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4249
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Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / Flying to Frankfurt |
on: 20-11-2009 05:19 AM
| | The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.The German controllers at Frankfurt Airport were a short-tempered lot. They not only expected you to know your parking location but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (PanAm 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground and a British Airways 747 (radio call Speedbird 206) after landing. Speedbird 206: "Good morning Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the active." Ground: "Good Morning, taxi to your gate." The British Airways 747 pulls onto the main taxiway and stops. Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?" Speedbird 206: "Stand by, ground, I'm looking up the gate location now." Ground (impatiently): "Speedbird 206, have you never flown to Frankfurt before?" Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, in 1944. But I didn't stop".
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4250
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Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / Crazy for God |
on: 20-11-2009 05:16 AM
| One sunday morning, A pastor wanted his congregation to be in high spirit. Pastor said Somebody do something crazy for de Lord. Everybody jumped and screamed. The pastor said u dont understand i mean something crazy, people rolled on d floor with excitement, the pastor said you are not there yet do something crazzzzy, one warri boy asked his friend, dem make we crase. His friend replid yes. He ran to the altar grab the offering bowl and ran away, the pastor realizing what has happend drop d mic and pursued him. Crazy indeed.  | | | | |
4251
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Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / Ghana man JJC |
on: 20-11-2009 05:13 AM
| A Ghanian JJC came into a party hall in USA and at a point, everyone has to introduce themselves, the first guy intro. himself as John Kelly from westcoast. the 2nd guy as Moore Ray from eastcoast, now it was the turn of the Ghana man and he seeing that everyone had, had to add coast, coast, coast... said my name's Kofi Asiedu from Goldcoast | | | | |
4252
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Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / Letter from daughter to father |
on: 20-11-2009 05:10 AM
| | A father passing by his teenage daughter's bedroom was astonished to
see the bed was nicely made and everything was neat and tidy.
Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the centre of the
pillow. It was addressed "Dad". With the worst premonition, he opened
the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:-
Dear Dad,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you, but I'm
leaving home. I had to elope with my new boyfriend Randy because I
wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.
I've been finding real passion with Randy and he is so nice to me. I
know when you meet him you'll like him too - even with all his
piercing, tattoos, and motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the
passion Dad, I'm pregnant and Randy said that he wants me to have the
kid and that we can be very happy together.
Even though Randy is much older than me (anyway, 42 isn't so old these
days is it? ), and has no money, really these things shouldn't stand
in the way of our relationship, don't you agree?
Randy has a great CD collection; he already owns a trailer in the
woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. It's true he
has other girlfriends as well but I know he'll be faithful to me in
his own way. He wants to have many more children with me and that's
now one of my dreams too.
Randy taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and he'll be
growing it for us and we'll trade it with our friends for all the
cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science
will find a cure for AIDS so Randy can get better; he sure deserves
it!!
Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of
myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know
your grandchildren.
Your loving daughter,
Rosie.
At the bottom of the page were the letters " PTO".
Hands still trembling, her father turned the sheet, and read:
PS:
Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house. I
just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my
report card that's in my desk center drawer. Please sign it and call
when it is safe for me to come home.
I love you!
Your loving daughter,
Rosie
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4254
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Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / THE CONFESSION(JOKE) |
on: 20-11-2009 04:59 AM
| | A man was sleeping on his deathbed. The man woke up to see his wife silently praying beside him.
He said, " Martha, I have something to confess to you."
She said, "No dear, save your energy."
He said, "I must tell you so I may pass on to heaven, I cheated on you."
She said, " I know, I poisoned you." | | | | |
4255
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Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / Ghana man JJC(JOKE) |
on: 20-11-2009 04:56 AM
| | A Ghanian JJC came into a party hall in USA and at a point, everyone has to introduce themselves, the first guy intro. himself as John Kelly from westcoast. the 2nd guy as Moore Ray from eastcoast, now it was the turn of the Ghana man and he seeing that everyone had, had to add coast, coast, coast... said my name's Kofi Asiedu from Goldcoast | | | | |
4257
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Forum / Relationships & Romance / He Said To Me .... I Said To Him(JOKE) |
on: 20-11-2009 04:38 AM
| | He said to me . . . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
I said to him . . . You wear pants don't you?
He said to me . . ..... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said . That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!
He said to me. ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
I said to him . .....Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
He said to me. ..... Why don't women blink during foreplay?
I said to him ... . They don't have time
He said to me. . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
I said to him .. . We don't know; it has never happened.
He said to me. . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good- looking?
I said to him . . . They already have boyfriends.
I said...What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
He said. .. . A widow.
He said to me . .. .. Why are married women heavier than single women?
I said to him . . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
SEND THIS TO A SMART WOMAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH AND TO THE GUYS YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT! | | | | |
4260
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Forum / Naijapals Base (Metro life) / Abia industrialists urge suspension of deregulation |
on: 20-11-2009 03:57 AM
| | ABA Chamber of Commerce, Industry, Mines and Agriculture (ACCIMA) has urged the Federal Government not to effect its planned de-regulation of the down stream oil sector during the Yuletide period, saying doing so will create more hardship for the populace, cause confusion and tension, as well as skyrocket prices.
ACCIMA's new president, Azuka Alagwu, gave the advice in Aba, Abia State, at the formal inauguration of the association's council and induction of new ACCIMA members. Alagwu, who is to lead the council, said ACCIMA is not against deregulation.
"What we are saying is that now is not the right time for it as we are approaching the Yuletide season, and cost of things, ordinarily should be high. If at all it should be done, it should be with a human face and not intended to put more suffering on the populace, the Nigerians have seen a lot in recent times", he said.
ACCIMA, which called on all tiers of government in Abia State to address the issue of multiple taxation by harmonising them, claimed that the issue has hindered businesses and caused embarrassment. The group admonished government officials to imbibe maintenance culture and have regards for tax-payers' money and other public funds.
Alagwau promised that his council would be proactive and remain relevant in the scheme of things, as well as committed to the enthronement of conducive business environment.
He said his association will mount more pressure on the authorities for the provision of uninterrupted power supply, good roads, liquefied natural gas, pipe-borne water, security of lives/property and other infrastructure necessary for business growth.
The Deputy Governor, Chris Akomas, who stated that the state government is doing its best within the limits of resources available to provide all the necessary facilities that thrive businesses, announced that the state has been collaborating with the Federal Government and investors towards securing the permits to build a refinery in Owaza in Ukwa-West Council and the Abia Cement Factory located at Isu in Arochukwu Council.
Congratulating the new ACCIMA president and his council, Akomas commended the association for operating what he called a 'well organised body' and wished them an eventful tenure. | | | | |
