i guess dat's ur 2ru life story

u resemble me...e b like sey u 2 dey do am almost every day

u don do conductor b4?

onyiis....i dey fear ur laff oooooo..abeg no laff dis kind laff 4 my hoke ooooooooo

mistakenly posted

na swahili u dey speak so,abi na english?

We don here

ok

A Yoruba Man was sitting with an Ibo man and a Hausa man in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled barrel of
beer,
when all of a sudden the police entered and arrested them. They were
initially given a death sentence but, as it was a national holiday, the
sheikh decided they should be released after each receiving 20 lashes
of the whip. As they were preparing for their punishment, the sheikh
said, "It's my first wife's birthday today and she asked me to allow
each of you one wish before your whipping, but you cannot wish not to
be whipped!"

The yoruba man thought for a second then said: "Please tie a pillow to my back before whipping." This was
done but the pillow lasted 10 lashes.

The Ibo man saw this and said: "Please tie two pillows to my back before
whipping." This was done and lasted for the whole 20 lashes.

The Hausa Man saw this, but before he could make his wish, the sheikh said: "As you share the same
ethnicity with the president of your country, you are permitted to have two wishes!"

The Hausa Man thought for a second, then said: "Thank you, most royal and
merciful highness. My first wish is to receive 100 lashes with the
strongest, toughest whip available." "If you so desire," the sheikh
replied with a questioning look on his face, "and your second wish?" "Tie the Ibo man to my back."

A lecturer teaching medicine was giving a classoom observation. He took out a jar of yellow liquid. "This," he explained, "is urine. To be a doctor, you have to be observant of color, smell, sight, and taste."

After saying so, he dipped his finger into the jar and put it into his mouth. His class watched in amazement, most in disgust. But being
the good students that they were, the jar was passed, and one by one, they dipped their finger into the jar and put it into their mouths.

After the last student was done, the lecturer shook his head. "If any of you had been observant, you would have noticed that I put my second finger into the jar and my third finger into my mouth." 

A man is in court. The Judges says,"on the 3rd August you are accused of killing your wife by beating her to death with a hammer, how do you plead?"

"Guilty", said the man in the dock.

At this point a man at the back of the court stood up and shouted "You dirty rat!" The Judge asked the man to site down and to refrain from making any noise.

The Judge continued "..... and that also on the 17th September you are accused of killing your son by beating him to death with a hammer, how do you plead"?

"Guilty", said the man in the dock.
Again the same man at the back stood up and shouted even louder, "You dirty rotten stinking rat"!!

At this point the Judge called the man to the bench and said, "I have already asked you to be quiet, if you continue with these outbursts, I will have to charge you with contempt of court. I can understand your feelings, but what relationship have you to this man?"

He replied "He is my next door neighbor".
The Judge replied, "I can understand your feelings then, but you must refrain from any comments".

The man replied "NO, your Honor, you don't understand.
Twice I have asked if I could borrow a hammer, and BOTH TIMES he said he didn't have one"!!!

A man walked into a dress shop and asked the proprietor how business was.
"Terrible" he complained. "It's so bad, why i only sold one dress yesterday. Today It's even worse. How could it be worse asked his friend " Today that lady returned the dress she bought".

Two blondes meet in Heaven. "How did you die?", the first one asks."Oh! I died in a freezer," the second blonde replied." So how did you die?" The second blonde asks, "Well, I suspected my husband was having an affair, so one day when I came home early from work, I looked all over the house, trying to look for the other woman because I saw that my husband was naked. When I coming upstairs from searching the basement, I slipped and broke my neck. I never got to find that woman," replied the first blonde. The second blonde then says, "If only you looked in the freezer, maybe we both might still have been alive