A woman buys a new sim card, puts it in her fone 2 surprise her husband who is seated on d couch in d living room, she goes to d kitchen,maps her voice sexy & calls her husband with the new numba "hi darling",d husband responds in a low tone "let me call u back later honey,dat pig is in d kitchen"

A naija BOY ABROAD called his mum 2 say he's got AIDS, his MUM BEGGED him not to come BACK HOME, surprisingly HE asked his mUM wHY? n she REPLIED, " if u come, ur WIFE go get am & give ur YOUNGER BRO, who go Give HOUSE GIRL & she self go give ur PAPA & ur papa go give ME, & I go give DRIVER who go give ur SISTER, if ur sister get am, dat is to say d VILLAGE don get am be dat! We are countin on u to die ALONE ooooh.

Please prevent yourself and your spouse from contacting diabetes.
A couple that had been married for 20 long years were both recently diagnosed with diabetes.
... Findings showed that they both contracted the disease as a result of the names they called each other:
Honey pie, sweetie, sugar, sweetheart, hot chocolate etc.

Start now to call ur spouse names like;
Yoyo Bitter, Bitter leaf, Otasi, Oroki, Otutupoyoyo, Bitter kola, Dongoyaro, Swedish bitter, bitter lemon, Alabukun, Atawewe, apooro, Epa ijebu etc.

HAVE A HEALTHY AND SUGAR FREE ROMANTIC LIFE.

A girl fell down from 80th floor.A boy caught her on 65th floor n asked her: "Will you hug me ?"She replied: "No"The boy dropped her.She was caught on 30th floor by another boy. He asked her:"Will you kiss me ?"She replied,"No not at all"He dropped her too.She prayed for a last chance when a boy caught her on 5th floor. She immediately said,"I will hug you and kiss u."The boy dropped her saying,"Astaghfirullah!(4give me Allah)

A dad buys a lie detector robot which slaps pple wen dey lie.He decides to test it at dinner. Son, where were U today? Son says "at schl dad."Robot slaps the son!"Ok, i watched a dvd at my mates!""Wat dvd? Toy story."Robot slaps d son again!"Ok, it was a porno" cries the son."Wat! When I was your age I didn't know what porn was" says the dad.Robot slaps the dad!Mum laughs"HaHaHa! He's certainly your son

Teacher:Students if a=b & b=c ,then we can say that a=c.Give me on more example…
(A boy stands up and says…)

Boy:Mam if i love you and you love your daughter then i love your daughter..!!!!

There were 11 people – ten men and one woman – hanging onto a rope that came down from a helicopter.

They all decided that one person should get off, because if they didn’t, the rope would break and everyone would die.

No one could decide who should go, so finally, the woman gave a really touching speech saying how she would give up her life to save the others, because women were used to giving up things for their husbands and children, giving in to men, and not receiving anything in return.

When she finished speaking, all the men started clapping.

A MAN WANT TO MARRY,THE FIRST WOMAN HE MARRIED WAS A TEACHER ,WHEN THEY ARE MAKING LOVE AT NIGHT,THE WOMAN WILL BE SAYING HONEY PLEASE REPEAT!! REPEAT!!!.THE MAN GOT ANGRY AND DIVORCE HER. HE GOT MARRY TO A LAWYER,AT NIGHT WHEN THEY ARE MAKING LOVE,SHE WILL BE SAYING NO EVIDENCE!!NO EVIDENCE!!!,HE GOT ANGRY AGAIN AND DIVORCED HER.HE MARRIED A GEOLOGIST,AT NIGHT SHE WILL BE SAYING HARDER!!DEEPER!!! DEEPER!!!,HE ALSO DIVORCE HER AND FINALLY GOT MARRIED TO A CIVIL ENGINEER,WHEN MAKING LOVE WITH HER AT NIGHT SHE WILL BE SAYING HONEY ANY THING WE CANNOT FINISH TODAY WE CAN CONTINUE TOMORROW  AND THAT WAS HOW THEY STAY TOGETHER ALL THEIR MARITAL LIFE.                                                         

Dad asked his son: Whenever i beat you how do u stop your anger?
Son replies: I start cleaning the toilet.
Dad asked: How does that help u?
Son: I clean it with your toothbrush

 
 A teacher asked his  student to spell the word- cow..........


Teacher; Sam Kull stand up, " Spell cow.....


Student; Sir, this is not fair, why don't you ask me to spell  mosquito instead,..... Cow is too big for me to spell.

 There was a crazy couple who had been married for 20 years and when ever they wanted to make love the husband will insist that they switch of the light..this was what went on for 20 yrs then one night the wife out of curiosity switched on the light during one of their love making sessions and found out that the husband was using an electronic segxwal device on her and in frustration the wife yelled YOU IMPOTENT BASTARD NOW EXPLAIN WHAT ALL THESE IS ALL ABOUT!!!!!!! the husband remained calm and looked into her eyes and said I WILL EXPLAIN THIS IF U CAN EXPLAIN THE KIDS!!!

A Nigerian lady got married to a chinese guy, she got pregnant and gave birth to a son. The baby died after six days,at the funeral,her Aunt came crying....:'( saying,I KNEW IT ! I KNEW IT!! Curious relatives took d aunt to a nearby corner and asked her what she meant by KNEW IT!! she said,I KNEW IT.....CHINA PRODUCT NO DEY LAST!

Wife was sure that her husband was cheating on her with the maid so she laid a trap. One evening she suddenly sent the maid home for the weekend & didn’t tell the husband, That night when they went to bed the husband gave the old story: Excuse me my dear, my stomach, & went to the bathroom The wife promptly went into the maid’s bed. She switched the lights off. Then in he came silently, He wasted no time or words but quickly got on top of her… When he finished & still panting, the wife said: You didn’t expect to find me in this bed, did you? & switched on the light… No madam, Said the gardener

I can see that you are a bitch with mosquito brain for saying you intentionally wrote that. If nobody can do anything to you think of God that will punish you in many ways. Idiot

eight babies in 12 months. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm 

. You are very stupid for saying Quran is rubbish. Assuming you know what you have use your useless mouth to commit, you should be in your church and start asking fro forgiveness. Nonsense

Hubby & Wyf agrees dat anytime dey wanna have sex,they'll call it a 'FONE CALL'.1 day,d hubby sends his son 2 tell his mother dat he wnts 2 mk a fone call & mother replies; tell ur father dat there is no netwrk.
HUBBY:Tell ur mother dat if there's no netwrk @ home, I'll go 2 a public fone.
 WYF:Tell ur dad dat if he dare visits a public fone den I'll open a call-centre

The boss came early in the morning one day and found his manager kissing his secretary.

He shouted at him, "Is this what I pay you for?"

The manager replied: "No, sir, this I do free of charge."

Generous lawyer
A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."

The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"