| PURSEME, Can i genuinly trust my wife after she confessed to infidelity,. once you both accepts your mistakes the problem is solved. CONGRATULATIONS.
got married to my darling wife five years ago, and it has been a wonderful relationship, up till last week. Something happened that nearly eroded the love I have for her. I’m not saying that we have not had our share of the ups and downs in marriage. With a good job, two lovely children and a peaceful home, we cannot possibly ask for more. I love my wife a lot and I respect her so much. But I received the shock of my life last week when I got to know that she was seeing another man.
I must say that I’m not a saint because occasionally, in the past, I had allowed my flesh to get the better part of me in respect of the opposite sex. Even at that, I cannot be labelled a Casanova. The truth is that I had cheated on her before but unfortunately, she found out, although I was not caught in the act. Need I say that since then, she no longer trusted me?
Whenever I came home late from work or went out with friends, the look on her face and her actions suggested that I had just left the bosom of another woman. Sometimes, I reacted angrily to her gestures but at other times, I understood her plight. I took it that her reaction could be a result of her lack of trust in me.
There was a time I had to swear to her by the Holy book to prove my innocence that I was not having an affair with a friend of hers. She just came up with this idea that we were having an affair.
In spite of all of these, we always managed the situation and it did not reduce the love I have for her. I have faced several cases of wrong allegations of infidelity. There is nothing she demanded from me that I refused her, even if it had to be done at a later time.
So genuine was the love I feel for her that whenever she was not happy, it became a source of worry to me. I never got relief until her mood was right. As a result of this, it appeared as if my world was crashing when I found out about her escapade with a man close to her place of work.
Some months ago, I introduced my wife to a pastor friend. But I was surprised to hear from him that she later went back to him to ask for a spiritual solution that would make ladies detest her husband; so much that he would not have the guts to make advances at them.
A few days before I discovered this, I had a dream that my wife was carrying a pregnancy that was not mine. Of course, I dismissed the dream as an impossibility. I need to add at this juncture that I trusted Tejumola so much that I gave her the liberty to go wherever she wanted and I never doubted her; even when she returned home late.
I have never bothered myself to ask her friends about her whereabouts. She was free to go out with her friends. But one day, I felt that something was amiss when we slept together. Of course, I discovered that her private area felt differently. It was as if she had just had several rounds of segxwal intercourse before returning home. I noticed the difference, but there was nothing to cry about since I did not hold any concrete evidence.
It was when I narrated my dream to someone that I heard of her escapades. The man of God that I earlier mentioned said he told my wife that what she was asking for was possible, but that she must preserve herself for her husband. He told her that failure to keep her side of the deal could spell disaster.
With that, my wife promised to come back after giving the issue a second thought; but she did not show up again. I may never have known had she returned to the man. He told me that he was not telling me these things to destroy my home, but he feared that my wife may have gone elsewhere to seek help, since she sensed that he was reluctant to do it for her. He felt that it was better for us to talk about the situation so that a lasting solution could be sought.
For the avoidance of doubt, he called my wife in my presence, put the phone on speaker mode, and I heard her telling him that she would soon come around to see him on the matter. Upon further enquiry during the conversation, I heard my wife confirm to him that she had sex with a man against his warning.
I was shocked and my heartbeat increased. I could not believe my ears and it was a miracle that I drove home safely that day. Before I left his place, I assured the pastor that I would handle the issue with maturity and that I would not do anything stupid.
Believe me, that was one of the saddest days of my life. This is the same person I trusted so much. Someone I went out of my way to please; that made life difficult for me whenever I returned late from work.
That is the woman that flaunted my perceived infidelity before my face at every opportunity; a situation of a pot calling kettle black. I wept.
You may ask what I did thereafter, but the situation of things remained the same as it was before the issue came up. Divorce is never an option or any other punishment. The reason was that I had cheated on her before and what about the future of my wonderful children? I cannot trade off their happiness for anything. If you care to know, I have not mentioned the issue to anybody and I will not. The reason is that her shame is mine too. Her sorrow is mine. As a Yoruba adage puts it, ‘Ko si bi a o se peri isu ti akoni pe ti ikoko ti a fise.’ She may have made a greater mistake, but I believe that she needs a second chance.
When she sensed that danger was knocking, she confessed to me on the day after she returned from the pastor’s place. We both wept sorely. She could not come up with any reason for her action than to say that her friend led her into it.
She begged for forgiveness and assured me that such would never happen again. I believe her and I have forgiven her but it is easier to forgive than to forget.
My concern is this: Can I really believe that there is an end to this affair from her end? How am I really sure that she will keep to her promise? How can I vouch for her that she would not approach another spiritualist in the future for a wrong I may do to her?
To have approached a spiritualist for such an issue is a manifestation of a desperate and selfish mind.
However, regardless of what happened, I still love my wife; I still want to trust her and continue to respect her.
We’re going on a five-day vacation abroad and I believe that by the time we get back, we would have put the issue behind us.
I want my home intact; but I can’t read her
Source: Punch Newspaper
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