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Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / Firmin' up |
on: 11-08-2012 09:54 PM
| | One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife and pinched her on the butt and said, "If you firmed this up, we could get rid of your control top pantyhose." While this was on the edge of intolerable, she kept silent.
The next morning, the man woke his wife with a pinch on each of her Bosom s and said "You know, if you firmed these up, we could get rid of your bra."
This was beyond a silent response, so she rolled over and grabbed him by his d!*k. With a death grip in place, she said, "You know, if you firmed this up, we could get rid of the gardener, the postman, the poolman and your brother."
Oops! | | | | |
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Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / Generous Lawyer |
on: 10-08-2012 10:58 AM
| | One day a lawyer was riding in his limosine when he saw a guy eating grass. He told the driver to stop. He got out and asked him, "Why are you eating grass?"
The man replied, "I'm so poor, I can't afford anything thing to eat."
So the layer said, "Poor guy, come back to my house."
The guys says, "But I have a wife and three kids." The lawyer told him to bring them along.
When they were all in the car, the poor man said, "Thanks for taking us back to your house, it is so kind of you."
The lawyer replied, "You're going to love it there... the grass is a foot tall!" | | | | |
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Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / FBI Work |
on: 10-08-2012 10:49 AM
| | The phone rings at FBI headquarters. "Hello?"
"Hello, is this FBI?"
"Yes. What do you want?"
"I'm calling to report my neighbor Tom. He is hiding marijuana in his firewood."
"This will be noted."
Next day, the FBI comes over to Tom's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept, break every piece of wood, find no marijuana, swear at Tom and leave.
The phone rings at Tom's house. "Hey, Tom! Did the FBI come?" "Yeah!" "Did they chop your firewood?" "Yeah they did." "Okay, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed." | | | | |
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Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / 365 times. |
on: 29-01-2012 02:32 PM
| | A man takes his wife to the stock show. They start heading down the alley that had the bulls. They come up to the first bull and his sign stated: "This bull mated 50 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "He mated 50 times in a year, you could learn from him."
They proceed to the next bull and his sign stated: "This bull mated 65 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "This one mated 65 times last year. That is over 5 times a month. You can learn from this one, also."
They proceeded to the last bull and his sign said: "This bull mated 365 times last year." The wife's mouth drops open and says, "WOW! He mated 365 times last year. That is ONCE A DAY!!! You could really learn from this one."
The man turns to his wife and says, "Go up and inquire if it was 365 times with the same cow." | | | | |
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Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / Obsessions |
on: 29-01-2012 02:27 PM
| | A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed.
To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."
He turned to the second Mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny,"
He turned to the third Mom. "Your obsession is alcohol. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy."
At this point, the fourth mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go".
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