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1  Forum / Naijapals Base (Metro life) / Yeepa! 50cent shows off his 172 carats diamond chain on: 7-12-2013 07:36PM

The rapper and businessman showed off his massive new chain on his instagram page a few days ago. It's a 172 carats diamonds chain that weighs about 2 kilos. 50cent posted the pics which he captioned; "I'm so chunky right now. Try 2 kilo's 172 carrots natural Diamonds.

50cent is not rich, he's wealthy. A chain like this will probably build a mansion in Lagos...:-).
2  Forum / Naijapals Base (Metro life) / See Nigerian Young couple jailed in the UK for internet banking scam on: 7-12-2013 07:26PM

Nigerian couple, 22 year old Aderoju Bammeke, (pictured left) and his girlfriend 20 year old Jessica Ogunyemi, (pictured right) have been jailed in the UK for being part of a Nigerian gang that hacked into the accounts of several people and stole thousands of dollars from them, Daily Mail UK reports

    "The couple were part of a global internet banking scam which could have netted a phenomenal £19million after hacking the accounts of nearly 2,500 people. Aderoju and Jessica were the UK 'platform' for a Nigerian 'phishing' scam that made £41,000 in just two months.

    The plot, masterminded by a gang in Nigeria, involved sending fake emails to customers of banks including Barclays and Halifax. The emails told recipients that their accounts had been hacked and asked them to complete a form with their log-in details. But when victims obliged, Bammeke stepped in and helped the gang log in to steal money.

Fashion marketing student Ogunyemi, his girlfriend at the time, helped him launder the proceeds by putting funds in accounts, hiding cash and allowing him to buy her a £2,400 Vauxhall Corsa.

Bammeke has now been jailed for three-and-a-half years at Manchester Crown Court after admitting conspiracy to commit fraud and unauthorised computer use.
Ogunyemi admitted five counts of money laundering and was given a suspended prison sentence.

Michael Lavery, defending Ogunyemi, said she had brought shame on her family, including her train driver father and mother who works for Manchester council.
He said she had been 'naive', was predicted to get a first in her degree and was no longer in a relationship with Bammeke.

Bammeke had pleaded guilty at an earlier hearing to conspiracy to commit fraud and unauthorised computer use while Ogunyemi admitted five counts of money laundering.

Sentencing Bammeke, Judge Recorder Gibson said: 'This in my opinion was a sophisticated fraud, a clever fraud and a fraud which could very easily have resulted in very much more substantial money being stolen.'
He jailed Ogunyemi for a year, suspended for two years, and ordered her to complete 180 hours' unpaid work.

After the hearing, Detective Superintendent Janet Hudson of TITAN, the North-West Regional Crime Unit, said: 'The actions of Bammeke and Ogunyemi caused a great deal of stress and uncertainty to many affected bank customers who had their accounts accessed.

'As a result of the investigation, no customers were left out of pocket and the offenders were arrested and ultimately sentenced. Internet banking is considered a safe and secure method of banking.
'However, bank customers need to remain vigilant and aware of the danger posed by fraudsters. Customers should only ever navigate directly to an online bank website and should never click on any link sent to them through an email.

'Additionally when accessing bank accounts online customers should always be aware of the exact address in order to ensure that they are actually on a legitimate banking website.'

3  Forum / Naijapals Base (Metro life) / See Dayo Amusa became a proprietress on: 7-12-2013 07:12PM

Dayo Amusa

In an era where celebrities lavish money on parties, expensive houses and cars, popular Nollywood actress, Dayo Amusa, decided to give back to the society by investing in children.

The producer is now a school owner. She recently opened a school and crèche, PayDab, in Ibadan, Oyo State.

The actress is still celebrating the success of her film, Unforgivable, which she attributed to her fans. She said, “I am grateful for the support of my fans, it is very encouraging to have fans who appreciate your work. For the fact that the movie is in both Yoruba and English, I am impressed at the level of success so far. I have been getting phone calls, messages on Facebook and tweets appreciating the movie. Unforgivable has been topping box office sales in its first week of release. It is generating quite a huge media buzz, and the review has been tremendous.”
4  Forum / Naijapals Base (Metro life) / Chidinma....Those sex tapes made me more popular on: 7-12-2013 06:49PM
Kora award winner and Ex Project Fame winner, Chidinma Ekile, tells ‘Nonye Ben-Nwankwo how she has been able to manage the recent controversies surrounding her

You won Kora Awards last year and this year again, you were nominated for an international award, Channel O Awards. Did you ever imagine that you would get to this stage?

No way. I never imagined it in any way. All I did was just to be focused. I knew this was what I loved doing and I decided to just keep doing it. I didn’t expect that it would get this big. Sometimes I sit back and I think back of how it started.

But did the awards have any impact on your career?

Oh yes. When I won the Kora and got back to Nigeria, it was a whole different experience. People started treating me differently. They wondered how ‘small’ Chidinma could go to Cote D’ivoire and bring the Kora home. It added to my profile. Being nominated for the Channel O Award is a big deal for me even if I didn’t clinch the award.

