Show Posts
Of all the topics couples discuss when they are still dating, one of the most contentious is how to handle money when they get married. It is the least topic on which they spend quality time. ‘How do you view finances’ is a rare conversation engaged in by couples while dating. Needless to say, this is one of the most important areas of emphasis. There is the belief that good sex in a marriage will be hampered if money does not readily flow.
Financial harmony is one of the gateways to segxwal bliss. Money is such a crucial issue and married partners must know that their partners have strong feelings about money. Some spouses hoard money, while others are carelessly generous. Some have a huge appetite for financial risk while others avoid them. Some invest conservatively, others take great risks. Still, others are afraid to deal with money at all. And consciously or unconsciously, many spouses may trade sex for money in marriage. These deeply inbuilt feelings and behavoiur can make it hard for couples to have common grounds on the issue of money.
This is the cause of many problems in marriages.
Financial harmony cannot result when couples have conflicting views on money. Of course, when couples do not agree on the issue of money, they can hardly reach an udnerstanding on the issue of sex. Those feelings and actions are actually based on partners’ unique money personalities, parental influences, past life experiences, prevailing economy situation, moral decay and misplaced societal priorities. It has been discovered that most couples would rather talk about their sex lives than their money conflicts. Marital conflicts arise not because of money itself, but because of couples’ contradictory emotions and attachment to money.
Take Richard and Clara, for example. They were 45 and 37 respectively when they got married. So naturally, one might have thought they would have been financially set with an understanding of basic money management. The problem was their ‘understanding’ was not at the same level.
Their financial mindset and understanding were poles apart. This is just because both of them had different money models. Several money issues can be traced to the models set by our parents, guardians or heroes. When Richard was growing up, his mum and dad kept separate bank accounts. They had a system for ‘who’ paid ‘what’ bills; ironically this was the same financial system Richard expected to practise in his marriage.
Clara’s parents handled money quite differently. They had one joint account with one cheque book. But her father did not live long, leaving Clara’s mum to depend on family members, friends and numerous sex partners for survival. While both Richard and Clara were dating, he rarely allowed her to pay for anything on their dates. Clara just assumed that Richard enjoyed treating her ‘specially’, so she never questioned it. But at the same time she believed that she had a right to receive financial rewards anytime they had sex. She also assumed that when married, they would automatically open a joint account, just like her parents did.
In this type of situation, it is better for the couple to open a joint account. They should also keep a separate account where a small portion of Richard’s income is deposited for his own use since Clara is better with budgeting.
