TANX ALL YA

haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

This is a real story of a young ex Unilag girl who passed away last month. Her name was Lola. 
She was hit by a train at Oyingbo on her way to work at Apapa.

She was working at the MTN call center. She had a boy friend named Emeka, a banker who was recently transferred to Abuja . Both of them are true lovers even distance could not separate them.
They were always talking on the phone. You could never see her without her Cell phone.

In fact she also changed Emeka's SIM from Celtel to MTN, so both of them can be on the same network, and save on the cost of calls.

She spends half of the day and most nights talking with Emeka because she gets free calls.  Lola's family knows about their relationship.

Emeka is very close with Lola's family in spite of the tribal differences. (just imagine their love). 
 
Before she passed away at LUTH, she told her friends "If I pass away, please bury me with my Cell phone" she also said the same thing to her parents.

After her death at LUTH, the attendants couldn't carry her body to the mortuary. 
 
A lot of them tried to do so but still couldn't. 
They called more people and everybody tried to carry the body, the result was still the same. Eventually, they called a person who knew one of her priests in church who had the gift of communicating with the dead.
 
 He sprinkled some salt and water on the body and started speaking to himself slowly. After a few minutes, he said "this girl misses something here."   
Then her friends told him about her intentions to bury her with her phone.

He asked them to bring a coffin, and then he opened it and placed her phone and sim card inside the casket. After that they tried to carry the body. It could now be moved and they carried it away easily.

Everyone was shocked and sad, they were so shocked that Lola's parents did not inform Emeka that Lola had passed away and buried her quickly because of all the unusual circumstances. After 2 weeks Emeka called Lola's mom.....

Emeka:"Aunty, I'm coming to the house today, it is Lola's birthday  please I hope you will cook something nice for me.

Don't tell Lola that I'm coming to Lagos today, I want to surprise her."

Her mother replied..... "OK You come to Lagos first, I want to tell you something very important."
 After he came, they told him the truth about Lola. Emeka though that they were playing an April fool's joke. He was laughing and said "don't try to fool me - tell Lola to come out, i have a Birthday gift for her. Please stop this nonsense".

Then they showed the original death certificate to him. They also gave him other proof to make him believe. (Emeka started to sweat) He said... "Its not true. We spoke yesterday. She still calls me. 
 
Emeka was shaking...

Suddenly, Emeka's phone rang.. "he said, see this is from Lola, see this...." he showed the phone to Lola's family. all of them told him to answer. he talked using the loudspeaker mode. 
 
All of them heard his conversation. Loud and clear, no cross lines, no humming. It was the actual voice of Lola and there was no way others could use her staff sim card since it is nailed inside the casket before she was hurriedly buried.
 
They were so shocked and asked for the same priest (who can speak with the souls of the dead) again. This time he brought his Bishop along to help solve this matter.

He and his Bishop worked for 5 hours……………………………..

Then, they discovered one thing which really shocked them...

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MTN still has the best coverage!

"MTN Everywhere you go" is true!! Where ever you go, MTN follows!!!

Don't shoot me yet..
I am also looking for the person who sent me this mail....so I can box him/her too.

ALL ONDOS, COME AND ARREST DEGREATEST2 O, HE IS USING ONE DOG TO SHAKARA US O
moak na d same dog we go use shakara am no mine am. Dgreatest dey do like say in neva chop dog b/4

me ineva see dis one b/4, magomm i love it

i no dey help anybody sell oh

OMO D MAN WIFE TRY WELL WELL

Just read this... so I felt I could share it with U...

It got crowded in heaven, so for one day it was decided only to accept people who had really had a bad day on the day they died. St. Peter was standing at the gates and said to the first man, "Tell me about the day you died."


The man said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but couldn't find him anywhere. So I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes. So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed him. The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, and I died."


St. Peter couldn't deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a crime of passion, he let the man in. He then asked the next man in line about the day he died.

 "Well, sir, it was awful," said the second man. "I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment when I twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment below, but some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then the guy dropped a refrigerator on me!"


St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really start to enjoy this job.


"Tell me about the day you died?", he said to the third man in line.


