LAFF MATTERS
Late in 1994, an 87 year old man passed on in a village close to Amai, Kwale, Delta State . The late man's grand son, Ufiaka (26 years old and fairly educated), was given some money and asked to travel to Agbor to buy a fine casket for his grand pa's burial. Ufiaka left base early and arrived Agbor in good time to purchase the casket and make the return journey same day,
He was fortunate to get an open back white coloured Peugeot 404 pickup heading for Amai. He, however, had to ride in the back of the pickup with the casket because two market women travelling to Amai were already seated in front with the driver.
On the home journey, they ran into a heavy rain storm close to Uronigbe and Ufiaka quickly opened the casket, lay himself nicely in the well padded interior, covered the lid and used the folded newspaper he had with him to leave a small opening between the lid and the main body of the white casket to ensure adequate ventilation.
The interior of the casket was very comfortable and Ufiaka soon fell into a very deep sleep.
The rain had subsided at the time the pickup van arrived at Umutu and during a brief stop there, two men travelling to Amai boarded the vehicle at the back and the same happened at Ubiaruku where a man and a woman travelling also to Amai entered the vehicle. All this while, Ufiaka was enjoying his beauty sleep inside the Casket completely unaware of the new passengers who boarded at Umutu and Ubiaruku.
The pickup van arrived Amai just after 5p.m. and the driver, who was now very hungry, stopped in front of a busy bukataria to have a quick bite before proceeding onto the next village.
The sudden stoppage and revving of the pickup's engine woke Ufiaka who then opened the lid of the casket and rose up.
Trouble come start!
The passengers in the back of the pickup jumped out of the vehicle from various points and took to their heels in various directions.
The people eating in the buka (including the mama-put and her service girls) who saw the white casket open, and a "ghost" step out, ran off all over the place some with balls of eba and akpu in their hands.
Ufiaka, seeing people running 'helta skelta' was convinced that armed robbers were operating and decided to take-off in the direction three of the passengers, including the woman, were running. When the three passengers realised that Ufiaka was running towards them, they increased their speed and shouted "ghost! ghost!" and, to further worsen the situation, Ufiaka was dressed in white up and down with white shoes to match that day.
With the shouting of 'ghost', other people in their homes came out to see what was going on and on seeing people running at high speed all over, they joined in the race for their dear life and the number just swelled.
The driver and the two market women were the only people who knew what was on going and they had a hell of a time calming the people down and explaining that … he merely needed shelter, while it was raining ,
computer wahala
Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is
Martha, I can't print. Every time I
try, it says 'Can't find printer.' I've
even lifted the printer and placed it
in front of the monitor, but the
computer still says he can't find it,
Customer: My keyboard is not
working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's
plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the
computer.
Tech support: Pick up your
keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK.
Tech support: Did the keyboard
come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the
keyboard is not plugged in. Is there
another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one
here. Ah, that one does work.
Tech support: What antivirus
program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an
antivirus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry, Internet
Explorer
A female customer called the
Canon help desk with a problem
with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it
under Windows?
Customer: "No, my desk is next to
the door, but that is a good point.
The man sitting in the cubicle next
to me is under a window, and his
printer is working fine."
Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press
the control and escape keys at the
same time. That brings up a task
list in the middle of the screen. Now
type the letter "P" to bring up the
Program Manager."
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard,
Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: "P",(pee) on your
keyboard, Bob.
Customer: NO! I'M NOT GOING TO DO
THAT!!
A Girl Dialed Her Own Number From Her
Boyfriend's Cell To See Her Name Saved In
List Like Doll Or Sweetie.
She Was Shocked To See
.
.
.
.
.
Rasheed Plumber
A jamaican rastaman went to the hospital for treatment on his badly burnt ears. The doctor
asked him: How did u get your ears so badly burnt???: Hear him;
PATIENT: I iron mi shirt and
won eddiat bwoy caal me upon mi cell fone and insteada mi ansa da fone, mi pick up da iron and ansa it:
DOCTOR: Ok That explains one ear, but how do u explain the other ear ?
PATIENT: The bombastic eediat caal mi back!
3 Contractors are bidding 2 fix a broken fence at, d White House
1 from India, 1 from Chinese the third a Nigerian.They went to
White House official to examine the fence. The Indian takes out
a tape and does some measuring, works some figures, he said,the
job will cost $900 [material $400, labor $400 & $100 profit].
The Chinese does the same & said I can do it for $700 [material
$300, labor $300 and $100 profit]. The Nigerian doesn't measure
or figure, but whispers, $2700 to the official. The White House
official say, you didn't even do any measurement, how did you
come up with such a high figure? The Nigerian replied $1000 for
me, $1000 for you & $700 to hire the Chinese to do the job. DEAL
or NO DEAL? White man smile its a DEAL
Two weeks ago was my forty-fifth birthday, and I wasn't feeling too hot that morning anyway. I went to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say “Happy Birthday,” and probably have a present for me.
She didn't even say “Good Morning,” alone any “Happy Birthday.” I thought, “Well, that's wives for you. Maybe the children will remember.”
The children came in to breakfast and didn't say a word.
When I started to the office I was feeling pretty low and despondent. As I walked into my office, my secretary, Janet, said, “Good morning boss, Happy Birthday.” And I felt a little better; someone had remembered.
I worked until noon. Then Janet knocked on my door and said, “You know, it's such a beautiful day outside and it's your birthday, let's go to lunch, just you and me.” I said, “By George, that's the best thing I've heard all day. Let's go.”
We went to lunch. We didn't go where we normally go; we went out into the country to a little private place. We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously.
On the way back to the office, she said, “You know, it's such a beautiful day. We don't need to go back to the office, do we?” I said, “No, I guess not.” She said, “Let's go to my apartment.” After arriving at her apartment she said, “Boss, if you don't mind, I think I'll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable.”
“Sure,” I excitedly replied. She went into the bedroom and, in about six minutes, she came out carrying a big birthday cake, followed by my wife, children and dozens of our friends. All were singing “Happy Birthday” and there on the couch I sat, Unclad.
Sophizzy: hey Idowu, i jst got ma blackberry ooh, I'll buy my pin nxt week.
Idowu: U try o! Me i don dash tanimz my own
Sophizzy: Why na?!
Idowu: Because blackberry don taya me, nw na BB i dey use!
Sophizzy: Is your BB nokia or samsung?
Idowu : No Ode my BB Is an LG!
from left to right
Stephen153, Skypon and Emejuru in an official meeting of the elders of the joke forum
If any one has been posted b4, i may not know cos i have been away for some times...........how una dey?
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