lol

A woman writes to the IT Technical support Guy

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as
Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0, NO MONEY 3.0 and FOOTBALL 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?

Signed,


_______ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________
Reply

DEAR Madam,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme. Html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5, 

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5 or Beer 6.1.
Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.
We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Good Looks 7.7.



Lastly, Please remember to install and update to JesusWindow made by HeavenSoft

Good Luck

Read the header. Of course if you're asked publicly by friends or other questioners, you would likely deny it.  But have you ever at some point cried over a girl, publicly, privately? If yes, why?. . . Don't lie!

I've heard about and read stories of guys falling off mechanisms, breaking bones in their bodies, bleeding from their noses with knots all over their faces who still dont' cry over these injuries.  Yet these very same dudes can sob like new-born babies over a babe.

lolz

nice one


SO

Okay some weeks back I heard my buddy Yaddie was walkin’ in the corridor of whats-the-name-of-that-hospital? and kicked a friggin’ bucket. Not like I cared anyway (Duh? Itz not my foot) buh I decided to ring him and..er..razzle his brain a bit.

Ring..Ring..Ring….Diing! *Number busy*

Redialling…*Ring…Ring..*

Voice: Who be dis?
Breezi: You must be very stupid oh. Shey dat phone no get Caller ID ni? Will u give dat phone to Yaddie! Stupid overzealous Idiot like you!

*A few minutes later*

Yaddie: Hey! Wassup Homeboy?
Breezi: Ogbeni! Aw u dey nah? No vex say I noe call u since u go vacation oh.. Aw Saudi nah?

Yaddie: Guy! Saudi dey jare.. Aw Naija nah? Fuel don dey now shebi?
Breezi: Yez Boz! My Gen. dey on sef.. I dey Jam ‘Dead Presidents by Jay Z’ as I dey follow you yarn so..

Yaddie: I get am for my iPod. Mehn that track is iLL. Heard from Goodluck yet?
Breezi: No jare! That guy dey avoid me like Lagos traffic.

Yaddie: *laughs* So who’s trending on Twitter now? Mutallab or me?
Breezi: Mutallab ke? Joor oh.. U sabi Nigerians now, just like Reverend King, We’re gradually forgettin’ him and his made-in-Aba bomb oh jare.. Next to Haiti, u’re tha Shiznit!

Yaddie: That’s Wassup!
Breezi: Yes homie! How’s Turaya doing?

Yaddie: Mmcheew! The bitch won’t let me be mehn.. She screens every nurse enterin’ ma room.. Like I got tha strength to get some head..
Breezi: Yeah I know homie. First ladies are always like that jor. I feel ur pain.

Yaddie: So wassup Breezi? U’ve always flashed, how come u calling today? Where did u steal credit?
Breezi: I’m using Mumsys’ phone jor.. I jus’ wanted to clarify some National Issues.. I tried calling Baba Iyabo but the old Ape ain’t picking.

Yaddie: Oh u’ve not heard? There’s no network at Ota farm.. Somebody keeps privatising all the MTN mast there.. So wassup with u? How’s Yeepa! doin’?
Breezi: Nuffin’ much really.. we heard u were sick, in comatose, dead and long gone. How true is that?

Yaddie: Dead men don’t talk homie. That’s rumour ya got right there. I’m fine, jus’ got a little pile is all..
Breezi: O’boi.. Na Jedi-Jedi carry u go Saudi? So ur Kidney is fine? We even heard ur brain did wake-keeping recently. Mehn u tight gan oh..

Yaddie: Yes Boss! I’m fly like that. Tax payers have been quite generous u know? Those wey no dey pay na dem dey spread rumour now… They want to spoil our 7 terms calendar…er…I mean 7 point agenda. U grab?
Breezi: Yes oh.. A lot of peeps won’t stop botherin’ me.. They keep askin’ me: ‘Where’s Yaddie?’.. ‘Is he going Abacha on us?’.. ‘Are we changing PHCNs’ name this year?’ ..U know, too many Jamb questions like that..

Yaddie: Yeah, I know. That’s why I called BBC to say hello, NTAs’ numbers wasn’t going through, MTN was phyukin’ up as usual. I should’ve called CNN but credit just finished.
Breezi: ..Yeah I heard u called BBC. Fly ass Nicca like u.. Ur Alibi is fly mehn.. Ya got SwaG.. SauceKiD has got nuffin’ on u mehn.. But dem suppose shoot video for u now?

Yaddie: No time. Clarence Peters no dey work on credit. Anyhow sha Na me be fly boy..
Breezi: Yes ke?! I dey believe u dead! U dey scatter my punk! Ooshe! Yaddie toh bad! Oya now..P..D..P…???!

Yaddie: POWER! Power to the FG mehn!
Breezi: What?!

Yaddie: Sorry I meant Power to the people..
Breezi: Shut tha phyuk up! No be u dey talk jor!

Yaddie: Ahn-ahn! Show me some respect guy.. Because we been dey drink monkeytail together no mean say make u insult me nah. It’s me mehn.. Itz ya homeboy Yaddie!
Breezi: phyuk that! Yaddie would’ve said ‘Fower’ not Power.. Yaddie gat an accent mehn.. Besides Yaddie doesn’t scream.. He would’ve whispered: ‘Fower to the Fifle!’..

Yaddie: I dey abroad mehn.. U noe what they say: When in rome act like romans..
Breezi: Romans ko, Corinthians ni.. You’re dead! Tell that Hajiya of urs to bring ur body home she can’t keep on claimin’ ur obese salary.. Bye deadbody!
Yaddie: Hold on a sec.. Breezi no fall my hand! I’m alive.. I swear! I will support ur Paraga canning business.. Wait! Damn!

..*Line Dead*..

here

so as everybody else
whts ur point

A few weeks ago in the UK, a team of 6 IT professionals won the Euromillions lottery jackpot of £85million.
One of them had actually been chasing a chick for months, spending all his hard earned money on her to please her, but she kept leading him on and mouthing him off with her friends saying he's too chav, his dressing and general appearance was not appealing and he was not fun to be with. . .  After like 6 months she finally told him straight off that he stood no chance with her on the friday his syndicate played the lucky numbers.

Dude walks into the office the very next monday only to discover he was now a multi millionaire, news spread, chick hears it, and now the same chick desperately wants a relationship with him. . .

Why are women like this?

of cus
dats why she hides her bag for me plus she always go in my pocket as well looking for left overs

wake up den

^^^^^^same to yours

whats wrong with you guys its only a joke
why are u guys taking it serious
na wa o

Men have always accused their wives of stealing their money. However, women are also of the opinion that some men steal from their wives.

Can you steal your wife’s money?

A married was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions over-came them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep, awakening around eight PM.
As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied. He slipped into his shoes and drove home. "Where have you been?!" Demanded his wife when he entered the house. The man was suddenly struck with remorse at the way he had betrayed this woman he loved. "Darling, I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary; and we've been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until eight o'clock." The wife looked devastated, and glanced down at his shoes. "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!"

me

Pick a letter, any letter, and string together a sentence using words that ONLY begin with that letter.

The rules are simple, the sentence must make SOME semblance of sense, and the words must be real words, mostly.

OK.

Sadly, someone stole Sid's slick sixty-six Stingray. Since Sunday, some sucker's surely southbound. Some supertrooper somewhere spotting Stingray speeding, should surely stop. Sending said SOB, say.... Sing Sing? Sure!

Ashley Cole has just been pulled over by the police for doing 140mph, the officer asked him why he was going so fast.
Cole replied that he had just received a call from his neighour that John Terry's car is packed in front of his house 

 

LOL

na wa o