broke There were three men living
together in London. An Afro-
American, a West Indian and a
Nigerian. They were all starving
because they didn't have money
to buy food. However upon coming close to a
posh London restaurant in this
classy neighbourhood, they
decided to come up with a plan. The Afro-American went in first.
After being seated, he ordered a
three course meal with white
wine. When he had finished the
meal, the waiter came by with the
bill. "LISTEN MY MAN, I ALREADY PAID YOU!" - the
Afro-American shouted! The
waiter was very confused
because he could not remember
being paid. But because he did
not want to cause any trouble, he let the brother leave. Five minutes later, the West
Indian walked into the same
restaurant and ordered a five
course meal with red wine. When
he was finished eating, the waiter
came by to collect the money for the food. "HEY, HEY, LOOK AT
ME CROSSES. BUT AH PAID
YOU ALREADY!" - the West
Indian shouted. This time the
manager came and had to calm
down the West Indian, because he did not want anything to upset
the other customers. He let the
guy go. Ten minutes later, the Nigerian
walked in. And you know how we
are. He sat down. Lit up a
cigarette, and ordered the most
expensive meal on the menu,
plus two bottles of Beer. After he had finished, the waiter came to
collect the money for the meal,
But before the Nigerian could say
anything, the waiter spoke to
him."Sir, I have been having all
sorts of problems all day and I can't understand it. Two other
people like you came in earlier
and ate, and they say that they
paid me but I don't remember
getting any money from them so,
" Before he could finish, the Nigerian interrupted, rather
emphatically, "OGA I SORRY
FOR YOU OOOO. BUT DAT NA
YOUR PROBLEM. I JUST WANT
YOU TO GIVE ME MY
CHANGE!!" NNA, IYON AND KANABAR An Akwa Ibom passenger once
boarded a bus in Lagos. The bus
driver was an Ijaw man and the
conductor was a Calabar man. The Akwa Ibom man said to the
bus conductor, "Ah de ko ori oro." The conductor then told the
driver, "Idi-oro wa O." On the way, the bus had a flat
tire. The Ijaw man then told his
conductor, "Zackson, get the
zack, make you put the spare
tire. Make you no allow us sleep
for road in Nagos O." The conductor cracked up in
laughter, "Oka Yohn, you dey call
yack Zack, You no know say
dem no go understand you for
Dagos." One Igbo man then disembarked
the bus in anger and exclaimed,
"Ekolo Gbeja mi, Malu fo soke.",
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