what i think is that you should go to a living church and make your ways right with GOD.By killing yourself you will add sin to sins,think of your eternity where you will go after you kill yourself.Do your self a favour by forgiving yourself,  the bible says Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus Romans 8:1.I pray that the Holy Spirit will interpret this message to you.Shalom

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