"OK, picture this, I'm naked, hiding inside a refrigerator...."

serves her rite

dem go dey luk demselves, abi naw

na so oh do me i do u God no vex

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
lol....i prefare a rat more than this one...make that rat they chop my cloth than taking..this...watin i fit call  am sellf...
emmanuel4christ, u dey vex oh. anyway me i no want dis kin dog

Little Johnny watched his
Daddy ' s ' car pass by the school playground and go
into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane
In a passionate embrace.
 
Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could hardly contain himself as
 he ran home and started to tell his  mother.

  ' Mommy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy ' s car go into the woods with Aunt Jane.
 I went back to Look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, and then he helped
her take off her shirt.  Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his
Pants off, then Aunt Jane... '
At
this point Mommy cut him off and said,  ' Johnny, this is such
An interesting story, suppose you save! the rest of it for supper
Time.  I want to see the look on Daddy ' s face when you tell it
Tonight. '

At the dinner table that evening, Mommy asked little Johnny
To tell his story.  Johnny started his story, ' I was at the
Playground and I saw Daddy ' s car go into the woods with
Aunt Jane.  I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a
Big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt.  Then Aunt
Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and
Daddy started doing the same thing that Mommy and
Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Army. '
 
Mommy fainted!
 
Moral:
Sometimes you need to listen to the whole story Before you interrupt!

A Good day laughter - You will love this

Once there was a couple in their mid forties walking through a bush path and they came across a patch of mushrooms. The husband insisted it was the non
poisonous one while the wife was adamant this was the lethal stuff. Husband carried on to pick the  mushroom and consoled the wife; 'What we will do is
we will cook the stuff and feed it to the dog. If the dog dies, then we throw it away but if the dog is ok then we will also eat it.'

They got home and fed the mushroom after cooking it to the dog, it was the happiest dog in the village for a full four hours.
They then proceeded to eat the mushroom themselves.
  Just as they finished, their son ran into the room and announced in a hurry the death of the dog and then ran out.

The two parents looked at each other and tears rolled down their cheeks, the husband then announced: 'My wife I should have listened to you.

 Anyway seeing we are going to die I need to rest in peace and make sure I have been honest with you. You see that lady from next door has been my part-time
since we moved in and we meet in the garden every Sunday.'
He continued, 'When your sister came for X-mass, and you had too much wine and passed out, I slept with her too - your mother too but only once last year on
New Year's Eve.'

 With tears in her eyes the wife says, 'Its ok my darling that was all weaknesses of the flesh I have forgiven you, but you must listen to me too.

Each time I go to the butchery I always bring a lot of meat. Well it's because our second son is the butcher's child. As much as you have slept with the lady next
door I also sleep with the Husband on Saturday evenings when you are out with the Boys, and lastly since we got married 20 years ago I have never had
an orgasm from you.'

Both had mixed emotions, hatred, regret but their consolation was they were dying without any secrets.

So their son then run into the room again and looked at the parents weeping.

He then commented: 'My God! I didn't realize the two of you loved the dog that much! Anyway the guy whose car ran over the dog says he can buy us another
one!!'

Have a great day (,,,,without many secrets)...!!!
 

A young man named Oku met an attractive girl and started going out with her. Soon enough the two became inseparable and they agreed to marry.

Oku took the girl home so that she can meet his parents. After the
meeting, Oku told his dad of his intention to marry the girl and asked for
his blessings. The old man flatly refused to give his blessing.

Oku is shocked and asked his father to give him a reason for his
refusal.

The old man pulled his son aside and confided ' Oku my son, the girl you
want to marry is your sister, but let us keep it between ourselves
because your mommy doesn't know.'

Oku is flabbergasted and cannot believe this.  He left his dad and
remains distraught. After a few days of this frustration, his mother
noticed it and asked her son what is troubling him. Seeing it is his
mommy and feeling betrayed he told his mom his dad's little secret.

The mom pauses for a minute and then started to smile.   She looked at his
son and told him   ' Oku, if you love the girl then you should be with
her,  so marry her.'   Oku was surprised by this and asked his mother  ' what???
about what I've just told you? You do realize she is my sister?' The
The mom leaned in and whispered to her son  ' Oku, your daddy isn't your
father, but your daddy doesn't know

 

I just went for a bridal shower and here were these small scrolls handed to us as a thank you note. I opened mine and this is what it read...

DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS
40-ish..............................49
Adventurous.....................Slept with all your friends
Athletic............................No boobs
Average looking.................Ugly
Beautiful...........................Pathological liar
Contagious Smile................Does a lot of pills
Emotionally secure..............On medication
Feminist............................Fat
Free spirit..........................Junkie
Friendship first...................Former slut
Fun..................................Annoying
Gentle..............................Dull
New Age...........................Body hair in the wrong places
Open-minded.....................Desperate
Outgoing...........................Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate........................Sloppy drunk
Poet.................................Depressive
Professional.......................Bitch
Romantic...........................Frigid
Voluptuous........................Very Fat
Large frame.......................Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate................Stalker
Widow..............................Murderer

WOMEN'S ENGLISH

1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = you're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = you better not
8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?

MEN'S ENGLISH

1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay

This is a true and very moving story.
How do things like this keep happening? please read on.

A certain rich businessman had a beautiful daughter, who fell in
love with a guy who was a cleaner.

When the girl"s father came to know about their love, he did not Like it at all, and so began to protest about it.

Now it happened that the two lovers decided to leave their homes
For a happy future. The girl"s father started searching for the two
Lovers but could not find them.

At last, he accepted their love and asked them to come back home in A local newspaper. Her father said "If you both come back I will Allow you to marry the guy you love, I accept that you love each other Truly."

So in this way, their love won and they returned home.

The couple went to town to shop for the wedding dress. He was
Dressed in white shirt that day. While he was crossing the road to the Other Side to get some drinks for his wife, a car came and hit him and he died On the spot. The girl lost her senses. It was only after sometimes that She recovered from her shock. The funeral and cremation was done the very Next day because he died horribly.

Two nights later, the girl"s mother had a dream in which she saw an Old lady. The old lady asked her mother to wash the blood stains of the Guy from her daughter"s dress as soon as possible. But her mother Ignored the dream.

The next night her father had the same dream, he also ignored it.
Then when the girl had the same dream the next night, she woke up in Fear and told her mother about the dream. Her mother asked her to wash The Clothes which have blood stains immediately.

She washed the stains but some remained. Next night she again had The same dream she again washed the stains but some still remained.

Next night she again had the same dream and this time the old lady Gave her a last warning to wash the blood stain, or else something Terrible will happen. This time the girl tried her best to wash the Stains, And the clothes nearly tore, but some stains still remained.

She was very tired.

In the late evening the same day while she was alone at home,
Someone knocked the door. When she opened the door she saw the same old Lady of her dream standing at her door. She got very scared and fainted.

The old lady woke her up... and gave her a blue box, which shocked the girl. She asked "What is this...?"
And The old lady replied...



NEW IMPROVED BLUE OMO Washing Powder...
it will remove all stubborn stains!! !!!!!!!!!!!! !!!! !"... 

Handwriting

To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just chicken-scratch. Women use scented colored stationary and they dot their "i"s" with circles and hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in their "p"s" and "g"s". It is a royal pain to read a note from a woman. Even when she"s dumping you, she"ll put a smiley face at the end of the note.

Bathrooms

A man has at most six items in his bathroom - a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in a typical woman"s bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

Going out

When a man says he is ready to go out, it means he is ready to go out. When a woman says she is ready to go out, it means she will be ready to go out, as soon as she finds her other earring, finishes putting on her makeup,

Shoes

When preparing for work, a woman will put on a Mondi wool suit, and then slip into Reebok sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag from Saks. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later, she will kick them off because her feet are under her desk. A man will wear one pair of shoes for the entire day.

Mirrors

Men are vain; they will check themselves out in the mirror. Women are ridiculous; they will check out their reflections in any shiny surface--mirrors, spoons, store windows, toasters, Joe Garagiola"s head.

Jewelry

Women look nice when they wear jewelry. A man can get away with wearing one ring, and that"s it. Any more than that and he will look like a lounge singer named Vic?

Direction

If a woman is out driving and she finds herself in unfamiliar surroundings, she will stop at a gas station and ask for directions. Men consider this to be a sign of weakness. Men will never stop and ask for directions. Men will drive in a circle for hours, all the while saying things like, "Looks like I"ve found a new way to get there", and, "I know I"m in the neighborhood. I recognize that White Hen store".

