| We all know who a parent is right? But our reference to parents in this context would include guardians, family members, relations and friends who assisted in training and caring for someone to grow up. These people are the first degree of persons who have influenced the life of someone from birth-childhood-adult. They are the ones who contributed to the growth and shaping of a child to adulthood. There are influences in the relationships and marriages of the younger ones which are overwhelming and Partnersaid has identified these influences as a serious source of problems in relationships and marriages in the society.
Nurturing, taking care of the child or children’s basic needs such as providing for food, medical care, clothing, shelter, giving love, attention, listening, understanding, acceptance, time and support of one’s child is really an enormous task. In this role parents enjoy and accept the child or children the way they are and do not expect much in return from them. This will in turn help the children nurtured to feel good about themselves, feel lovable and worthy, feel listened to, become trusting, able to tackle difficulties and face challenges and able to give back to other people from the emotional support gotten from the parents. It is through this loving and supportive early-parent child relationship that the foundation for the future healthy relationship of a child’s development is formed. It is a task that makes a parent look like the lord of a child. Well this is understandable.
Parents lay the foundation for the structure of their children no doubt. This role helps in giving direction, imposing rules, discipline, setting limits. Establish and follow through with consequences. Holding the children accountable for their behaviors and teaching them values. Parents are expected to provide guidance that helps the children to change, grow and mature. Responsible behaviors in line with your children‘s maturity levels are taught and expected to manifest. These enormous roles of parents in the lives of their children cannot be over emphasized. However our discussion here would be on the limits of this lordship and influences that these parental care imposes.
Relationships and marriages are not an issue for children. This is why even the laws of nations and cultures of peoples all over the world criminalize child marriage. In Nigeria the Child Rights Act is of the effect that no child bellow the age of 18 years should marry. The contemplation of this Law is that a child at 18 should be matured enough to take decisions about his/her life alongside the life of the people around him or her and be able to take responsibility. In the United States, United Kingdom, Kenya, Ghana and all across the globe the story is the same.
An attachment theory suggests that we create an internal working model of our parents which we later internalized as our sense of self. This attachment style also affects how we experience ourselves and how we are in relationship. The level of romance, affection, love and value we see in our parents at our early life does a lot in shaping our adult relationship. Same way that anger, resentment and conflict were managed or not in our family of origin also play a huge role in how we react to adult romantic partners. For example, conflicts may be dealt with in the family by talking openly and aggressively or by talking about it and perhaps expressing the negative emotion in passive aggressive way such as yelling, name calling or even violence. These influences continue to play a lot of roles in the life of these younger ones even after they are in relationships on their own.
Apart from this childhood parental influences, many parent have failed to realize that their children have grown and have refused to let them handle their issues and relationships. Examples abound where parents especially mothers still detect for their children how to run and live with their partners. Some go as far as leaving their homes to their children’s houses and giving orders on the ground that they have rights over their children. This behavior is rampant in African setting where communal living is encouraged, and adults are still seen living with their parents and raising their own families.
To be continued... |
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