| Hello Nija people. i have this as my contribution to the issue of boyfriend in relation to sex as our topic of discussion please every body should take his/her time to read through this text of mine concern "Sex" because i critically viewed it from many observer and their contribution that the issue of boyfriend and girlfriend always relate to sex. "The Bible views sex as an essential component of Marriage. The creation of woman originated in the perception that "it is not good for the man to be alone" and that the woman should be his "fitting helper" (Gen. 2:18). With the creation of woman, man is told to "leave his father and mother and cling to his wife, so that they become one flesh" (Gen. 2:24). Their union is thus closely intertwined with segxwality. The purpose of marriage is twofold: procreation and companionship. It means building a home and family (Gen. 1:28) as well as overcoming loneliness. To marry and have children is, in the Jewish view, a religious act---the very first Mitsvah--- reflecting a commitment to transform the world.
Marital relations are the wife's right and the husband's duty. This obligation he must fulfill at specific intervals, which vary according to his occupation and ability (Ket. 61b). Should he wish to change from one occupation to another that will demand longer absences from home, he must secure his wife's permission in advance, because a woman prefers a smaller income and a close relationship with her husband to a higher income and separation from him (ibid.). The "curse of Eve," that a woman's desire is for her husband and that he will rule over her (Gen. 3:16), is said to account for woman's segxwal modesty and her inhibition against taking the initiative in segxwal activity (Er. 100b).
Romantic love does not play the role in early Judaism that it does in later periods: "Isaac then brought her into his mother Sarah's tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her" (Gen. 24:67). Love came after marriage, when the couple had assumed their mutual responsibilities. In Rabbinic Judaism, the segxwal relationship between husband and wife is governed by intimacy, continuity, and sensitivity to physical needs. Intimacy refers to mutual consent, with the law prohibiting a husband from compelling his wife to have intercourse with him. The law also prohibits intercourse when either spouse is drunk or when the woman is asleep. Mutual consent implies non-exploitation. The sages insisted that husbands and wives must not withhold themselves segxwally and must not engage in intercourse when in a state of anger against one other. segxwal favors are not an object for barter. Intimacy also implies exclusivity: the sages forbade a person to have intercourse with his or her spouse while thinking of someone else. Intimacy thus demands a totality of relationship between the two parties.
A second component of marital life is continuity, an awareness of the ongoing character of their union (see Family; Family Purity). A marriage may not be entered into with the intention of terminating it, for this contravenes the essential pledge of continuity. A married couple should refrain from having intercourse in the fields---not because someone may see them but because such behavior lacks the essentials of continuity. A third component is sensitivity to physical needs. The segxwal component cannot be negotiated out of marriage by mutual agreement, although economic factors can. For example, the partners could agree that the husband will not support the wife but that she will provide for herself, so that everything she earns will belong to her. If, however, a couple should agree to maintain only a platonic relationship, the marriage is invalid; for besides procreation, the aim of marriage is to develop a mature segxwal relationship between the parties. Sensitivity to each other's segxwal urges should be so fundamental to the relationship that neither partner need verbalize it.
The sages demand modesty and restraint in the segxwal act. Overindulgence is to be avoided, as well as unnatural positions (Sanh. 37b). Intercourse should take place at night, in privacy, after tender, loving words have been expressed. According to the author of Iggeret ha-Kodesh, an anonymous ethical work of the 13th century, sex is "holy and pure when engaged in properly at the proper time and with the proper intentions ... Whatever God created cannot possibly be shameful or ugly." It is the misuse of man's body that creates ugliness, since every one of his organs is neutral. Accordingly, "when a husband is united with his wife in holiness, the Divine Presence abides with them."
The preferred time for intercourse is on Friday night, the holiest night of the week (Kit. 62b). The sages view man's segxwal drive as an expression of the yetser ha-ra (the evil inclination), bad if uncontrolled but good if channeled. They believe that man is capable of restraining his libido. The ideal is not to deny or suppress a natural urge but to harness it for consecrated ends---hence the admonitions to engage in conjugal relations within certain parameters that foster intimacy, continuity, and sensitivity to one's partner's segxwal needs. Such parameters include the laws of Menstruation (niddah). These laws prohibit marital intercourse during the menstrual period and for at least a week thereafter (Lev. 15:19-28).
segxwal Offenses
In Judaism, segxwality is bound up with the establishment of a family, with love and mutuality, and involves a natural act. All segxwal acts that are not conducted within the framework of the marital relationship, or which are unnatural, must be shunned. Premarital sex is forbidden according to Maimonides (Yad, Ishut 1:4), so as to prevent immoral behavior among Jews. Sex with Gentile women is also banned (Sanh. 82a), to prevent lasciviousness, as is visiting prostitutes.
Rape constitutes a transgression. If a man rapes a betrothed girl, he is put to death; if she is single, he must marry her and she can never be divorced. The woman is put to death only if she is married and was a consenting party, or where she could easily have called for help and failed to do so (Deut. 22:22-29). In the Judaic ethic, sex is held to be an indispensable element of life. It is the means through which men and women find completion; it must be disciplined by rules; it is private and intimate; and, when culminating in procreation, it has cosmic significance." |
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