Akpors: I'm coming to see you honey,I
dont care about the high gas prices
or nothing I'm coming no
matter what.
Priscila: Awwww Okay I'm fine love, get
ready baby
Akpors: I love you, I cant wait to see
you...I'm
getting ready to leave now
Priscila: Okay but hunny I'm on my
periods, just
letting you know incase....
Akpors: My car just blew up, I cant come
to see
you ...
Priscila: Get your friend to take you, like
he always
does....
Akpors: He got shot by armed robbers so
i cant come, I'm sorry..
Priscila: Oh never mind, I'm not on my
periods. My
panties are just looking too red...
Akpors: My friend has just been
discharged from hospital and he has
said he's okay, he's fine and he will
take
me now. I'm coming sweetheart
Priscila: Shit! I'm really on my
periods...just did not notice the
blood.....
Akpors: damn!!!!!!!, he has been shot
again, i wont come!!!!

Unbelievable, I saw des guyz in nnpc filin station @ gwarinpa in abuja filling dre car on tuesday bt I neva knw who D̶̲̥̅̊ε̲̣̣̣̥y r.....just lukd @ dem n I drove away....RIP

Two ladies were walking home from shoppin when
they met a rapist. They thought very swiftly and
decided to run in different ways.
The rapist ran after 1 of them and when she noticed
she will be caught by the rapistvery quickly she
stopped and turned back
She raised her skirt and looked at the rapist with sexy
eyes.
The rapist saw it is easy and he quickly lowered his
trouser.
-
-
-
-
-
The lady got home. She found the other girl very
worried.
Sister 1: Dear, wat happened?
Sister 2: He almost got me when I turned back and
raised my skirt and he lowered his trousers.
Sister 1:So, you mean he did it conveniently?
Sister 2: Let me ask u 1 question
Sister 1: Go On!
Sister 2: Between a woman raising her skirt and a
man with his trousers down. Who can run faster?
Hahahahahahahahaha!

One day, an old lady went
to the Bank of Canada with
a large bag full of money.
The old lady insisted on
speaking to the president
of the Bank in order to
open a savings account
because, she said, she had
a lot of money. After
much discussion an
employee took her to the
office of the president.
The president of the Bank
asked her how much she
wanted to deposit. She
said $165,000. Curious, he
asked her how she had
saved such a large sum of
money. The old lady said
she made bets.
The president, quite
surprised, asked: “Which
kind of bets?”
The old lady said: “For
example, I bet you
$25,000 that your testicles
are square”.
The president started to
laugh and pointed out that
this kind of bet was
impossible to win!
The old lady replied:
“Would you like to make a
bet?”
“Certainly”, answered the
president, “I can guarantee
you that my testicles are
not square”.
The old lady said to him:
“Given the size of the bet,
I’ll come back tomorrow
at 10am with my lawyer
as a witness, if it’s alright
with you”.
“No problem” said the
president.
That evening, the
president became very
nervous about the bet and
spent a long time in front
of his mirror examining
his testicles, turning them
in all directions, again and
again, in order to make
sure that his testicles could
not be seen as square and
therefore be sure to win
this bet.
On the next day, 10am
sharp, the old lady arrived
with her lawyer at the
office of the president. The
president then dropped
his trousers so that she
and her lawyer could see
everything.
The old lady came closer
and asked him if she could
touch them.
“Of course please do!” said
the president, given the
fact that there was so
much money involved,
“you must be 100% sure.”
The lady, smiling, started
to do so. The president
looked up to see the
lawyer banging his head
against the wall.
He asked the old lady
“What is he doing?”
She answered: “It’s
probably because I bet
him $100,000 that around
10am today, I would be
holding the testicles of the
president of the Bank of
Canada in my hands!”

