LAGOS DRIVING QUIZ

Answers are in italic.
1.   What is the most important part of any car (or any moving vehicle)?
a.   tires
b.   brakes
c.   steering wheel
d.   air conditioning
e.   horn

2.   Which of the following is not acceptable in a traffic jam?
a.   driving (NOT "passing") in the 'opposite-direction-traffic-lane'
b.   making a 2 lane highway into 4 lanes
c.   hitting the vehicle on your left with your hand
d.   having the passenger on the right hit the vehicle on their right with your hand
e.   none of the above...they are all acceptable

3.   What is another name for a pedestrian?

Risktaker
4.   What is another name for a traffic light?

Wishful Thinking
5.   How much space do you leave between your car and the cars on your left and right side.

Minimum space to leave: 1 inch (2.5 centimeters)
Maximum space to leave: If the driver's left hand can not touch the car to his/her left, then there is too much space in between the cars. The same applies for a passenger on the right and the car to the right.
6.   Who is at fault in a collision
a.   the driver who changes lanes without using the signal or leaving enough room to merge.
b.   the driver who gets hit because he/she didn't honk loudly when the driver above started getting into his/her lane.

7.   Which of the following are you LEAST likely to see on the road as you are driving?
a.   A child selling items
b.   The elderly selling items
c.   Motorcycles zipping in and out of traffic
d.   People fighting
e.   Someone in a vehicle smiling and relaxed

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Hungry and Broke 
(Source: Unknown, but I know I've seen variations of this)

There were three men living together in London. An Afro-American, a West Indian and a Nigerian. They were all starving because they didn't have money to buy food.

However upon coming close to a posh London restaurant in this classy neighbourhood, they decided to come up with a plan.

The Afro-American went in first. After being seated, he ordered a three course meal with white wine. When he had finished the meal, the waiter came by with the bill. "LISTEN MY MAN, I ALREADY PAID YOU!" - the Afro-American shouted! The waiter was very confused because he could not remember being paid. But because he did not want to cause any trouble...he let the brother leave.

Five minutes later, the West Indian walked into the same restaurant and ordered a five course meal with red wine. When he was finished eating, the waiter came by to collect the money for the food. "HEY, HEY, LOOK AT ME CROSSES. BUT AH PAID YOU ALREADY!" - the West Indian shouted. This time the manager came and had to calm down the West Indian, because he did not want anything to upset the other customers. He let the guy go.

Ten minutes later, the Nigerian walked in. And you know how we are. He sat down. Lit up a cigarette, and ordered the most expensive meal on the menu, plus two bottles of Guinness. After he had finished, the waiter came to collect the money for the meal, But before the Nigerian could say anything, the waiter spoke to him."Sir...I have been having all sorts of problems all day and I can't understand it. Two other people like you came in earlier and ate, and they say that they paid me but I don't remember getting any money from them so...." Before he could finish, the Nigerian interrupted, rather emphatically, "OGA I SORRY FOR YOU OOOO. BUT DAT NA YOUR PROBLEM. I JUST WANT YOU TO GIVE ME MY CHANGE!!

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Yo mama is so fat, she walked past the TV and I missed 7 episodes of 60 minutes

Yo mama is so fat, she plays hopscotch like, "LA, Detroit, Dallas, Washington, "

Yo mama is so old that when Jesus said," let there be light" she was the one who flipped the switch

Yo mama is so old that when Jesus said "let there be light" he told your mom to move her fat ass out of the way.

Your mom is so fat, she has to put lipstick on with a paint roller

Your mom is so fat that when she went to the zoo, the elephant began to throw peanuts at her.

Your mom's teeth are so yellow that whenever she smiles, cars slow down

Your mom is so fat and black that when she went into the ocean, everyone yelled "oil spill!"

Your mom is so fat that she played King Kong’s stunt double

Your mom is so old that Jesus is in her yearbook.

What's the difference between your mom and a wh*re?, the wh*re gets paid.

Yo momma's so fat, she makes Free Willy look like a tic tac

Yo momma's so fat, when we played hide and seek I spotted her behind the Himalayas

Yo momma's so fat, when she walked in front of the TV I missed 3 commercials

Yo momma's so fat, the whale from Free Willy freed her

Yo momma's so fat, the last time she saw 90210 was on the scale

Yo momma's so fat, when she steps on the scale it says one at a time please

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