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1  Forum / Relationships & Romance / Leave her alone if on: 8-02-2013 05:45 PM
there are a lot of great women out there and there are some who would make you miserable too. So here are a few advice(s) that a mother would give to her son:

Leave her alone if:

1. She pressures you about marrying her.
2. She wants a baby in order to"get closer to you."
3. She thinks commitment in a relationship is outdated.
4. She uses sex as a means of control.
5. Her parents promise you a position in the company.
6. She doesn't know the meaning of "us."
7. She drinks on a regular basis or takes illegal drugs.
8. She measures success by dollar signs rather than happiness.
9. She has no interest in your opinion or feelings.
10. She thinks all responsibility should rest on your shoulders.
11. She wants to made love with you on the first date.
12. She considers her money"hers" and your money "hers."
14. She can't make a decision without "Mommy and Daddy."
15. She hopes to mold you into a man just like her father.
16. She constantly talks about an ex-love.
17. Her IQ is smaller than her shoe size.
18. She doesn't believe in "Til death do us part."
2  Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / If life where computers on: 8-02-2013 05:00 PM
Check this out guys..
How geekie can u be...

If life were like a computer:......
You could add/remove someone in your life using the control panel.

You could put your kids in the recycle bin and restore them when you feel like it!

You could improve your appearance by adjusting the display settings.

You could turn off the speakers when life gets too noisy.

You could click on “find” (Ctrl, F) torecover your lost remote control and car keys.

To get your daily exercise, just click on “run”!

If you mess up your life, you couldalways press “Ctrl, Alt, Delete” andstart all over!
Keep it rolling.....
3  Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / Lie detector machine on: 5-02-2013 07:00 AM
Check dis awt...
A man buys a lie detector robot that
slaps people who lie!! He decided to test
it at dinner with his son.... DAD: Son,
where were u today during school hrs
SON: at school (robot slaps son) SON:
okay, I went to the movies! DAD: which
one? SON: desi boyz....(robot slaps son)
SON: okay, i was watching porn! DAD:
what? Whn I was ur age I dnt know
even wht porn was? (robot slaps dad)
MOM: hahahaha:- After all he is ur son!!!!
ROBOT SLAPS MOM....
4  Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / Be the Judge! Were they right or wrong? on: 2-08-2012 01:25 PM
Be the Judge! Were they right or wrong?

Mr. Lagbaja, a business man, urgently needed to buy some new cars and so he drove down to Company A, an automobile dealer.
When he got to Company A’s gate, he blared his horn, requesting that the gateman open the gate so he could drive in.
The gateman refused, stating clearly that it was against the company’s policy – customers were not allowed to drive their cars into the company’s premises for any reason.

On hearing this, Mr Lagbaja asked to speak to the Manager. The gateman who felt he was doing his job, insisted that there was no point in seeing the Manager because the rules should not be bent. And so, Mr Lagbaja had to leave Company A and go over to Company B, a competing automobile dealer.

On getting to the gate of Company B, Mr Lagbaja was told again that he could not drive into the premises – company policy. Like he did at Company A, Mr Lagbaja asked the gateman if he could speak to the Manager.
This time, the gateman sent for the manager.
Mr Lagbaja explained to the manager that the reason why he could not leave his car parked outside was that he had about 50 million Naira in it and he felt it wasn’t safe.

On hearing this, the manager instructed the gateman to open the gate for Mr Lagbaja to drive in and he bought cars worth 50 million Naira. He also narrated to Company B manager, the experience he had with the gateman at Company A, and how he was turned back because the gateman insisted he couldn’t speak to the manager.

Now, the managers of both companies A and B happened to be friends, and so naturally, company B manager put a call across to company A manager and told him what he had heard from Mr Lagbaja and how much sales he had lost because he was turned back from the gate.

The gateman at company A was sacked immediately the story got to the ears of the management.

Be the judge. Were they right to have sacked the gateman?
Please drop your comments below…
5  Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / LESSON ABOUT HATRED on: 27-07-2012 07:59 AM
LESSON  ABOUT  HATRED

A kindergarten teacher decided to let her class play a game.
The teacher told each child in the class to bring along a plastic bag containing a few potatoes.
Each potato will be given a name of a person that the child hates.
So the number of potatoes that a child will put in his/her plastic bag will depend on the number of people he/she hates.
So when the day came, each child brought some potatoes with the name of the people he/she hated.
Some had 2 potatoes; some 3 while some up to 5 potatoes.
The teacher then told the children to carry with them the potatoes in the plastic bag wherever they go (even to the toilet) for 1 week.

Days after days passed by, and the children started to complain due to the unpleasant smell let out by the rotten potatoes.
Besides, those having 5 potatoes also had to carry heavier bags.
After 1 week, the children were relieved because the game had finally ended...

The teacher asked:
"How did you feel while carrying the potatoes with you for 1 week?".
The children let out their frustrations and started complaining of the trouble that they had to go through having to carry the heavy and smelly potatoes wherever they go.

Then the teacher told them the hidden meaning behind the game.
The teacher said:
"This is exactly the situation when you carry your hatred for somebody inside your heart. The stench of hatred will contaminate your heart and you will carry it with you wherever you go. If you cannot tolerate the smell of rotten potatoes for just 1 week, can you imagine what is it like to have the stench of hatred in your heart for your lifetime???"

