umm..i didnt kno sum1 else had postd d joke..cos i havnt gone thru d whole 4rum...and to prove u had manners all u had 2 do was say so politely..not expressx ur randomness by insultx.....

thx bruv..i appreciate.....

lloolll...

lloolll..hear which word....n thx  d insults...i appreciate....

A woman stopped by unannounced at her recently married son's house. She rang the doorbell and walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing; the aroma of perfume filled the room.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered.

"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.

"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.

"Love dress? But you're naked!"

"My husband loves me to wear this dress," she explained.

"It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me."

The mother-in-law left. When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD and laid on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive. Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her laying there so provocatively.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"This is my love dress" she whispered, sensually.

"Needs ironing," he said.

Jake was on his deathbed while his wife, Becky, maintained a steady vigil by his side. As she held his fragile hand, her warm tears ran silently down her face, splashed onto his, and roused him from his slumber. He looked up and his pale lips began to quiver with sound.

"My darling Becky," he whispered.

"Hush, my love," she said. "Go back to sleep Shhh! Don't talk."

But he was insistent. "Becky," he said in his tired voice. "I have to talk. I have something I must confess to you."

"There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Becky. "It's all right. Everything's all right, go to sleep now."

"No, no. I must die in peace, Becky. I slept with your sister, your best friend and our next door neighbor."

Becky mustered a pained smile and stroked his hand. "Hush now Jake, don't torment yourself. I know all about it," she said. "Why do you think I poisoned you?"

lol..na true oh!!!!maths na ma worst subject....

hehe... mine aint eva broken.....yet..

steel abi??juz wait till u meet fire dat will melt it....

thxy!!!!!

yea ....lol...

ironically i study law in d uni....but i'mma go 2 Heaven by Gods grace..:p

i luv numba 19..but i dnt accept 35...chances r u cld b paranoid n readx in2 thgs which arent der...

Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs are. The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist, and the fourth man was a Government Worker.
To show off, the Engineer called to his dog. "T-Square, do your stuff." T-Square trotted over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen, and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.

But the Accountant said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, "Slide Rule, do your stuff." Slide Rule went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each. Everyone agreed that was good.

But the Chemist said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, "Measure, do your stuff." Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop. Everyone agreed that was good.

The Government Worker called to his dog and said, "Coffee Break, do your stuff." Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, shit on the paper, segxwally assaulted the other three dogs, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Worker's Compensation, and went home on sick leave.

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you`re an engineer -- you`re in the wrong place."

So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they`ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how`s it going down there in hell?" Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We`ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there`s no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What??? You`ve got an engineer? That`s a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."

Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I`m keeping him."

God says, "Send him back up here or I`ll sue."

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"

den drs sthg wrong sumwhere...maybe she's juz not in2 u...

lol..its juz cuddling up wiv d woman on top..warm-up...

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
================
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC
=============
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH
==========
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
======================
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS
=======
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY
=======
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
===============
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
===============
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
===========================================
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

A PRETTY GIRL WENT TO CHURCH , TO MAKE A CONFESION TO A PRIEST,AND THE MAN ASKED HER WHAT IS THE MATTER. SHE THEN SAID MY BOYFRIEND DID SOMETHING BAD TO ME. THE PASTOR NOW KISSED HER AND SAID DID HE DO THIS TO U SHE SAID NO, HE HUGGED HER AND SAID DID HE DO THIS TO U SHE SAID NO, HE NOW PULLED OFF HER CLOTH AND SAID DID HE DO THIS TO U, SHE SAID NO,HE NOW MADE LOVE TO HER AND SAID DID HE DO THIS TO U? SHE SAID NO, THEN HE NOW SAID WHAT IS THE THING HE DID THAT IS MAKING U TO BE CRYING, THEN THE GIRL SAID HE GAVE ME AIDS, THE PASTOR,THEN FAINTED.....

oh ok...its arnd dat tym i met mine... ....so good luck 2 u!!!!