How has it been since then?

It has been good and challenging. It has been a lot of work.

Did you go back to school?

Oh yes. I am managing my career and my studies. I don’t have a choice. I wake up every day and I realise I have a lot of things to do. This is really the best time to tidy up my education. This is my youth. I get busier by the day. It will get tougher. I have to do what I have to do before time gets tougher.

Are you not scared or intimidated competing with other bigger female artistes in the industry?

I have never been a competition person even though I am a product of a competition. But I didn’t see Project Fame as a competition. I was doing what I love doing. In the industry, I am not in any competition. I am just Chidinma. I have tried to carve a niche for myself. I try to be different all the time. I don’t like a situation where somebody will say ‘Chidinma sounds like this person or that person.’ When that comes, competition arises. I am not in for that. I just want to be me and I always try to improve. I want to be versatile. I don’t want to be put in a box. I am here to have fun and make money at the same time.

But you must look up to some of the female artistes…

Definitely. Most of the time I was preparing for the Project Fame competition, I listened to Omawumi a lot. I followed her right from the time she came out of West African Idols. I just loved her kind of music. It is African and she has lots of messages at the same time. I love Onyeka Onwenu as well. I can learn from any one. I am still able to talk and ask question. I am still their baby.

Do you owe Project Fame all you have achieved?

I owe it to Project Fame to a reasonable extent. I don’t think I would be here if not for Project Fame. I didn’t take music seriously. I felt it was something I could do during my leisure. I didn’t know it would become a profession.

If you hadn’t won, you wouldn’t have been bothered?

It wouldn’t have mattered. I didn’t even know I was going to win. I felt I was having fun and if I got money, it was okay. I didn’t want to be the winner. I didn’t want everybody’s eyes to be on me. But it happened and I didn’t have a choice. I decided to give it a trial. That is why I am here today.

You eventually came into the spotlight and it opened doors to controversies and scandals…

I have been in the news lately. My manager told me that I am a balloon on top of lots of needles. People want me to drop on those needles and get deflated. He told me to be careful. The first time was when my Nood picture went viral. I actually went for a photo shoot for my friend. I wore a tube dress. Some mischief makers actually cropped off the lower part of the picture and posted it on the Internet. It was as if I was Nood. I wasn’t happy at all. I had that picture. I had to post the real picture on the net and people now got convinced the Nood picture wasn’t original. I thought that was the end, I didn’t know a bigger scandal was coming…

You mean the record?

Oh yes. I woke up one morning and I was greeted on the internet with ‘Chidinma and sex tape’.  I was worried primarily because of my mother. I didn’t let her see the video but I had to show her the photos. I didn’t want to go out that day. I couldn’t go out. But my mum felt otherwise. She told me to ignore the mischief makers. I almost took some actions but I thought against it. I met Sound Sultan on a set. He told me, ‘Babe, you are now a star. I welcome you officially into the industry.’ I trended for three days. Even people who didn’t know me got to know me. My fan base grew. And then, I was happy because more than 90 per cent of the public didn’t believe I was the one in that video. There were people who didn’t need to see the video to believe I couldn’t have done such thing. I am just grateful to everyone who didn’t believe the story. My twitter account was hacked and the people created another account. They kept releasing nasty pictures and they were even responding to the tweets as if I was the one doing it. I was just watching and laughing. It put me in the spotlight. I used it for good.

But such scandal shouldn’t be good for your career…

Ever since I started, I have been scared of scandals. I didn’t want to have any. But I realised that I cannot run away from it. It is just normal. It is not everybody who is happy seeing me rise. Some people are trying to do something to stop me. But sex tape is not enough to stop me. They should bring up something else. The sex tape just took me to another level in my career. It moved me up. This is no more ‘little’ Chidinma. It didn’t bring me down in any way. I am still doing a lot of things.

One of the Skuki boys said he is in love with you and would want to marry you…

Oh yes. Everybody wants to marry me but I am not ready for marriage.

But the boy came out publicly and declared his love for you…

I laughed when I saw that story. I have not considered his request. I still have to make more money before I consider marriage. He is actually my friend and he never told me something like that. I have been linked with so many people. People cannot imagine me being a saint. They are just looking for something to attach to me.

How does it feel like being a star?

