This Woman Says She Hates Being a Black Woman!

    Dear Ellie,

    I am writing to you because I am at my wits end but I don’t even know if there is anything you can do to help me. I am a 38 year old, university educated, extremely overweight Black woman on the wrong side of the paper bag shade – much, much darker than the paper bag. I have tried every diet known to man in an attempt to lose weight but to no avail – in fact the older I get the more weight I gain. I have also tried skin bleaching and skin lightening creams on my face and my entire body but I gave up eventually because they are very time consuming – it takes a lot of time to administer all over the body. I don’t use them anymore. I hold down a full time job in a good, proffesional career and I am well remunerated. I do believe that I am witty, funny, intelligent and quite sociable and yet I am very much a single woman and have not been in a relationship for the last five years as no man would even look at me and the non-physical qualities I could offer – it’s all visual and physical with men: they all want the light skinned Halle Berry or Beyonce type. As for marriage – forget it, I have no chance. If slim light-skinned Black women in their late twenties and early thirties can’t find husbands then what chance is there for me?

    I have come to the conclusion that I will very likely remain overweight, unmarried and childless for the rest of my days and I blame it on the fact that I am Black. I do believe that Black women (especially those of West African descent as opposed to those of East African descent who naturally tend to have a taller, slimmer and lighter frame) do have a natural predisposition towards obesity and so it is not their fault that they are overweight.

    African American and Black British women are predominantly of West African descent – I don’t need to go over the history of the Slave Trade. We are constantly being criticised for being overweight but nobody ever considers the biological factors that cause our obesity in the first place. Of course we must watch our diet and do regular exercise but there’s no escaping the fact that Black women do have a natural predisposition towards obesity and this is embedded in our DNA thus putting us at a disadvantage when seeking a mate or spouse within the marriage market. Combine my being overweight with the fact that I am very dark skinned and have very short hair that just simply will not grow, much less reach anywhere near my shoulders, then you have an idea of what I am up against.

    All these “natural disadvantages” have started to get me down and I have really grown to hate the fact that I am a Black Woman. Yes, there I said it: I HATE BEING A BLACK WOMAN. I hate having hair that will not grow just like it does for White, Latina, and Asian girls. You may think it is trivial but these things really matter when looking for a mate, as men of all races are naturally drawn to women with a lot of hair on their head – so it does matter. (Yes, I have tried the weaves and wigs and they look plain horrible and fake, not to mention they cost too much money and time. The only peeople who can afford to have and maintain really good looking weaves and wigs on an ongoing basis are the super-rich like Beyonce or Janet Jackson). I hate being so dark skinned in a world where light skinned is prized so highly. At least overweight, light-skinned Black women have their light skin to fall back on – I have no such luxury, but most of all – I HATE BEING FAT, which I repeat, is caused by being Black.

    You may argue and say that obesity has no biological link to being Black but I would beg to differ. I find it to be too much of a coincidence that the highest rates of obesity just so happen to be within the Black female population – both in the USA and the UK. That tells me there is a biological link to all this. This is what has caused me to hate being Black more than anything else – I am fat because I am Black.

    Call me a self hater if you want, but there is no denying the bitter truth. I put on a brave, smiling face as I face the world and go about my daily business but on the inside I am overwhelmed with the hopelessness and despair of my situation.

    Yours sincerely
    Frustrated Black Female