| Yvonne Ebbi runs the Etiquette Place, Lagos. She has been married to Ken for 13 years and they share their marital experience in this interview
How did you meet?
Ken: We met at Eleko beach during a friend’s birthday party. We always went to the beach after service every Sunday. We used to play this game of dipping ladies inside the water and a lot of ladies came to the beach from the church. We would just come behind the lady, lift her up and dip her inside the water. The day I met Yvonne, she had accompanied her friend to the party and was wearing a short dress. I took her and dipped her into the sea. Afterwards, I started making enquiries about her because she was a pretty lady. The next time we met again was during another party in her friend’s house.
Yvonne: When I saw him at the beach, I was impressed but I did not let my feelings show. When he came to pick me up and put me inside the water, I told him I was wearing glasses and I did not want them to get wet. But he still went ahead and threw me into the waves. After that meeting, I saw him again at my friend’s birthday party and somehow, we just started relating as if we had known each other for long.
How did you propose?
Ken: Initially, I wanted to find out more about her and I took her to a quiet restaurant in Yaba, Lagos. I tried to impress her with my sense of humour and made her laugh at my jokes. From Yaba, I took her to an ice cream cafe in Victoria Island. On our way back from the cafe, I told her that I wanted her to be my guest for a very long time. I chose that phrase because one cannot be too acquainted with a guest, one would always want to put up one’s best for her. What I was saying in essence was that I wanted to please her forever.
Yvonne: I was ready for marriage when we met. I had been praying for a husband. But I did not know that after our first meeting, he had been in touch with my friends and they had been planning a meeting for both of us. When I met him again, I was spending the night in my friend’s house. It was late and I had changed into my nightwear. When the doorbell rang and I went downstairs to answer, it was Ken. He was well dressed in black suit and immediately I felt bad that he met me in my nightwear. When he left, I did not even bother to see him off. Later, it occurred to me that he was the husband I had been praying for all along and I had let him slip through my fingers. But he came back for my friend’s birthday the Saturday after that meeting. I was elated to see him again. This time, I was properly dressed and he took me to an ice cream cafe and on the way back, he sang me the song, ‘Raptured’ by Anita Baker which I like till now. While we were inside the car, I heard him say, ‘I am getting very fond of you.’ I wanted to be sure and I asked him to repeat it. When we eventually got home, he held my hand and said he wanted me to be his guest for a long time. I took it to mean that he wanted me as his friend for life.
What was the initial attraction?
Yvonne: I had people who liked me; I was a very strong church girl and people liked to relate to me but they were either too spiritual or extremely secular. I needed someone who could strike a balance between both extremes-one who feared God but still had some relevance to the world. Ken fitted that profile. He was young, upwardly mobile, finished school early and was doing well in business. It was an amazing relationship. We got married on June 16, 2001 and we have a son.
Were you attracted to her good manners?
Ken: Yes. She was prim and proper and everything about her was in their proper place. That was one of the reasons why I developed interest in her. I like pretty girls but I don’t like the ones who seem too wild or too withdrawn. She struck me as a confident woman who knew what she wanted and where she was heading in life.
What about the ladies you courted before she came along?
Ken: I was not courting any lady at the time she came along. I had some ladies but the relationships did not end in marriage.
Yvonne: I trusted him. He was very mature and he moved around with matured people and they spoke very well about him. A lot of people liked him and that was a huge endorsement for me. My father, who is reserved and does not take to people that easily, also loves Ken.
How has the journey been?
Yvonne: It has been interesting. It has been 13 years and it does not appear to be so long. I told him a few months after our marriage that it is generally said that after a few months into a marriage, couples get tired of each other. But his reply was that marriage was about responsibility and commitment. He has a matured way of reviewing life issues. He is very respectful and he carries people along in everything. Above all, he fears God and I trust him.
Ken: My guiding principle in marriage has always been the two factors she just mentioned. Love is not a feeling because you may feel this way today and tomorrow you may not feel anything anymore. But love is a commitment, it is a decision. You decide that as you get into a marriage, no matter what, you will be there for the woman. If that is your decision, then it will be difficult for events to affect the way you feel about your spouse. Ours is a playful relationship. We always find something to play about.
That means you don’t quarrel?
Yvonne: Our kind of quarrel is not one that makes people shout and scream at each other. This has never cropped up in our 13 years of marriage. If he is upset, I know what to do and vice versa.
What pet names do you have for each other?
Ken and Yvonne: We call each other ‘Baby.’
How did you delve into the etiquette business?
Yvonne: My upbringing prepared me for it. My parents were always particular about table manners, proper pronunciation of words, personal projection, behaviour and respect for others. After youth service, I came to work briefly in a finishing school in Lagos. Now, I am running the Etiquette Place, and it is working very well.
What do you do for a living?
Ken: I am an advertising practitioner but I call myself a national brand activist. |
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