It is a lot of work. People see me and envy me and say ‘ohhh, she is now a star and she must be enjoying’. I am not enjoying. The more you are there, the more you do things. The expectation is now so high. Being a star is not so much fun because you have to do more work. You have to please people. You have to smile even when you are not in the mood. It is so frustrating. But then, you owe it to some people, you have put yourself out there. This is what I have signed for. Nobody begged me to do this.
5  Forum / Naijapals Base (Metro life) / Causes of brake up in relationship. on: 6-12-2013 05:46PM
Don’t say that you weren’t warned! Nothing can kill a budding relationship faster than one of the seven dating mistakes below.
1. Rushing into s*x
If you have s*x before a man has had a chance to get to know you, then you risk him placing you in the “fling” category and losing interest. A man has to invest and appreciate your other qualities beyond the physical for him to want to make you his girlfriend. So don’t be afraid to take your time and make him wait.
2. Opening up too fast
Likewise, it isn’t smart to rush in and tell him all of your sad childhood stories. Although it’s natural to want to speed up the bonding process, you have to pace the amount of information you share. You don’t want to scare him off with TMI or convince him that you’re a high-drama mamma.
3. Calling/texting/emailing too much
While it’s true that we live in an age of over-sharing, you’ll just have to trust us on this one and play it cool. Men typically enjoy playing the role of the chaser, not the chasee, so constantly calling them can have the reverse effect of making them less interested, not more. So put down that phone, slowly back away from the computer, and let him sweat it out for a change.
4. Spying on him
It may be tempting to take a quick peak at his Blackberry, but there’s no faster way to inflame trust issues than to snoop.
5. Expecting him to change
People do not change very much as they get older, especially men. So if there are numerous things about him that you can’t stand, then it might be wiser to just change to a different man.
6. Neglecting yourself
While it’s important to nurture a budding relationship, sacrificing all of your energy and time to it and ignoring your own needs is a huge mistake. Whether you’re in a relationship or not, you should always love and take care of yourself first.
6  Forum / Naijapals Base (Metro life) / Dear OBB readers: My new boss is my wife's ex on: 6-12-2013 05:31PM
From a male OBB reader
I just found out that my new boss is the man my wife dumped a few years ago to marry me. The man was planning to marry her and saw her through her university days financially and also supported her family. We met during our NYSC, fell in love and got married shortly after. My woman handled the discharging of her ex codedly. Now 4 years into our marriage, there's a big issue. I just got this really good job and my direct boss happens to be the man my wife dumped for me.
He knows who I am because he confronted me back when my wife left him for me, but since I started this job, he hasn't said anything to me but I noticed he excludes me from most of the activities that concern staff and I suspect he's trying to sabotage me. He hasn't done anything yet, I'm just worried that he has bad plans for me. Should I quit or should I wait to see what he's up to? I don't look forward to going to work at all.
7  Forum / Naijapals Base (Metro life) / man wearing jeansring pant on: 4-12-2013 06:50PM

Damn! I'm out of here! Lol.whatz dis man doing with women dis crazy or wat?
8  Forum / Naijapals Base (Metro life) / people of Akure please take Heart on: 1-12-2013 05:15PM

The Deji of Akure, Oba Adebiyi Adesida, died in the early hours of this morning in Akure, Ondo State. Details of how the monarch died are sketchy. His passing will be officially announced in seven days time according to tradition.

Oba Adesida became Deji of Akure just three years ago in 2010 after the previous Oba, Oluwadare Adesina Adepoju, was dethroned and banished by the Ondo state government for physically attacking his wife and pouring an unknown substance on her skin.

Oba Adesida was 63 years old. May his soul rest in peace.. Amen
9  Forum / Naijapals Base (Metro life) / How does it feel to be a Problem?(A poetry) on: 30-11-2013 04:01PM

Do we trod the famished road with the single hope of an oasis at the end?

The desert sands shall give no mercy to a man of faith

Let us go then from the lands we baptised with pain

Let us, like Ulysses, set sail like the Vikings To mete and dole unequal laws upon a savage race.

Do we weep for the things unseen?

Tell me, my kinsman, how it feels to bring goodluck?

Even when ants have ecstatically ravaged your iron fence.

Tell me how it feels to drink from an oasis
In the patched mind of a thirsty traveller.

Do we weep for the roads not taken?

We saw the Kiama bridge and that which goes to Yenogoa
Do we require the gods to tell us where to go?

The soothsayers are out of business now

We have all turned prophets like the people of Eleusis.

The desert sands does not forgive a penitent feet

Neither does the hungry pather puts faith in the gods for a meal

So tell me! Tell me oh kinsman, how does it feel to be a problem?

What does it require of a genius to be a fool?

Does it require being pious?

Does it require taking existence serious?

We were sent here to build a hole

A hole which we have built so deep that we no longer see the light

I gave a penny to a beggar and he gave it to his brother in penury

I clean the guillotine daily, only to be stained with the blood of feeble minds.

Finding myself alone

Only for my solitude to be arrested by thoughts of things I had lost.

When I walked from Carthage to Karnem-Borno, there were no tears of burnt and scratched metals

When I listened to Homer, there were no use of afflicting words

When I slept in homes carved out from the intelligence of Masons, there were no natural disasters.

The Aare-Ona-Kakanfo has refused to return

Maybe the age grades should hunt for him

Just make sure the Sultan is still on seat when I return

If I do not return then I am your problem.
10  Forum / Naijapals Base (Metro life) / CRIME 101 Part One on: 30-11-2013 03:36PM
CRIME 101 Part One

    I’m way out of my league on this one. I thought and I was right. My mouth was parched dry, my heart pumping so hard and loud I was looking round just to be sure people weren’t hearing it pound in her cage. My heart’s a woman after all, she’s cowardly. My mum always said she wanted a girl, well she got one only in a male body. However she-heart or not, I’ve been pushed over the edge lately. They say a woman scorned has more fury than hell, everyone had better steer clear. It’s better to be on the devil’s side than to be in her path. In the meantime, I Was out of Ideas. What was I thinking? Why didn’t I think at all? Yes I got through the security door with the gun, banks these days are so lax about the metal detection thingy. Once there’s a crowd they let everyone through.