Nicknames

With the exception of female body-builders, who call each other names like "Ultimate Pecs" and "Big Turk", women eschew the use of nicknames. If Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah and Michelle get together for lunch, they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah and Michelle. But if Mike, Dave, Rob and Jack go out for a brew sky, they will affectionately refer to each other as Bullet-Head, Godzilla, Peanut Brain and Useless.

Wat d 4ck......u gurlz always talk about the men but u don't talk about urselves         
 
why u dey vex na

Since the world is waiting to vote the first Black man to become the America President, which mean attention will be toward Black men. Girl which one of these are you dating now?

1. MR. THUG LIFE
Real good at making love. Fun & Exciting. Makes you laugh. Has your back and will fight and protect you. Usually drinks and/or smokes too much Always got drama. Stays a thug forever (even past 29 years. old).In and out of jail.

2. MR. I DON"T HAVE A GIRLFRIEND
Will take you out in the beginning. Will introduce you to all his friends. Compliments you all the time. Has a girlfriend who he"s been with since secondary school. Will not get rid of her. He tells you about her after you"ve fallen in love with him

3. MR. HIGH ROLLER Advantages
Will give you money with no questions asked. Has a lot of style to him. Will show you some of the nice things in life. Never returns your pages. Feels he can come to your house at any given time without calling first. Loves to be around his boys more than you.

4. MR. I"M IN THE ENTERTAINMENT BUSINESS Advantages
Can get you and your friends on the guest list at all the fly parties. Can have a decent stimulating conversation. Tends to dress nice. You don"t know if he"s homosegxwal, heterosegxwal, or bi.Seems flighty when you speak of a solid commitment. You still have to wait in line to get in all the fly parties, when there"s drama at the door. All he has is a bunch of pictures with celebrities, but he doesn"t know them personally.

5. MR. INTELLECTUAL
Book smart. Cares about how you feel. Has a very good job. Calls you all the time (returns your calls within 10 minutes). Boring as hell. Can"t make love. He is not street smart always asking you when he can see you again.

6. MR. GHETTO
THE BOMB IN BED!!!!!!!! Makes you laugh. Got mad style and flava. Have a temper, but generally a charming sweet guy. Says he wants a real relationship. He"s 3 or more baby momma’s. Wants to lay up in your crib to use the phone and smoke and eat up all the food. Is in denial when you tell him about himself. Comes home at 3am and says he was out with his boys.

7. MR. I"M A RIGHTEOUS BLACK MAN!
Will teach you about black history. Revolutionary. Inspiring and gives to you spiritually and emotionally. Wants a wife and family. Breaks up with you for a white piece of trash. No money-doesn"t have a job (*counter-evolutionary).
Doesn"t own a nice suit, always wearing camouflage. In the end you find out he is just a trifling con.


8. MR. NICE GUY
Will introduce you to his mother. Has a job and will take you out. Will give you money for your bills. Sometimes he goes to church on Sunday secretly wants to be Mr. Thug Life. Wears fake Movado and Rolex watches when he goes to the club. Ignores you when the game is on. You find out after you break up with him that he was cheating on you.

9. MR. PLAYA
Will tell you that you"re not the only one (keeps it real). Sometimes he"s fairly decent in bed. He tells you that you"ve changed him and he"s ready to settle down. Has his own apartment and car (Invites you to move in with him). He doesn"t acknowledge you in public, especially if there are women around. Generally he is a wimp who won"t stand up for anything. He expects you to believe all his lies. After you find out he"s no good, he tells you that he told you he was a playa in the beginning anyway.

10. MR. I HAVE A JOB
Of course, he has a job. Doesn"t have too many bad habits.Will take care of you when you"re sick. Tells you that he is in love with you. You stay in the relationship 2 years or more and then find out he"s a shiftless, lazy Slob who wants you to do all of the wifely duties but won"t give you a ring. He ends up telling you that he loves you, but is not "in love" with you. After he leaves you he gets married a month later.

11. MR. BEST FRIEND
He"s your best friend you both tell each other everything you get along very well. He gives you advice when you and your man are having problems. The ultimate gentleman. Sweet and caring with a good sense of humour.
You end up hooking up with him only to find he ain"t about s**t either

It would be interesting for me to find out which type of guy you think you are most like,