Moral of the story:
Throw away any hatred for anyone from your heart so that you will not carry bad odour for a lifetime.
Forgiving others is the best attitude to take!
HATRED STINKS!
6  Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / LOVER LETTER FRM UR BLACKBERRY. on: 18-07-2012 08:40 PM
A LOVE LETTER FROM
YOUR BLACKBERRY ☀
Dear Owner,
• I'm so lucky I'm your
BlackBerry!
• You hold me with both hands
gently as you could be.
• You ensure that I am always
with you.
• If I fall you are afraid of my
injury.
• I always have your undivided
attention, you get upset if others
disturb our time together.
• You can never forget me in a
taxi & you won't let me go unlike
my old friends nokia, sony and
samsung etc.
• When you eat, I'm beside you.
When you are in the toilet, I'm
with you. When you sleep my head
is by your pillow.
• When I scream you rush and
pick me up like an egg.
• When I feel low, you make
every effort to recharge my
battery. When I am hungry, you
fill me with airtime.
• You buy me all sorts of clothes to
cover my precious skin. And if I
make u feel like a cowboy u strap
me to ur waist or jeans.
• Every month you ensure that you
set aside the money, to buy me
bundles (of love).
• You upgraded me from my
friends nokia, sony and samsung
to a curve, bold & torch.
• You rush home from work and
spend quality time with me; not
really bothered to make a
conversation with those at home.
• You can sit up with me for hours
and smile at me, yet I have no
humanly emotions; sometimes I
make u laugh that people think you
are mad.
• I watch your wife/hubby or your
bf/gf who envies our time
together.

But Dearie,
☀ I appeal to you. Your life is
wasted because of me ☀
☀ Take some time, leave me aside
and Sort out issues that are
important to you, because I may
love you as much as you do love
me, but I'm just a blackberry,
nothing more
7  Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / Re: God of War 2 on: 15-07-2012 12:46 PM
go report stone to Police, he go free ur horse.
8  Forum / Relationships & Romance / Re: ladies ...ladies..nid ur answers on: 14-07-2012 04:15 AM

@[829:0]
9  Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / WHO LIKE MONEY PASS on: 12-07-2012 07:51 PM
Who Like money pass ;
(A) Police
(B) Thief
(C) Girls
(D) Politician
(E) Igbo man
10  Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / TRADITIONAL BANKING IN NIGERIA on: 11-07-2012 03:28 PM
TRADITIONAL BANKING IN NIGERIA
As the CBN Governor sat down to invent Islamic Banking for Nigerians and the President of CAN also thought of Christian Banking, we have also taken time to conduct a survey and came up with Traditional Banking for Nigeria.
It will be the simplest and yet the mostsecured and complicated way of trusting and keeping your money with us.
The name of the bank nationwide will be SANGO Bank of Nigeria (SBN).
Your money will be transported spiritually to any destination of your choice (local and overseas).
OPC will be the chief security at all banklocations in the SouthWest.
Egbesu in the South South.
MASSOB in the SouthEast.
Boko Haram in the North.
(So you know why your money is safe)
No need for ATM when you can just sitat home and send or receive your money by reciting some incantation on a piece of red cloth stuffed in a cow horn.
The following documents will be required to start banking with us immediately:
(1) the beards of a young mosquito
(2) the left last toe of a cockroach
(3) three strains of a lion's hair
(4) a snake's egg
(5) five drums of palm oil
(6) six yards of white cloth.
We also offer internet banking for the yahoo fans.
For more enquiries, please visit our website:
www.sangobankng .com
or
call Obatala on 0803-THU-NDER.
We promise to serve you best.
SANGO BANK OF NIGERIA
.....wouldn't u rather bank with us
LMFAO!!!!
11  Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / If you can answer these Questions, I bet, you are Smarter than Google!!! on: 10-07-2012 01:42 AM
If you can answer these Questions, I bet, you are Smarter than Google!!!
.
.
1. If swimming is a good exercise to stay fit, why are whales fat?
2. Shall I say that there is racial discrimination even in the game of chess as the white piece is moved first?
3. We have freedom of speech, then why do we have telephone bills?
4. If money doesn’t grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
5. Why doesn’t glue stick to its bottle?
6. If you aren’t supposed to drink and drive why do bars have packing lots?
7. If to abbreviate is to make a word short, why is abbreviation such a long word?
8. If attendance at an event is strictly by invitation, why publicize it on TV?
9. If towels are meant to dry our clean bodies after bathing, why wash towels?Where do they get the dirts from...Huh?
12  Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / Re: What is your phone name? on: 21-06-2012 03:56 AM
nice one
13  Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / TROUBLESOME MAID on: 21-06-2012 03:27 AM
A guy went with his friend to vist his girl family from a very rich home. D maid approached him and asked:-
maid: what would u like 2 have, fruit juice, yoghurt, tea, chocolate, cappuccino, frapuccino or coffee?
guy: Tea pls.
maid: ceylon tea, indiana tea, herbal tea, kericho gold tea, bush tea or green tea.
guy: ceylon tea pls
maid: how do u want it, black or white?
guy: white
maid: milk or fresh cream?
guy: with milk
maid: goat milk or cow milk?
guy: cow milk pls
maid: freezeland cow or africana cow?
guy: umm, let me go with the freezeland cow.
maid: would u like it with sweetner, sugar or honey?
guy: sugar
maid: bee sugar or cane sugar?
guy: cane sugar
maid: white, brown or yellow sugar?
guy: i beg forget about the tea, just give me a glass of water.
maid: mineral, tap or distilled water?
guy: mineral water.
maid: flavored or non flavored?
guy: infact get me an empty glass.
maid: do u want a tumbler, wine glass, champagne, flute or beermug?
guy: i beg free me, i go swallow my spite.
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