Now In the crowded banking hall, for the first time I stopped to think about my tomfoolery. I was angry and stomped out of my house, took a bus ride halfway across the city to rob a bank. The doctor’s call was urgent, resolute and grim. Half payment by the end of the day or no treatment. So I walked out of the house with every reason to be angry but not enough to leave my reasoning behind. Walked to the only criminal friend I had ever known, and by God he had a gun to lend me. Rented it to me was more what he did. So I already owed two thousand Naira for this thoughtless and fruitless buffoonery.
I looked around to make sure my silliness was neatly tucked in my head, everyone was too busy to notice me anyway. Turns out sweat actually gets heavy on the face and in the armpits when produced profusely. I walked towards the exit. It was crowded at the exit so we were made to enter the metal detecting doors in pairs. A silly woman allowed her toddler in with me as she waited till the door opened again. It would take at least a minute after the creepy door set us free before she finally got out of the bank, I could easily kidnap her son or so I thought, or maybe I wasn’t thinking again. I just got a new idea-Kidnapping. Definitely not this kid or his mother though. It’s mothers like her that put their kids on flights just for the compensation for plane crash victims.
Jude was calling, he had been curious about what I needed the gun for. I just told him it was personal. Then he started the speech about me all grown up, growing balls and other gibberish. It’s crazy how lowlifes and criminals were quick to equate crime to bravery or some bravado. Scaring unarmed people with guns is one of the most cowardly acts in my book. One that I must now resort to. I had always opined that anyone that felt too” brave” to live with civilians should join the military.
“never been happier to hear your voice man” Jude hollered so loudly I thought i put him on speaker
“yeah” I replied limply
“How did it go”
“still working on it” I lied, I hadn’t even begun yet
I couldn’t tell him about my silly idea to rob the bank else the “balls” he cultivated for me would wither and die instantly
“okay, don’t just forget the payment”
He hung up.
Quietly I walked down the road away from the bank without looking back, the weight of my sweat and the gun on my waist wearing me out as I walked. Maybe it was the fact that I had not eaten in two days. Every penny in the last few weeks had to be accounted for now I had to spend another bucket load of cash to buy sachet water.
Drowned the bag in a few gulps, I felt better right away. I smiled lightly too when I wondered what I would have sounded like if I tried to rob the bank with my parched throat. I didn’t even have a catch phrase, -Hands up! or Your Money or your life! or please help I need cash! I hadn’t watched enough movies to know the right thing to say.
As I amused myself I noticed the mini-mart just adjacent from here I was sipping my second sachet water. Only one guard in blue uniform guarded the place, he was more of a greeter and a door opener than a guard. He definitely wasn’t carrying a weapon. If both our hearts were taken out, I would probably beat him in a hand to hand fight. So why not rob the damned place?
So I squeezed the last drops of water into my mouth and walked across the road into the mart, I had just seven hundred naira in my pocket out of which I must but food for my ill mother and transport myself to her hospital so I definitely wasn’t shopping for anything. I was pretty much the only customer in the store. Good news because it would be an easy robbery, it was bad news because it meant there would be little or no money in the cash registry.
It started about six months ago when she would complain constantly about sore throats, poor people would try putting salt in warm water or breathing into cracks in the wall, stupid beliefs that were incredulously believed. Well, my mother did both. The sore throats persisted so we upgraded to tomtom sweets and “baba blue”. Then we up scaled to strepsils and dequadin and vitamin c, she took the minty things till her tongue, gums and palate were bleached. Eating became an arduous task. She lost a lot of weight then came the cough, it was terrible, multiple cough syrups were drowned like bowl soups.
Church, that was usually the next poor people’s option, after all miracles were free. Fasting came naturally to us, we were doing long before there was need. Fast and pray sounded a lot like breathe and pray. The cough got worse, she was always tired. She couldn’t sleep unless we propped up three or four pillows behind her back. The cough increased so did the pillows it was only a matter of time before she had to sleep erect. Her breathing got worse and heavier, and then we did what the average earners do-We took her to the hospital. After multiple scans and diagnosis, the doctor invited me to his office and spoke to me firmly but calmly. Pointing at the “map” of a heart in his office explaining that my mother had a heart condition that needed to be operated immediately. He pointed the item that needed to be replaced on his map, the triscupid valve. if only I could only wish i could get one at shoprite, I thought. Then he went on to explain in gibberrish how it was a streptococcal infection, a vegetation of bacterial that infected the valve and how it could be replaced with a plastic valve. Finally he spoke some English, the procedure would cost eight hundred thousand naira. It was time to do what the rich folks do- pay.
