Doesn't look like dat to me...from d pics she is enjoyin it too!!!

A widow told her boyfriend: No sex please am still mourning my husband,
Boyfriend: I know dats y am wearing a black condom so pls open your leg and accept my condolence!:

Somebody wanted to die one day... he took the rope. on his way to the bush..he passed by the road, crossed the road carefull, ...and straight to the bush..when he got there he begun to prepare the rope and tied it up to the tree branch. then he decided to say his own last prayers ..but b4 he could even close his eyes to pray he turned his head back... and this time he was eye to eye with the King of the Jungle Lion.. he started shoughting.. heeelp!!!heelp,..Lion.. Lion..

Doc.Faketor:Diane,you look awfully tired and worn out. Have you been having three meals a day like i told you to?
Diane:Three meals?   Oh my God,doctor,i thought you said three males!!!

Sore-eyes and Sonofabitch were out drinking one night when Sore-eyes turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!"

Sonofabitch looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife's ass and say, 'How about a blowjob?' ....And she's always sound asleep."

Three girls all worked in the same office with the same female boss. Each day, they noticed the boss left work early. One day, the girls decided that, when the boss left, they would leave right behind her. After all, she never called or came back to work, so how would she know they went home early?

The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening, spent playtime with her son, and went to bed early. The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the spa before meeting a dinner date. The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise her husband, but when she got to her bedroom, she heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly and quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with her boss! Gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house.

The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and redhead planned to leave early again, and they asked the blonde if she was going to go with them. "No way," the blonde exclaimed. "I almost got caught yesterday!"

 e get 2 brothers, serious hungry dey fire dem.
D senior one dey vex,while d junior one dey always dey sleep,if e wake e go dey smile and e go go drink water.
D senior one why e dey smile.
my guy come answer:I dey eat fried chicken 4 Mr biggies,if dem wan hold  me make I pay I go wake!
D senior one com go sleep b4 e wake,my guy don chop pillow finish!

A psychotherapist was having a roaring business since he started from scratch. So much so that he could now afford to have a proper shop banner advertising his wares. So he told a kid to paint the sign board for him & put it above his shop entrance.

But, instead of his business building up, it began to slacken. He had especially noticed the ladies shying away from his shop after reading the sign board. So he decided to check it out himself. Then he understood why !

The boy found a small wooden board so he had split the word into the 3 words :

PSYCHO...THE...RAPIST.

Dear Sir, I refer to the recent death of the Technical Manager at your company and wish to apply for the replacement of the dead manager. Each time I apply for employment I am told there is no vacancy but on this one, I have caught you red handed coz I even attended the funeral and all burial proceedings and made sure that he was truly dead before applying.

Three men Toshiba, Senseless and Garfield were travelling in a private jet to China for a meeting...

After an hour of flying while the men were discussing, the plane hit an air pocket, another 30mins and the plane shook then a loud bang! Terrified they were when suddenly the cockpit opened and the pilot came out whistling...
He walked to the chute cabinet, strapped one on and said, "As you can see, it's going to crash and there are remaining two chutes... He jumped out!
Air rushing...
The three men looked at each other perplexed for a split second then all hell broke loose!!
The three rushed at the cabinet trying to get one parachute, struggling, kicking and punching each other...
Senseless got one, strap and out he jumped...
Toshiba got the last one, he strapped and out he jumped too...
Garfield ever brave and refusing to give up, did a cross sign on his forehead and jumped out... Geronimooooo...
WHOOOSH... Without a parachute, he passed Toshiba...
WHOOOSH! He passed Senseless...
Senseless whispered to himself, "Shit! him go dust me? Lailai!!! He removed his chute...
Gbam!