A dog died,and the
owner went to his
Pastor Akpors
and said,"Pastor Akpors, my dog
is dead could there be a service for the
poor creature?
"Pastor Akpors
replied,"No we can't
have a service for an
animal in the
church. However there is a new
church down the
road. May be they will do
something for the
animal,"
Then the man
asked,
"Pastor Akpors, but do you think they will
accept a donation of $1
million in return for
the burial
service?"
Pastor Akpors
shouted,"Blood of Jesus! Why didn't you tell
me the dog is a
christian?' '

e
A mom visits her son for dinner
who lives with a girl as a
roommate.
During his meal, his mother
couldn't help but notice how
pretty his roommate was. She had
long been suspicious of a
relationship between the two and
this had only made her more
curious.
Over the course of the evening
while watching the two interact,
she started to wonder if there's
more between him and his
roommate.
Reading his mom's thought, his
son volunteered, "I know what
you must be thinking, but I assure
you, we are just roommates."
About a week later, his roommate
came to him saying, "Ever since
your mother came to dinner, I've
been unable to find the silver
plate. You don't suppose your
mother took it, do you?
He said, "well I doubt it, but I'll
email her just to be sure! He sat
down and wrote,
Dear mom,
After your visit me, the silver plate
has been missing. "I'm not saying
that you did take the silver plate
from my house, and I'm not
saying that you don't take it, but
the fact remains that it has been
missing ever since you were here
for dinner.
Love,
Your son.
Several days later, he received an
email from his mother which
read:
Dear Son,
"I'm not saying that you do sleep
with your roommate, and I'm not
saying that you don't sleep with
her: but the fact remains that if
she was sleeping in her OWN
bed, she would have found the
silver plate by now, under her
pillow.
Love,
Mom

Na ena sabi

Three men, a philosopher, a mathematician and Akpors, were out riding in the car when it crashed into a tree...the three men found themselves standing before the pearly gates of Heaven, where St. Peter and the devil were standing nearby.

"Gentlemen" the devil started, "due do the fact that heaven is now overcrowded, therefore St. Peter has agreed to limit the number of people entering heaven. If anyone of you can ask me a question which I don't know or cannot answer, then you're worthy enough to go to Heaven; if not, then you'll come with me to hell."

The philosopher then stepped up, "OK, Give me the most comprehensive report on socrates 19 Teachings." With a snap of his finger, a stack of paper appeared next to the devil. The philosopher read it and concluded it was correct. "Then, go to hell!" With another snap of his finger, the philosopher disappeared.

The Mathematician then asked,  "Give me the most complicated formula you can ever think of!" With a snap of his finger, another stack of paper appeared next to the devil. The Mathematician read it and reluctantly agreed it was really complicated. "Then, go to hell!" With another snap of his finger, the mathematician disappeared.

Akpors then stepped forward and said,  "Bring me a chair!" The devil brought forward a chair. "Drill 7 holes on the seat", the devil did just that. Akpors then sat on the chair and let out a very loud fart. Standing up, he asked,  "which hole did my fart come out from? "The devil inspected the seat and said "the third hole from the right", "wrong" said Akpors,  "It's from my A*#S".

....Akpors Went To Heaven.

The new Principal was walkin around
the school compound to inspect it.
He was passing along Akpors
class when he heared everybody in d class
chorusing Words and Particle after their
teacher. He was impressed so he decided to
check themout. The Principal entered.
Class: Good afternoon to u sir. God bless.
Principal: what class is this? C
lass: js 3F sir. Principal:
what is the topic u are treatin?
Class: Word Particle sir.
Principal: thats gud, am impress.
akpors their Teacher stood
aside smilin.
Class: thank u sir.
Principal: i will like to further test u.
Class: No problem sir.
Principal: ok, lets start.
Up...... Class: up uper upest
Principal: short Class:
shortshorter shortest
Principal: good Class: good, gooder,
goodest.
Principal: Thats wrong
Class: thats wrong, thats wronger, dats
wrongest.
Principal: what? Class: what, whater,
whatest.
Principal: shut up
Class: shut up, shut uper, shut upest.
Principal: na wao
Class: na wao, na waoer, na
waoest.
Principal: what kind
of class is dis? Class: what kind of class is this, what
kind of class is diser, what kind of class is disest.
Principal: teacher are u lukin at them?
Class: teacher ar u lukin at them, teacher
ar u lukin at themer, teacher ar u lukin at themest.
Principal: am out abeg.
Class: am out abeg, am out abeger, am out abegest.
Teacher: lol
Class: lol loler lolest.
Principal fainted.
#yinkaabeegs

†̥ђε̲̣̣̣̥ only tin U̶̲̥̅̊ knw hw 2 type ‖̳̿§ pb4

Drop ur commentz ooo...Hausa man was withdrawing
moneyfrom ATM, when aπ igbo man behindhim
laughed aȋ̝̊̅π said'Aboki, u be mumu", me don see ur
password Oº°˚˚, na four stars (****) the hausa man
then replied "kai baskard, na u be the mumu, na 3142
i dey use!!!