There was no way in the world I would get eight hundred thousand dollars in cash in a mini-mart, what was I thinking? Was I thinking? When or if I get over this, my excuse for being so stupid would be the weight of the burden I bore. I still had to pay for the gun nonetheless so why not rob the store anyway, besides I had to eat.
The two attendants at the store were busy watching a local movie on the T.V. and arguing about how many kids majid michael had. Two or three? That was about the number of bullets Jude lent me, two attendants and a guard. Surely I wasn’t planning on killing anyone but if my threats were to be convincing, they had to be true. They were too engrossed to notice my confusion.
I could easily subdue the two girls but i still had to worry about the guard outside. He’d see me through the glass door if I held the girls at gunpoint and I had no idea what he’ll do.
The girls got too loud watching the movie and their laughter suckered the guard in. He was curious to see the source of excitement so he walked into the store. The gods favour me. In that instant I pulled out my gun and walked straight to the guard and said in a calm cold voice
“Get on your knees”
I almost smiled when he got down on his knees without a fuss. It was the first time ever and the best feeling ever. Sovereignty! The two girls were already whimpering in their seats.
“get over here” I yelled at the guard with renewed confidence.
He obediently groveled towards me like a trained dog, if he was bold enough to look up he must have spotted the wry smile on my face. I didn’t let him get too close, couldn’t take the risk.
“Open the cash drawer” I yelled at the girls
One of them wobbly walked to the cash drawer, the wry smile was on my face again, this time broader.
Four thousand Naira! Four measly thousand naira, I bemoaned as I walked away from the store.
“We never sell today” the girl had pleaded
It wasn’t worth the my impugning.
I walked slowly down the road, I didn’t expect anyone to harass me over stealing four grand.
However, I had locked the guard and the girls in the mart’s bathroom I could still feel the key in my pocket. I left them with a phone though. It was only a matter of time before they called someone to help. I had to get the heck outta the street, I hailed the nearest okada.
Hospitals all have the same sickening smell, sickening sights, bandages, blood, tears, human trellises and of course Insolence. Mother doesn’t know her condition or what it will cost to be operated, The doctor and I had agreed it was best that way for now. If she knew the cost, she’d lose hope and ask to be taken home. Well I’m not resigning her fate just yet, I even bought her favourite dish.
“Patrick, Mr.Patrick”
I instantly recognized the doctor’s voice, it’s been just two days but the voice of hope is always distinct. He invited me into his office. The pounding began again, he wouldn’t speak to me as I walked silently behind him, My knees began to wobble.
“Doctor Patrick”  I called out to him weakly, He bore my name but by no means bore my burden. I wondered how many people he had seen die over the years, he must have been void of emotions by now, same with serial killers I must imagine. If you’ve witnessed multiple deaths, you must have run out of tears, I think?
“Doctor Patrick, Is anything the matter?” I asked again
He managed to look back at me just before opening his office door.
“Just come with me”
Didn’t know what the words meant, my brain froze.
I couldn’t imagine what I’d do it the worst had happened, no idea what I’d become but I knew it wouldn’t be pleasant. What’s the point of living right if the righteous ones like mother were helpless?
He offered me a seat, the bad signs kept escalating. Surely it was over.
A doctor told me to sit once before too, Just before announcing father’s demise just two years back, well I wasn’t taking a seat today. I was grinding my jaws, I wouldn’t cry but first thing I’d beg the doc to do is carve out the girl heart I had and replace it with Hitler’s. It’ll be just dumb to keep living on my knees begging the doc, begging the banks, begging for help. There’s got to be another way, there had to. I would never be in this situation again ever I vowed silently as I waited for the bomb.
“Just tell me what is doc”
Then he took a deep breath and began.
11  Forum / Naijapals Base (Metro life) / Divine Diary (part 1) on: 30-11-2013 03:17PM