A
guy with a 25-inch Dick went to a
doctor and said, 'I can't live with
this anymore! It's too long. 'The
doctor replied, 'I can't do
anything for you, but if you see
the doctor in the bayou, she can
help you.' So, he went to the
bayou and saw the doctor. The
doctor said, 'Go into the swamp
and you will find a female frog
there. Ask her to marry you.. She'll
say 'No'.. and you'll lose 5 inches
off yourDick 'So, he went to the
swamp and found the frog and
asked her, 'Will you marry me?'
"No!', she said. He lost 5 inches off
his dick! The guy liked the results,
and thought, 20 inches is just too
much. So he asked the frog again,
'Will you marry me? 'The frog said,
'No! 'And the guy lost another 5
inches. He thought, God, 15 inches
is great! But 10 inches would just
be perfect. So he asked again, 'Will
you marry me? 'And the frog said,
'How many times do I have to tell
you... NO! NO! NO

Okon walks into a bank and hands a cashier a bag full of weed.
The angry cashier asks “sir wat the f**k is this?”
The rasta replies “wa yah ask foolish question mi cum 2 open a joint account.”

A man goes to ð gym n sees a very beautiful woman.He then walks up to †ђε trainer n said:
Man:i want to impress that beautiful girl.Which machine can i use?
Trainer: Use †ђε ATM machine outside †ђε gym.its a miracle worker!
 

Security reports have intercepted terrorist plans to attack on 14th February.Targets & methods include fast-food/eateries, exotic hotels, recharge card bombs, teddy bear bombs, valentine cake bombs,ice cream bombs; anyone buying gifts will b summarily shot. All phone conversations with statements like "I love U̶̲̥̅̊" will be intercepted and culprits arrested

A twin-engine plane has one of its engines fail, Altitude and air speed are rapidly decreasing ...
The pilot speaks over the intercom. "I'm sorry it had to come to this folks, but unfortunately we're Gonna have to jettison baggage in order for the aircraft to remain Airborne."
Baggage is thrown out, but the plane's speed continues to decrease. Again the pilot gets on the intercom; "I hate to have to do this, but now we're gonna have to start off-loading passengers. The only fair way To do it is alphabetically, so we'll start with the letter " A " Africans, any Africans on board?"
No one answers
"Ok then " B ", Black people, any black people?" Again, silence.
"C" - Coloured people, any Coloured people on board?" Silence.
A little black boy in the back turns to his mother. "But Mom, ain't we African?, ain't we Black? Ain't we Coloured?"
"Yes son, but for the purpose of this exercise, we is Niggas. Let dem English and French go first."

A very tall man walks into a bar, and a lady recognizes him as a real
Football player. They start to talk and eventually go back to his place.

They start to kiss, and the man takes off his shirt. On his arm, he
has a tattoo that says REEBOK.

"What's that for?" the lady questions.

"Oh, I have this so that when I'm on TV, people will see my tattoo, and
Reebok pays me."

Then the man takes off his trousers, and on his leg, he has a tattoo
that says NIKE.
'What's that ?' the lady questions again.

"Just like the Reebok tattoo, I get paid when this tattoo is seen on
TV."
Then the man drops his underwear and on his penis he has a tattoo that
says AIDS.

The lady screams: "Don't tell me you have AIDS!"

The man replies: "No, no....!!! Calm down...!!!

It will say ADIDAS in a minute."

Little Johnny was sitting on a
park bench munching on one
candy bar
after another. After the sixth one
a man on the bench across from
him
said, "Son, you know eating all
that candy isn't good for you. It
will
give you acne, rot your teeth,
and make you fat."
Little Johnny replied, "My
grandfather lived to be 107 years
old."
The man asked, "Did your
grandfather eat six candy bars at
a time?"
Little Johnny answered, "No, he
minded his own business!"

These days, the way people answer calls when they borrow money from you and you call to know when they would pay it is shocking to here. You call and they answer with confidence. This is the Lagos State mortuary, to pick a body press 1, to drop press 2, to book mortuary services press 3 and if you want to die press 4. Am waiting for your response.

If I'm d Governor! All dis Nonsense for don stop Since!

Its Over, just like dat!