A man died & goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country and decides he'll pick the least painful to spend his eternity.  He goes to the German hell & asks, 'What do they  do here?' He is told 'first they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a  bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil  comes in and whips you for the rest of the day'.  The man does not like the sound of that at all so  he moves on. He checks out the USA hell as well as  the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that  they are all similar to the German hell.  Then he comes to the Nigerian hell and finds that  there is a long queue of people waiting to get  in....Amazed, he asks, 'What do they do here?'  He is told 'first they put you in an electric  chair for an hour, then they lay you on a bed of  nails for another hour. The Nigerian devil comes in  & whips you for the rest of the day.'  But that is exactly the same as all the other hells,  why are there so many people waiting to get in?' asks the man. A concerned fellow calls him aside and  said, 'Because there is never any electricity so the electric chair doesn't work.  The nails were paid for but were never supplied by the contractor, so the bed is comfortable to sleep on.  And the Nigerian devil used to be a civil servant, so he comes in, signs his time sheet and goes back  home for other business!!'  ............ ...... IT PAYS TO BE A NIGERIAN.

VACANCY:  A FULL HOUSE WIFE           REF  No: 1975BR

APPLICANT SHOULD BE HIGHLY BOTTOMINEOUS AND MODERATELY Bosom IGEOUS WITH AT LEAST TWO YEARS MATRIMONIAL EXPERIENCE. A GOOD KNOWLEDGE ABOUT FRENCH KISSING AND BLOW JOB WILL BE AN ADDED ADVANTAGE.

QUALIFIED AND INTERESTED CANDIDATE SHOULD FORWARD THEIR CV AND ATTACHE TO IT A SCANNED COPY OF THEIR PHOTOGRAPHS (TO SHOW ALL THEIR ACCESSORIES) TO THIS E-MAIL , [email protected]

ONLY SHORTLISTED CANDIDATES WOULD BE CONTACTED.

BEST OF LUCK

TIMIPHAST

A boy was at table for his breakfast and asked the grandma, where his mom and dad was. The granny replied that they were still in bed! The boy smiled, ate his breakfast and went to play. At lunch time the boy returned and asked granny the same question. They are still in bed, the granny replied. The boy laughed again, had his lunch and went to play. At dinner time he returned. Where is mom and dad? They are still in bed, grandma replied. The boy burst into laughter for the third time. Grandma could not bear it any more, what is wrong with you, each time I tell you your parents are in bed, you burst into laughter? The boy explained: Last night daddy came to my room and asked for Vaseline. I gave him Super Glue!!,  

Cheating
Stealing
Smuggling
Killing

Preaching
Repenting
Accepting

Yaragbadua lived alone in the Northern countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Yaragbadua went to the parish priest and asked, 'Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?'

Father Ken replied, 'I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature.'

Yaragbadua said, 'I'll go right away Father. Do ya' think N50,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?'

Father ken exclaimed, 'Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic?

   
A married yorubaman went into the confessional and said to his priest, 'I almost had an affair with another woman.'

The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?'

The yorubaman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.'

The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again.  For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put £50 in the poor box.'

The yorubaman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box.

He paused  for a moment and then started to leave.

The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!'

The yorubaman replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the £50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!'