No b joke, na parable....yeye pikin

After a quarel between akpors and ekaitte, Ekaitte
changed her facebook relationship status from
`Married' to `divorced', she then updated her status,
`married but i just divorcewith the bastard'. Akpos
saw it and also changed his own relationship status
from `Married' to `Widower', he then updated his
status, `married but she is dead'.. =>Who will it be
painful to most?

An 11 year old girl realized that she had started to
grow hair between her leg. worried she went to ask
her mum about the hair, her mum calmly," that part
were hair is growing is called a monkey,be proud that
your monkey has grown hair now. The next moring at
breakfast, she told her sister'' my monkey has grown
hair , her sister smiled and said thats nothing mine is
already eating bananas,,,her mum fainted......

Yeye pikin
M.C
Mad cadanre

A nigerian man abroad calls his mom ,…
SON: Am coming home….but,
MOM: but what son,
SON: mom i got AIDS,
MOM: chinekeeee……dont come home ooh,
SON: but why now,
MOM:if you come, you will infect ur wife, from her to
ur broda, from him to our maid,from her to your
daddy, from him to my sister, from her to her
husband, from him to me, from me to the gardener,
from him to ur sister and you know if ur sista got
AIDS, then  new rumor, wahala, zeigbo and  whole village is in trouble. SO I BEG U
IN THE NAME OF GOD, PLIZ SAVE OUR
VILLAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!
WAHALA!!!!!!!!!!!

Akpos interview PART II
OFFICER:- what is your name?
AKPORS:- M.P sir
OFFICER:- tell me properly!
AKPORS:- Michael Peter sir
OFFICER:- your father's name?
AKPORS:- M.P sir
OFFICER:- what does that mean?
AKPORS:- Moses Peter sir
OFFICER:- your native place?
AKPORS: M.P sir
OFFICER:- is it Makurdi Purum?
AKPORS:- No, Minna Port sir
OFFICER:- what is your qualification?
AKPORS:- M.P sir
OFFICER:- (angry) what is it?!
AKPORS:- Metric Pass
OFFICER:- so why do you need a job?
AKPORS:- M.P sir
OFFICER: meaning?
AKPORS:- Money Problem sir
OFFICER:- what is your personality?
AKPORS:- M.P sir
OFFICER:- would you explain urself and stop wasting
my time?
AKPORS:- Monacrotic Personality
OFFICER:- I see... I will get back to you.
AKPORS:- sir, how's my M.P?
OFFICER:- and what's that again?
AKPORS:- My Performance.
OFFICER:- M.P !
AKPORS:- m.e.a.n.i.n.g?
OFFICER:- Mental Problem!!!

Add water 2 make it wet....

In Abuja, Abu the Atheist brought
up a case against the upcoming
Christmas Holiday. He hired a
Lawyer to bring a discrimination
case against Christians and
Muslims concerning observation
of their Holy Days. The Argument
was that it was unfair that
Atheists had no such recognised
days. The case was brought
before a Judge called AKPOS. After
listening to the passionate
presentation by the Lawyer,
akpos the Judge banged his gavel
declaring;"Case Dismissed".
The Lawyer quickly stood up,
objecting to the ruling and said;
Your honour, how can you
possibly dismiss this case? The
Christians have Christmas, Easter
and Others. The Muslims have Id-
el-kabir, Id-el-fitri and Others. But
my client and other Atheists have
no such holidays.
Akpos The Judge leaned forward
in his chair and said; Your client
and other Atheists have. Is just
that your client is woefully
ignorant. The Lawyer said; Your
honour, we are unaware of any
special observance or holiday for
Atheists. The Judge said; The
Calendar says April 1st
is April Fools day. Psalm 14 verse
1 says, The fool says in his heart,
there is no God. It is the opinion
of this court that, if your client
says there is no God, then he is a
fool. Therefore, April 1st is his
day.