Emeka walked into class every morning with a black eye
Teacher:whats wrong?
Emeka : our house is very small.Me,my mom,my dad,sleep on the same bed.Every night my dad asks, 'Emeka are you sleeping? Then I say No and then he slaps my face and gives me a Black eye"
teacher:tonight when your dad asks again,keep dead quiet and dont answer
The following morning Emeka comes back with a severe black eye again.
Teacher:My goodness why the black eye again?
Emeka -Dad asked me again,emeka are you sleeping?and I shut up and kept dead still.Then my dad and my mom started moving,u know,at the same time Mom was breathing erratically,kicking her legs up frantically and squealing like a hyena on the bed.Then my dad asks my mom,are you coming?mom says,Yes am coming,are you coming too? Dad answered-Yes.they don't usually go anywhere without me so I said,wait for me,I'm also coming,

A gang of robbers broke into a club full of Ibo men by mistake. The Ibo men gave them a fight for their life and their money.
The gang was very happy to escape. "It ain't so bad," one crook noted. "We got #15,000.00 between us."
The boss screamed: "I warned you to stay clear of the Ibos, we had #50,000.00 when we broke in!"

An 18 year-old girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.
Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, ‘Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!’The girl picks up the phone and makes a call….
Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house; a mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit steps out of the Ferrari and enters the house.
He sits in the living room with the father, the mother and the girl and tells them: ‘Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. However, I can’t marry her because of my personal family situation but I’ll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life.Additionally, if a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa and a $1,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $2,000,000 bank account. If it is twins, a factory and $2,000,000 each.
However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?’ At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man’s shoulder and tells him, ‘You’ll sleep with her again!

An eccentric philosophy professor decided to give a one-question final year examination to his students
after a semester dealing with a vast array of topics. The class was already seated when the professor
picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board: “Using everything you have learned
this semester, prove that this chair does not exist.” Fingers set to work, examination booklets were filled
up in a furious fashion as students poured down ideas. Some students wrote 40 pages in two and half
hours with philosophical theories, postulates and authorities cited. A member of the class, however,
finished his paper in less than a minute and submitted to everybody’s astonishment. Weeks later when the
results were released, the rest of the class wondered how the boy could make the only “A” in the class of
180 when he had barely written anything at all. His answer consisted of two words: “What chair?”

Nawa ooo... Na Which kind badluck come be dis one
nah?
•
•
Fowl wey i thief yesterday say make i use am cook
stew 2moro just go comit suicide dis morning...

una no care at all

It was the first day of the session and a new direct entry student, Mensah, a Ghanaian, joined the class in one of Nigeria's universities.
The Lecturer said, "let's begin by reviewing some Nigeria history."
The Lecturer asked who said, "I shall return to die in the land of my fathers?"
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Mensah, who had his hand up.
Mensah replied: "King Jaja of Opobo, 1875" "very good!" said lecturer.
Then she asked again, who said, "The land use act will feed the nation?"
Again, no response except from Mensah: " Obasanjo, 1976."
The Lecturer snapped at the class; "Class, you should be ashamed. Mensah, who is new to our Country, knows more about its' history than you do."
The Lecturer heard a loud whisper: "Ghana must go" "who said that?" she demanded, Mensah put his hand up, "Buhari 1984."
At that point, a student in the back scornfully said; "Hmmm, you think you are smart?" The Lecturer glared and asked; "All right! Now, who said that?" Again, Mensah said, "Babangida to Abiola, 1992"
Now furious, another student yelled; "Oh yeah! Eat this!" Mensah jumped out of his chair waving his hand and shouting to the Lecturer, "Indian mistress giving an apple to Abacha, 1992"
Now, with almost mob hyseria, someone said; "You little poo. If you say anything else, I'll kill you." Mensah frantically yelled at the at the top of his voice; "Chris Uba to Ngige, 2004!"
The Lecturer fainted, and as the class gathered around her on the floor, someone said; "Oh poo, we're in Big trouble now!" Mensah whispered; "Chimaroke Nnamani, Ayodele Fayose and Lucky Igbinedon 2007 "
Someone angrily said; "Dont answer him, he is a fool" Mensah smiled replied; "Obansanjo to IBB, 2011"

A man and a woman were busy sleeping on the same bed and so during the sleep the woman said in her dream hurry up use the window my husband has arrived.But the man heard this and woke up he ran out of the bed unclad and jumped the window in the process breaking his hands and lost a few teeth.But then he quickly came back to his sense that the woman he was sleeping with on the bed was his wife.

How To Attract Woman Attention
it is easy
JUST WALK MIDWAY ON A BUSY ROAD, THEN UNZIP AND BRING OUT UR JOYSTICK WHICH IS ERECT AND START MARCHING LEFT,RIGHT,LEFT,RIGHT,LEFT,RIGHT!(note that its only weed that can make me write this poo (shit)and the weed is working.lol)

 have been running around the street since morning to showcase my new drive.abeg make una come celebrate with me and one more thing,abeg una sabi anything wey i go fit neutralise the weed(igbo) wey i take cook rice since yesterday because the thing still dey affect my brain too much