Divine diary

Yetunde recalled that fateful day her father was said to have bidden the world farewell.

She had just returned from school, alighting from a lorry returning to Kuti town from Igaolu village where her school was located. She observed there was crowd in front of her home. Iya Toun, her father’s aunt, used to sell akara then, and Yetunde thought there were many customers on that very day. She grew confused when she saw that there was no akara on the counter, and those people seemed to be their ‘face-me-I-face-you’ neigbours and those from the next house; they stood, huddling together in silence.

Some people seemed to be sitting with heads drooped like a withered plant beside Iya Toun whose face had already turned rivers of tears.

Some of the neigbours started shaking their heads as they sighted the little Yetunde whose charming face was covered in fear. She forced her way to where Iya Toun was sitting at the verandah and asked what the matter was.

“Nothing. Okay?” Iya Toun said after rubbing her face with the end of her wrapper, and quickly forced a warm smile at her, “Go and drop your bag in the room. Your food is on the table.”

“Why are so many people here,” Yetunde asked curiously, “and why are you not selling your goods today? I saw tears on your face, Mama. Please tell me what the matter is …Where is Toun?” The last question heaved a lump in her throat. She thought something had happened to Toun, her female cousin, because she was a sickler.

“She is not back from school yet.” Iya Toun responded firmly, trying as much as she could to contain her sorrow, “Go inside, nothing has happened to anyone. Okay?”

Yetunde asked no more question throughout that day. She was expecting her Dad to come and pay her a visit on the next day which was Saturday. He had always come to give her money, new storybook and clothes every weekend. She didn’t worry much. He might be too busy after all, she thought. She was hopeful to see him on the next Saturday, but he didn’t appear throughout the day.

“Mama, why is Daddy not coming to see me?” she had whined.

“‘Oloju ede mi’, Daddy is too busy to come around.” Iya Toun said, and pecked her on the forehead.

She wasn’t convinced yet. No matter how busy Dad could be, he couldn’t afford to miss his only precious daughter’s face for two whole weeks, she assured herself.

Many weeks passed, she kept pestering Iya Toun to take her to Idenro village where her father was residing. Iya Toun told her that he had travelled out of the country to buy her new clothes, jewelries and shoes. Yetunde’s heart leapt excitedly at the mention of those new surprises.

After two years she could bear it no more. No one could satisfy her needs as much as her Dad. She soaked her pillow with tears all night. Sometimes, she would have bad dreams, seeing her Dad shedding tears and beckoning her to come and meet him, but she could not – there would be a deep pit between them. She had that same nightmare almost all night.

One day, she had demanded the true story of her Dad’s sudden disappearance from Iya Toun. She had realized that her Dad would inform her if truly he had travelled in order to buy her gifts. When the woman wouldn’t yield, Yetunde held a sharp knife, aiming to stab herself in the stomach. It was that moment Iya Toun broke into tears and narrated what happened to her.

She told her that her Dad had been mistakenly shot by armed robbers while going to work early in the morning.

“I knew it then!” Yetunde collapsed to her knees while boiling tears sprang out of her eyes. The bloodthirsty knife clattered on the floor; “I was suspicious that somebody died … so it’s my Dad.” Her voice sank with the last word.

“I can’t let your generation vanish like this, Yetunde,” Iya Toun burst into tears as she cuddled her mournfully; they were almost drinking from each other’s tears as they both sniffed, “I can’t watch you die … I love you. Okay? … I love you so much like my own daughter … I want you to take heart. You don’t need to go and join your both parents in heaven. I will try as much as I can to take care of you.”

Yetunde’s father, Kehinde, was a primary school teacher during his lifetime. He was nicknamed ‘Fine Oyinbo Teacher’ by his pupils because of his fair skin and pointed nose. Yetunde was his only daughter and she had taken after her father with fair skin. Yetunde’s mother had died during childbirth when Yetunde was four years of age. Ever since then she had been staying with Iya Toun in Kuti town.

Yetunde had sworn that her father’s murderer and all his family must also be doomed by bullet of a gun. She had sworn for 41 nights with her Bible on her chest. She recorded the day she started in her diary in order to be precise with the calculation. And she would burst into tears each day she read out from the diary all the promises her father had made to her.

Yetunde’s mind came back to present from the sorrowful memory. The incident was about 8 years ago. It was just a few months ago Yetunde turned eighteen. Now she was standing along a dusty road that led to the stream, waiting for Temi, her best friend, who had promised to meet her on the way. It was New Year’s Eve. Kuti town in Abeokuta was teeming with new faces from across the town. Yetunde was holding a purple basin in her left hand while her right hand was akimbo. The ‘ankara’ wrapper and the white, sleeveless blouse on her still defined her plump, shapely figure.

‘Tomorrow will be the beginning of 1992’, she thought joyously and started praying for all she wished to achieve in that year.

Yetunde could remember how she used to splash water with Temi and many boys during her childhood at that very stream. She couldn’t swim in the midst of boys again. She thought there was a veil blocking her eyes then. It was those times she was still in primary school, but now in SS2, looking forward to graduate in SS3. She was in Art class, aspiring to study mass communication in higher institution. She wondered how her dream would be fulfilled without her father. She wasn’t certain if Iya Toun would sponsor her education to university level.

Just then Yetunde observed a group of boys coming from afar off towards the stream. They soon walked closer with water barrels, kegs and paint containers. Four of them were boys from her neighbourhood and others were strangers. She found herself staring at one of the strange boys without knowing the reason why.

She quickly controlled herself as she observed that the boy’s eyes was about to meet hers from the gathering. She briefly exchanged greetings with Jide, her childhood friend, and the three boys that lived right beside her house as they walked past her. She ignored those unfamiliar faces that seemed be to be admiring her look, including the one that just trapped her heart as a snare does to little rats.

Yetunde’s pride was taller than Olumo rock, and she could be jovial sometimes. To those familiar boys, Yetunde’s beauty grew more every day like that of a rose planted by the river, and the strangers couldn’t resist her sight.

Yetunde could hear some of the boys hail Jide as ‘Oko iyawo’ and wished to hear him protest against that; instead he was smiling and swaggering while they all kept glancing back at her. Jide was envied by his friends as they all believed he was more than friends with Yetunde who was one of the jewels in Kuti town.

