I am tireedd of my MARRIAGE!!!

the fact is I need advices, support, anything to get me out of this situation.  I am soooo tired of my marriage and my husband, I am so tired of it all, playing all those mind games, trying to understand him, making efforts, shutting my mouth when hurt, not telling him what I really feel to not hurt his ego, going through hell in my personnal life without the right to complain,  I even reached the point of regretting marrying him and having a child with him, lately I've been wishing to go back to my single days and never ever marry in my life.

My husband is nothing terrible, which, in some aspects is even worse, he is proud and selfish, but also very "unchangeable", always the same, he enjoys smoking, drinking, hanging out with friends, he dreams about big money but just manages a small job. Other htan that he is honest, a good father (if I keep low expectations), doesn't beat me or anything like that, he participates in the home financial expenses and so on,  BUT no plans for the future, we never discuss anything, anytime we are together, I am just doing my thing while he's doing his. I'm going to bed alone every night. he has stopped clubbing so much but the first few years of marriage he would go out to club everynight (even if I was pregnant and alone at home) or at least a few times a week (when I was alone with a baby).

I don't share anything with him. I thought our relationship will grow more intimate with time but it seems it's getting worse. He was not much of a talker when we dated, now we don't even share more than the necessary daily life talks (what's for dinner and so on). we never share a meal together, even on week ends. he takes a nap after the baby takes his so we don't go out together. he never offers to have a "date" or anything to do together.  he stays stuck to his laptop at night and only comes to bed long after I'm asleep.

I make it sound like he is the one having all the faults but it's not true, I also have my own faults, I made mistakes in our relationship, I am very aware of it. It took time for us to know each other better, to understand our cultures and differences, and I have made a LOT of efforts. I wouldn't mind him telling me if anything I did was wrong, I just wanted a happy home and a blissful marriage, and I invested a lot in this relationship.

Now, when I look back, I have this bitter feeling that I was alone doing all of that. Though he did make some efforts, I never saw him making any "costly" effort. He'd never sacrifice anything or go out of his comfort zone for me. As time passes, I feel like I am an "investment" to him, nothing more than a watch or a car, something to take out on special occasions, to complete the picture of a "successful man" he wishes to show around.

I honestly don't know if he realizes how bad I feel about our relationship, despite my many attempts to talk to him. I'm sure we could stay married like that forever, I'd just be his maid, raised his kids, shut up about my feelings and personality,  and he'd come back every night to have dinner and believe he "achieved" something in life,

I am so sorry I poured out my life like that on a forum, and I really hope to get serious advices, maybe some hints on how to get things going from now,

Thank you

Posted: at 24-07-2011 10:25 AM (12 years ago) | Gistmaniac

Am very suprised to read this from u...
Did u ever try talking to him in a way he will understand. Just explain to him
how u feel abt ur marriage, and him. Show him that u are not happy!
If he loves u/understands u he will try. But u have to show him how to try, and explain him very well.
Dont just tell him ur not happy and he has to change, go into every detail and tell him
which changes u wud be happy with. Give him the feeling u will both work on the r/s and not
just him...so he wouldnt experience it as u taking his pride.

Well, did u ask urself already if u are willing to work on the relationship?

Take heart my dear 

Posted: at 24-07-2011 11:09 AM (12 years ago) | Addicted Hero

when the wine at d wedding at canaan got finished but because they invited JESUS he supply them new and the best wine.so my advice is that u should invite JESUS into ur marriage and u will never be tired of it again.call me on 08064642820 for prayer and advice

Posted: at 24-07-2011 12:54 PM (12 years ago) | Newbie

I was jus bout writing somethin that myt hurt u real gud buh I checked and saw it was u.......so !@#@#$%$^......ul be fine!..

Posted: at 24-07-2011 02:20 PM (12 years ago) | Gistmaniac

Dear,u really need communication in your relationship! You should have done it even from the beginning, because because some guys may not even realize what they are doing wrong if they are not being told! It's not good at all to bottle up,and I'm sure u realize it now!
Find a good time, because timing is really important, and try to discuss about everything with him!
I hope he cares enough to do something!

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Posted: at 24-07-2011 02:40 PM (12 years ago) | Hero

like i saw saying..if he really love you he will change ...if you are not telling him the things he is doing wrong he not going to change...moreover he will keep doing thinking he is doing the right thing...men [some]don't even understand themselves,you ave to push dem before they do things...my sister i feel you jare...pray is the key and communication....God will make away sis...

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Posted: at 24-07-2011 03:14 PM (12 years ago) | Addicted Hero

i see 

Posted: at 24-07-2011 03:45 PM (12 years ago) | Hero

lol 13th........yu shud be in joke forum

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Posted: at 24-07-2011 04:18 PM (12 years ago) | Addicted Hero

I was touch when i read this post. I'm going to hint out some point about love and possibly give u some Godly advice that u need to apply for the restoration of your love and happiness in your married home at the end of my comment.

Every relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, u fell in love with your spouse. U anticipated his call, wanted his touch, and liked his idiosyncrasies. Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a spontaneous experience. U didn't have to do anything, that's why it's called "falling" in love - because it's happening to u.

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept off my feet. Think about the imagery of that expression. It implies that u were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened to u. Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love diminish. It's the natural cycle of every relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive u nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if u think about your marriage, u will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when u were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage. At this point, u and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as u and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love u once had, u may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, church, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does not lie outside your marriage. It lies within it.

@Hopea23 said two things that i want to advice u against; Don't say u regret marrying him, don't give the devil chance to come into your marriage. Your negative proclamation about your marriage will give the devil chance to snare and hold your enemies marriage captive and not your's. Let the issues of marriage life proceed out of your mouth.

@truenaija2, now that u are going through this hard time, step up your faith and keep declaring God's word upon your marriage. U have to fight the good fight of faith by setling your marriage life upon christ. Don't get it hurt with your husband, hand over him to christ the authour and finisher of our faith.

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND
God almighty will give u knowledge, wisdom, strenght, courage, endurance, effort, zeal and detemination to succeed in your married life. Best of luck in all your endavours.

Posted: at 24-07-2011 06:58 PM (12 years ago) | Gistmaniac

@ Harold, very nice!

Posted: at 24-07-2011 07:16 PM (12 years ago) | Addicted Hero