| A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator:
“My friend is dead! What can I do?”
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy’s voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?”
Two guys are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, “I slept with your mother!” The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do. The first again yells, “I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!”
The other says, “Go home dad you’re drunk.”
A doctor says to his patient, “I have bad news and worse news”.
“Oh dear, what's the bad news?” asks the patient.
The doctor replies, “You only have 24 hours to live.”
“That's terrible”, said the patient. “How can the news possibly be worse?”
The doctor replies, “I've been trying to contact you since yesterday.”
(Just a funny joke):
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather.
Not screaming in terror like his passengers.
A guy hears a knock at his door. When he answers it, there’s nobody there, but there’s a snail on the welcome mat. Frustrated, the guy picks up the snail and hurls it into the street.
Five years go by, and there’s another knock at the door. The man answers it, and again there’s no one standing there, but there’s a snail on the welcome mat.
The snail looks up and says, “What the hell was that all about?” |
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