Yetunde received not less than 15 letters from boys on a weekly basis, and she had always burned most to ashes after reading them without giving replies. She would laugh at some boys’ grammatical errors and bad handwriting. Boys rarely proposed to her physically because her face seemed to turn a mighty fire, and in the end she would rain insult on them.

The only male friends she had were her classmates in school and few ones she could accept as friends in the neighbourhood. Some boys had once planned to assault her, but they were restrained by the belief that she was a disguised daughter of ‘Yemoja’, the river goddess. Otherwise how could she appear so perfect in all bodily features?

Yetunde wished she could let those boys know that Jide was nothing to her more than a childhood friend. In those days, as a little child, Jide always acted the role of a father while Yetunde, Temi and their other friends would act as wives during child’s play called ‘Mummy and Daddy’. She laughed at the thought that she had always become jealous, fighting for the role of Jide’s first wife. That kind of role was for child’s play. Childhood was an entirely different world! She thought.

The Little Jide of those days had now grown strong, fit and good-looking. And he was the one who had been defending Yetunde from bullies by their peers in their very tender age. Jide had once saved her from drowning at the stream, and that very day Yetunde had promised to marry him when they became grown-ups. And now she thought that was a childish promise. Such promise might not be a debt in God’s eyes. Somehow, Jide didn’t seem to attract her any longer. She only wanted him to remain her friend.

Her mind wandered back to the sight of that attractive boy. Although he didn’t appear to be the most handsome of them all, but there was something peculiar about his look. He was gracefully tall and had eyes of magnet. That was what she could relate those eyes to, as they were too catchy and delicate like that apple which tempted Adam and Eve in the ‘Garden of Eden’. Maybe just like her own eyes; because Iya Toun and some of their neigbours would sometimes call her ‘Yetunde oloju ede.’ (Yetunde whose face appears like a crayfish) It was because the appearance of crayfish is always tempting and irresistible after it’s been fried or roasted.

“So, you are still here!” Temi intruded on her thought from behind.

“Yes of course,” Yetunde said, wearing a naughty smile as they headed to the stream together, “Didn’t you ask me to wait for you?”

“I did, but I expected you to leave for the stream when I have delayed you,” Temi said as she fumbled with a strap of cloth around her waist. Unlike her friend, she was wearing a black skirt and a blue shoulder-high blouse which stuck to her slender, brownish figure.

“What took you so long?”

“If I tell you, you will definitely be angry with me,”

“If it’s something reasonable, I won’t get angry.”

“I was held down by the story book I borrowed from you; DRUMMER BOY. It’s such an intriguing story.”

“For that reason; I am collecting my book today,” Yetunde said playfully, “you only use your own money to buy chewing gum. You don’t buy story books. My English Teacher advised me to keep reading story books to further develop my vocabulary.”

“What is the meaning of that big ‘oyinbo’,” Temi asked rather humorously.

“Don’t tell me you’ve never heard about the word VOCABULARY. What have you been learning in your school since all this while? Ehn? ‘Olodo’ girl like you in SS1.”

“Look at what I have been doing,” Temi passed her basin from her left hand to her right and posed, curving her wrist to arch her palm, “ ‘asko oo!’ If I don’t know the meaning of ‘vocabulary’ I would rather go back to my primary school. Jokes apart, I am really learning new words, and most importantly morals. I will start saving my money for story books too.”

“Na you sabi o,” Yetunde teased, “if you like, keep buying sweets and chewing gum.”

The two friends laughed heartily. They talked about so many things – about the way they used to play with mud by the stream, building a so-called bird’s house with wet sand along with all those boys who had now become grown-ups. Temi told Yetunde about one of their friends who happened to be the first girl amongst their peers who developed big Bosom s. She used to mock her mates, especially Yetunde and Temi as ‘Olosan wewe’ – unripe-orange-Bosom ed-girls. Now Yetunde and Temi were proud of their once little Bosom s that had finally become ripe, natural oranges. The girl was now under medical check-up for swollen Bosom  and cardiac problem due to unnatural Bosom s. She had confessed how she had gone to put ‘guluso’, ground beetle, on her nipples so as to become busty to attract bigger boys at early teenage. That was the current news in the town.

“All those bigger boys had heard about it too,” Temi concluded triumphantly, “she will be humiliated if she ever recovers from that disease.”

“I don’t know why she was so in haste to become a big girl,” Yetunde mocked, “Does she think that becoming a ‘big girl’ is all about carrying big Bosom  around?”

“Don’t mind her,” remarked Temi, “my Mum once told me that fake big girls and boys only care much more about their appearance rather than their brain. She said being GREAT is being BIG. During her youthful age around 50’s, she said big boys and girls of their time were recognized for their intelligence. She made mention of some great men we have in our country. People like Chinua Ache… I can’t remember that surname.”

“It must be Achebe – the author of ‘Things fall apart’.”

