| During one of our seminar, a woman
asked a common question.
She said,"How do I know if I married
the right person?"
The lecturer noticed that there was a large man
sitting next to her so she said, "It
depends. Is that your husband?"
In all seriousness, she answered "How
do you know?"
Let me answer this question because
the chances are good that it's
weighing on your mind. Here's the
answer.
EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the
beginning, you fell in love with
your spouse. You anticipated their
call, wanted their touch, and liked
their idiosyncrasies.
Falling in love with your spouse
wasn't hard. In fact, it was a
completely natural and spontaneous
experience.
You didn't have to DO anything. That's
why it's called "falling" in
love... Because it's happening TO YOU.
People in love sometimes say, "I was
swept of my feet." Think about the
imagery of that expression. It implies
that you were just standing
there; doing nothing, and then
something came along and happened TO
YOU.
Falling is love is easy. It's a
passive and spontaneous experience.
But
after a few years of marriage, the
euphoria of love fades. It's the
natural cycle of EVERY relationship.
Slowly but surely, phone calls
become a bother (if they come at all),
touch is not always welcome (when
it happens), and your spouse's
idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute,
drive you nuts.
The symptoms of this stage vary with
every relationship, but if you
think about your marriage, you will
notice a dramatic difference between
the initial stage when you were in
love and a much duller or even angry
subsequent stage.
At this point, you and/or your spouse
might start asking, "Did I marry
the right person?" And as you and your
spouse reflect on the euphoria of
the love you once had, you may begin
to desire that experience with
someone else. This is when marriages
breakdown. People blame their
spouse for their unhappiness and look
outside their marriage for
fulfillment.
Extramarital fulfillment comes in all
shapes and sizes. Infidelity is
the most obvious. But sometimes people
turn to work, church, a hobby, a
friendship, excessive TV, or abusive
substances. But the answer to this
dilemma does NOT lie outside your
marriage. It lies within it. I'm not
saying that you couldn't fall in love
with someone else. You could.
And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But
you'd be in the same situation a
few years later. Because (listen
carefully to this):
THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS
NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S
LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.
SUSTAINING love is not a passive or
spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER
just happen to you. You can't "find"
LASTING love. You have to "make" it
day in and day out. That's why we have
the expression "the labor of
love." Because it takes time, effort,
and energy. And most importantly,
it takes WISDOM.
You have to know WHAT TO DO to make
your marriage work.
Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT
a mystery. There are specific
things you can do (with or without
your spouse) to succeed with your
marriage.
Just as there are physical laws of the
universe (such as gravity), there
are also laws for relationships. Just
as the right diet and exercise
program makes you physically stronger,
certain habits in your
relationship WILL make your marriage
stronger. It's a direct cause and
effect. If you know and apply the
laws, the results are predictable...
you can "make" love.
Love in marriage is indeed
a "decision"... Not just a feeling. |
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