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29041
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Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / FIRST EXPERIENCE DEY SWEET OOOO |
on: 19-05-2010 11:51 AM
| The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"
"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the prisoner in the prison.
And then they made love for the first time.
Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.
Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."
Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."
After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"
The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently born foal.
Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.
She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."
Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence, OKAY!
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29042
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Forum / Relationships & Romance / POOR GUY.... CHAI |
on: 19-05-2010 11:36 AM
| A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!" | | |
29043
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Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / MEETING THE POPE |
on: 19-05-2010 11:34 AM
| A rich American tourist was holidaying in Rome, and was intent on seeing the Pope. There he stood, in a big long line with a rather expensive suit on, hoping the Pope would notice how smart he was and perhaps talk a few words with him. As the Pope made his way slowly down the line, he walked right past the American, hardly even noticing him. The Pope then stopped next to a low-life sot, leaned over and whispered something in the sot's ear, and made his way on again. This really angered the American. After speaking with the drunkard, the American agreed to pay $1000 dollars to exchange clothing, in the hope that the Pope would speak to him the next day. The next morning the American stood in the line, waiting to see the Pope and hopefully exchange a few words. The Pope was making his way slowly up to the American. When he finally reached him, he leaned over to the American and spoke softly into his ear..
"I thought I told you yesterday to get the f**k out of here." | | |
29044
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Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / POOR GUY.... CHAI |
on: 19-05-2010 11:00 AM
| A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!" | | |
29045
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Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / The bride tells her husband. First experience dey sweet OOO |
on: 19-05-2010 10:53 AM
| The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"
"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the prisoner in the prison.
And then they made love for the first time.
Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.
Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."
Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."
After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"
The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently born foal.
Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.
She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."
Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence, OKAY! | | |
29046
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Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / My Rules |
on: 19-05-2010 10:39 AM
| Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want-and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"
His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night.. whether you're here or not." | | |
29047
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Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / Who Says Men Don't Remember Anniversaries |
on: 19-05-2010 10:01 AM
| A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.
She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front him. He appears deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of coffee.
"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?"
The husband looks up, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 17?" he asks solemnly.
The wife is touched thinking her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes, I do," she replies.
The husband pauses. The words are not coming easily. "Do you remember when you father caught us in the back seat of my car?"
"Yes, I remember," says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
The husband continues..."Do you remember when he shoved a shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years". "I remember that too", she replies softly.
He wipes another tear from his cheek and says... "I would have gotten out today!"
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29056
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Forum / Relationships & Romance / Re: This Girl Self! |
on: 22-04-2010 04:10 PM
| I for like to talk, but see this sophie. I never eat.
wetin i do? i hate wetin dis guy post... if u hole pepper u go wan spend am and get wetin u want.. the poster dey very STINGY... u no get mony y u go approach dat executive babe. en D-M.. and as for u....go chop, blow garri, so u go fit talk. | | |
29057
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Forum / Relationships & Romance / Re: RENEWAL OF CONTRACT!! |
on: 22-04-2010 03:38 PM
| wen u don phyuk outside finish for one year, u still phyuk ha again.... u wan pay am back.. if ha coint dey sweet.. take am back.. u no wetin u be? u be DOG.. after 1 yr u go back to the vomit, na u con dey sick for advice.. M-M if u no no wetin to do,, continue womanising... | | |
29058
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Forum / Relationships & Romance / Re: This Girl Self! |
on: 22-04-2010 03:32 PM
| brb
u wetin u dey be right back(brb) for... na who tell u say woman no dey love man without spending for her... except say u no get money.. P-M like u...lol | | |
29059
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Forum / Relationships & Romance / Re: This Girl Self! |
on: 22-04-2010 03:23 PM
| I met her barely two dayz ago, now all she wants na recharge card. Maybe na recharge card go kill some women for 9ja.
u no wat? UDM... she no like u na im make she dey request for card... but u.. if u want anytin from ha, and u wan get am.. give am d card... abi u no holeeeeeeeeee? see M-M | | | |