“Yes … Chinua Achebe.” Temi affirmed and continued, “Wole Soyinka, Dr. Nnamdi Azikwe among others. She said they must be big boys of their youth, and I agreed with her. I have once told you that Mum used to stay in Ibadan. She had moved down to Abeokuta after meeting Dad. Mum attended the same university as Professor Wole Soyinka in Ibadan …“

“Really?” Yetunde interrupted.

“Yes,” Temi continued, “I never knew too until the day she told me. Mr. Soyinka started schooling abroad after the scholarship he won in 1952. To cut the long story short; ever Since Mum told me about the secret of being a big boy or girl; I have always wanted to be a big girl with big brain by all means.”

“And me too! I will try my best to become a renowned broadcaster.”

Temi said that her own dream too was to work on radio or television station so as to be famous.
12  Forum / Naijapals Base (Metro life) / what should i do Error Call on: 30-11-2013 03:05PM
Error Call


I looked at the number one more time as I clicked on the send button, watching the screen on my phone as the call connected.

Strange things sure do happen, I echoed to myself. I just couldn’t believe that the same ‘chick’ who wouldn’t give a hoot about me just wouldn’t stop laughing and telling me how funny she thinks I was or rather ‘Jide’ was.

I know you’re probably asking yourself, ‘what the f…is he talking about?’

I’ll tell you the story…

My name’s Frank and I ‘m talking about a friend in church who I recently began to take a more solid interest in, somehow it just didn’t click as she went from friendly to cold when we had a little misunderstanding…(wouldn’t want to bore you with all the details) but I think frankly, she considered me a bit boring.

Alone by myself one Friday evening…I had one of my numerous naughty ideas and before I could think it through I had dialed the number.

‘Hello, em.. What’s up, it’s Jide,’ I muttered into the receiver.

‘Yes?’ Isoken replied

I could sense caution in her voice…after what seemed like a moment of blurps, the difficult part was over. I had convinced her that it was an error call and somehow had begun a conversation as Jide.

She didn’t recognize my voice and believe me, it was fun. I carved out a new personality as Jide and she was buying all of it. ‘Kiss me,’ I said only a week later.

‘Kiss you?’ she replied giggling, ‘how do I do that?’ she asked.

‘Just send it down I’ll get it,’ I whispered sounding as mushy as I could.

Mwah! I heard the smack of her lips on the other end.

‘What are you wearing?’ I asked in as much of a whisper as I could.

‘Why do you want to know?’ she replied a bit coarsely.

‘Sorry,’ I said hitting a rebound. ‘I was just trying to paint a picture of you on the canvas of my mind.’



‘Em…I’m in my night clothes,’ she cooed

‘Hmmm…you bringing sexy back…’ I hummed a line of Timberlake’s hit.

All I could hear from the other end was some stifled giggles.

‘Care to dance?’ I asked still flirting

‘How would you do that?’ she replied

‘Trust me my lady,’ I replied, putting on my charms.


The game went on and on into the recesses of the night, and all the while I could tell she was falling for this unknown Prince who was living in a city different from hers.

As Frank I stopped calling Isoken on the phone as it had come to a point where she could decipher Jide’s voice on the phone. It would not take so much brain to tell it was the same voice speaking.

‘Jide, don’t tell me you’re not coming to Lagos for my birthday,’ she queried

‘Em…seriously I would love to but the truth is, that is the period when ‘busy’ begins in my office.’

‘Do you realize we’ve not seen ourselves?’ she asked

‘Hmm,’ I grunted in reply

‘And you’re so okay with that?’ she probed further

‘It’s not like that sweet but the truth is…’

‘The truth Jide is that, you’re coming down for my birthday or you cease to call my number.’ She said with a note of finality clearly registered in her voice.

‘Yes ma’am,’ I replied

‘That’s your business sir,’ she replied sarcastically

‘Baby, what is this?’ I asked, feigning surprise at her outburst. ‘This is a little misunderstanding we can solve’.

There was that familiar silence and then I buckled…’okay I’m coming down’

‘Even if you don’t come…,’ she said still showing her displeasure at what she called my ‘shakara’.

Her birthday is next week and here I am with thoughts whizzing past the corners of my mind in supersonic speed…different thoughts that is.

Watching her display pieces of our discussion on her Facebook page and openly declare that she’s in love amazes me. Yes, she’s so bold cos’ she doesn’t think Jide has access to her Facebook wall. And hearing her anxiously expect someone she has not seen so excitedly is fun. The real fun to me however is that she doesn’t even know Jide is close-by watching how she’s squealing around on her page about how she’s found love.

Now I’m like what do I do?

She likes me as Jide, which is obvious but she can’t stand me as Frank…at least that’s what she displays, but her Jide is hid in my Frank. And for Jide to be on that date next week he has to go in Frank’s body but wait a minute before you go telling yourself that I’m a two faced punk, did I tell you that Frank knows Isoken as the ‘Holy sister Isoken’ while Jide knows Isoken as a naughty adventurous chick?…meaning Isoken too is somewhat of a two faced b…

Folks talk to your boy, what should I do?