Nollywood..nnewi chapter.

Guy, dt ws tyt , besydz d humour.,u jus told us ur gud at informal letters.

 

September 1, 2008
The Area Manager,
NEPA,
Lagos

Dear Sir,
COMPLAINT ABOUT YOUR SERVICES
I am writing to you with a deep sense of humility and gentleness. I consider this a great opportunity to communicate with an entity as awe-inspiring as yourself. Firstly, I bring greetings to you from residents of my area in Lagos .

As a dutiful citizen, I consider this letter as part of my civic responsibilities. Great countries comprise of citizens who are alive to their responsibilities. As a famous musician once said, "Ask not what your country can eat from you but what you can eat from your country."

I have benefited immensely from this country; therefore I have decided to give back.

I want to bring to your notice some strange occurrences which have been happening in my area. I want to sadly inform you that in the last 2 weeks, electricity has been stable. In other words, we sleep and wake up with electricity, we go to work and come back and electricity is still running. This is terribly new and I must add DANGEROUS development in the lives of residents of my area. This is something we are not used to. This is too much electricity for us to handle. In the first week of constant electricity, I started acting strangely. I ironed all my clothes because I didn't know when 'light' will be impounded on your orders. After 2 days, the 'light' was still there. Therefore, I proceeded to re-iron the ironed clothes. My fridge which had not seen '4 hours' of constant light for months suddenly started freezing. In order to enjoy the maximum effects of refrigeration, I have decided to be drinking 20 cups of cold water before I go to sleep. Once I finish a cup, I put the bottle back into the fridge. After 10 minutes, the water cools and I drink. I just don't know what to do. All the Ceiling fans in my house have been switched on alongside my AC. My deck is playing at a high level. My life is now in state of chaos because of constant 'light'. My TV and VCD player are complaining of high blood pressure, as they have been terribly overworked in the last few weeks. Half of my light bulbs have gone on strike to protest their resurrection from blissful death.

All the customers in the beer parlour beside my house are complaining that the beer is too cold and wants to destroy their teeth. Even the rats and cockroaches are complaining that human assailants find it easier to track and exterminate them under electric light than under candlelight.

With the above situation not abating, I decided to seek the reason behind this strange situation. This task was made easy for me when I realized that it was the work of saboteurs. Sabotage is the main reason for anything going wrong / right in our country. Our elections were sabotaged, our president's health is being sabotaged, Obama's chances of becoming the American President are being sabotaged by Nigerians. Therefore this constant 'light' is the handiwork of saboteurs within your work system. These disgruntled individuals are enemies of progress who want you miss your set targets. These enemies want you to score very low on your KPI assessment. I realized this fact when I stumbled on a document showing your Key Performance Indicators for every month. These are:

1. Explosive growth in the amount of Candle-lit dinners and balcony-bedrooms

2. Massive boom in the sales of Candles, torchlight's, generators, inverters and lanterns

3. Increased work place productivity due to Employees spending at least 16 hours at work because there is no light at home

4. Massive growth of Rock music fan clubs being aided by the endless sound of generators that are switched on overnight.

5. Volume of human blood being sucked by mosquitoes unchallenged by ceiling/standing fans

6. Incidence of heat rashes

7. Large Increase in naming ceremonies: When people have no light at home, what else do they do with their time other than *******?


Sir, I strongly feel that the above achievements will not be possible if we keep on having 'light'. The saboteurs in your workplace will make you look stupid and incapable in front of your bosses. The repercussions of this charade would be unbearable. This is why I am writing to you now. As a responsible citizen, if I do not volunteer this information, I know that I will be the one to suffer. The day you realize that I have been enjoying endless light for 2 weeks, you will pay me back with 2 black months. The end will be worse than the beginning, thereof. I am at a crossroad. This is a major dilemma. Should I keep quiet? No I won't. This is because Evil triumphs when Good Men keep silent. Your incompetent staffs have left the light switch on and gone to sleep. I know you will take back all that we have stolen from you but Please remember my house in the day of recompense.

Your humble servant


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u dey fear make ur gal frnd no find out d formula wey u dey carry lay am .

guy, u dey mumu 4 d nation..

Its a pirated gist bt it dznt dillute d humour.,cool.

Guy, u no try at all. dont u think u cud put ur tym 2 more judicious use rather than seek 2 b noticed in d wrong way..

Askin if one cn date a single parent is like tryin 2 cause ripples in a tea cup..single parents are ppl wit flesh & blood jus like any oda ppl around except dt in some cases ,dey tend 2b more mature in things of d mind...outside that, they're cool dates...believe me you.

I feel skin colour doznt realy mata..wot does is wot u feel now 4 her & hw u'd b able 2cope in case of future changes.,thats all.

I feel skin colour doznt realy mata..wot does is wot u feel now 4 her & hw u'd b able 2cope in case of future changes.,thats all.

U just look around,smile and assume d scenerio u find urself must have been d same one Chinua Achebe  found himself before he wrote d book THINGS FALL APART.otherwise u would fall apart and others would trample on u till till ur body parts are apart.

Starting a dating zone is a very cool idea and i'm in full support even though my opinion may not hold water considering d numba of member against it.bt one thing is definite,woteva package a person concieves is often prone to scrutiny which would finaly be accepted in d long run if it yields positive results.

i had always had my eyes on dis particular chick bt neva realy had d opportunity of chattin wit her(not dt i ws shy,jus dt d avenues wernt jus right).it now happened dt wen i eventually had d opportunity,i offered 2take her out which she initialy refused and finaly gave in afta much talk.we got 2 crunchies for my suggested sit-out,when we got in,i strolled 2d ATM 2make some withdrawal only 2 discover dt our driver whom popsy ordered 2 pay-in some money 4me hadnt sent a dime.,.out of thoughtlessness powered by anger,i exhausted d call units on d driver instd of callin a frnd 2 help me.while contemplatin what 2do,i discovred i ws sweatin profusely in d air conditioned toilet which i went in 2 think...finaly,i braced up 2d singular fact dt der ws nothìn 2do other than tell her d truth..i ascended d stairs only 2 discover dt she ws already eatin,b4 i could say a thing,she askd wot i'd like 2eat statin dt she didnt buy anythin 4mi cz she didnt kno wot i liked.my rep 4 burn like candle if no be GOD.

My happiest moments are those few times when i get 2 see my self more important than the product of a broken home that i realy am...i will die fightin tribalism.

Critically looking...I feel a frnd is one 2 whom we cn tell d good, d bad & d ugly...beyond ds, a frnd is also one with whom we share things ranging frm clothes to ideas (good or bad) to heart (feelings) maybe bed as we most often do. u may see me as a flirt afta dis bt u & i kno dt ur opinions abt me doznt realy matta except ur my frnd ,u may as well call me what u like,bt dis is my candid view of dis frndshp.