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21
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Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / Lie detector |
on: 21-09-2010 04:53 PM
| | John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmicks.
His wife, Marsha, had long ago given up trying to get him to change. One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector.
It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son, returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late. "Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?" asked John.
"Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project," said Tommy. The robot walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair.
"Son," said John, "this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you really were after school."
"We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie." said Tommy.
"What did you watch?" asked Marsha.
"The Ten Commandments." answered Tommy.
The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair. With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, "I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen."
"I am ashamed of you son," said John. "When I was your age, I never lied to my parents."
The robot walked around to John and delivered a whack that nearly knocked him out of his chair.
Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, "Boy, did you ever ask for that one! You can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!"
The robot walked around to Marsha and knocked her out of her chair. | | | | |
22
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Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / Money Answereth a lot of things |
on: 15-09-2010 07:04 PM
| | One day a dog died, and the owner went to his pastor and said, Pastor, my
dog is dead, could there be a
service for the poor creature? "The pastor replied, "I'm afraid not. We
cannot have a service for an animal in the church.
But there is a new church down the road, and there's no telling' what they
believe. Maybe they'll do something for the animal; you can go and find
out". Then the man answered innocently, "I'll go right away pastor. But do
you think they will accept a donation of $20,000,000 as being enough in
return for the burial service?" The pastor exclaimed "sweet Jesus! Why
didn't you tell me the dog was a Christian.
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23
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Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / Hmmmm these Lawyers Sef. |
on: 10-09-2010 06:11 PM
| | One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the road-side eating grass.
Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?" "We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."
"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the lawyer said.
"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree."
"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.
Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us, also.
The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!"
"Bring them all, as well," the lawyer answered.
They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was.
Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place. The grass is almost a foot high"
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25
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Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / True Irish Ghost Story |
on: 7-09-2010 07:15 PM
| | This happened in Dublin and, even though it sounds like an
Alfred Hitchcock story , it's true.
John Cleary , a Dublin University student, was on the side of the road
hitch-hiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a storm. No cars
were travelling that night. The storm was so strong he could hardly see
a few feet ahead of him.
Suddenly, he saw a car slowly coming towards him and stop. John,
desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got into the car
and closed the door... only to realize there was nobody behind the
wheel and the engine wasn't on!
The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road ahead and saw a
curve approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life.
Then, just before the car hit the curve, a hand appeared through the
window and turned the wheel.
John, paralyzed with terror, watched as the hand repeatedly came
through the window, but never touched or harmed him.
Shortly thereafter John saw the lights of a pub appear down the road.
So, gathering strength, he jumped out of the car and ran to the pub.
Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling everybody
about the horrible experience he had just had. A silence enveloped the
pub when everybody realized he was crying and... wasn't drunk.
Suddenly the door opened and two other people walked in from the
stormy night . They, like John, were also soaked and out of breath.
Looking around, and seeing John Cleary sobbing at the bar, one said to
the other... 'Look Paddy... there's that freaking idiot that got in
the car while we were pushing it.'
Nice laugh!
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