An old woman and an old man went into an hospital and asked to see the doctor. They said, doctor, we figured out something might be wrong with our sex life.

The doctor, puzzled, and listened to these old people, they continue, can you watch us for some couple of months and see the way we make love if you can see if anything is wrong? Could you also let us know what it would cost us for examination on each visit?

The doctor agreed and told them it would only cost £5 examination fee since he is not going to do anyhing other than to watch and write his report.

These old couple continued to come as agreed and the doctor would watch them while having sex, and they would pay £5 on each visit. After about 6  months, the doctor called them and said, I have watched you for  6 months now and nothing seemed wrong with the way you have sex.

The couple responded and said we both know nothing is wrong with us, but we found out that it is cheaper to have sex here than going to bread and brakefast where they are asking for £150 for each visit, so we decided to try our luck here!!!

... Commercials.
You can't believe a word they say.

... Computers.
Hard to figure out and never have enough memory.

... Curling Irons.
They're always hot, and they're always in your hair.

... Horoscopes.
They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.

... Lava Lamps.
Fun to look at, but not all that bright.

... Mascara.
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

Men are like.....Coffee.
The best ones are rich, warm, full-bodied, and can keep you up all night long.

Men are like.....Chocolate Bars.
Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.


Men are like.....Blenders.
You need one, but you're not quite sure why.


Men are like.....Coolers.
Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.


Men are like.....Copiers.
You need them for reproduction, but that's about it.


Men are like.....Curling irons.
They're always hot, and they're always in your hair.


Men are like.....Government bonds.
They take so long to mature.


Men are like.....High heels.
They're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.


Men are like.....Horoscopes.
They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.


Men are like.....Lava lamps.
Fun to look at, but not all that bright.


Men are like.....Laxatives.
They irritate the shit out of you.


Men are like.....Mascara.
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.


Men are like.....Mini skirts.
If you're not careful, they'll creep up on your butt.


Men are like.....Noodles.
They're always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.


Men are like.....Parking spots.
The good ones are already taken and the ones that are left are handicapped or extremely small.


Men are like.....Plungers.
They spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the bathroom.


Men are like.....Popcorn.
They satisfy you, but only for a little while.


Men are like.....Placemats.
They only show up when there's food on the table.


Men are like.....Snowstorms.
You never know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get or how long he will last.

APOLOGIES TO MY FELLOW MEN, BUT THE TRUTH MUST BE TOLD!!!!!

Men are like.....Used Cars.
Both are easy-to-get, cheap, and unreliable.


Men are like.....Vacations.
They never seem to be long enough.


Men are like.....Weather
Nothing can be done to change either one of them.

As year 2009 draws closer and closer, gold or silver I have none, but the only way to appreciate all my pals on naijapals is to give you what would spice up your love life throughout year 2009.

So in the spirit of this undying love for you, I have compiled this calendar for the new year, follow the prescriptions ias contained in the attachment very well, and you would be gald you did.

14_Inches_Long.

PLEASE NOTE:
The attachment cannot be attached here for security reason, so go to RELATIONSHIP/ROMANCE SECTION and browse under ADULT BOARD 18+ for the attachment.

In response to a job advert, an applicant sent in the aplication below. She did not qualify for the job but, the picture enclosed with the application won the job for her.

Deer Sir,

I waunt to apply for the secritary job what I saw in the paper. I can Type real quik wit one finggar and do sum a counting.

I think I am good on the phone and no I am a pepole person,  Pepole really seam to respond to me well.

I´m lookin for a Jobb as a secritary but it musent be to complicaited.

I no my spelling is not to good but find that I Offen can get a job thru my persinalety.  My salerery is open so we can discus wat you want to pay me and wat you think that I am werth,

I can start imeditely.  Thank you in advanse fore yore anser. .

hopifuly Yore best aplicant so farr.
 
 
Sinseerly,
 
Peggy May Starlings


PS : Because my resimay is a bit short - below is a pickture of me taken at my last jobb.
 

Please open this attachment and many of you would know why ladies watch football. Enjoy it.

[attachment deleted by admin]

George went on a vacation to the Middle East with his Family including his mother-in-law. During their vacation in Jerusalem George's Mother-in-law died.

With the death certificate in his hand, George went to the U.K Embassy to make arrangements to send the body back to the United Kingdom for a proper burial.

The Embassy told George that to send the body back to the United Kingdom
for burial is very, very expensive. It could cost him as much as £5,000.00.

The Embassy told him, in most cases the person responsible for the remains
normally decides to bury the body here in Jerusalem. This would only cost
him £150.00.

George thinks for sometime and answers, "I don't care how much it will cost
to send the body back; that's what I want to do.

The Embassy says "You must have loved your Mother-in-law very well considering the difference in price."

"No, it's not that," says George.
 “You see, I know of a case many, many years ago of a man that was buried here
   in Jerusalem. On the third day he arose from the dead!”

   I just can't take that risk and chance! She may rise again !!!

There was this question and answer on the internet. The question was: WHAT DO MEN STILL WANT BETWEEN THE LEGS OF WOMEN HAVING LEFT THE PLACE SEVERAL YEARS AGO, THEY STILL WANT TO GO BACK THERE OVER AND OVER AGAIN?

There were lots of answers but only one person got it right and went home with price of the day. Here was the sohortest answer he gave.

Men like all other human beings suffer from nostalgia because there is no place like home, so they still like to visit home where the came from!!!!

There was a virgin who was going out on a date for the first time and
she told her grandmother about it.

Her grandmother says, "Sit here and let me tell you about those young
boys. "He is going to try to kiss you; you are going to like that, but
don't let him do that."

She continued, "He is going to try to feel your Bosom ; you are going
to like that, but don't let him do that. He is going to try to put his
hand between your legs; you are going to like that, but don't let him
do that.

Then the grandmother said, "But, most importantly, he is going to try
to get on top of you and have his way with you. You are going to like
that, but don't let him do that. It will disgrace your family."

With that bit of advice in mind, the granddaughter went on her date
and could not wait to tell her grandmother about it.

The next day she told her grandmother that her date went just as the
old lady said.

She said, "Grandmother, I didn't let him disgrace the family. When he
tried, I turned him over, got on top of him and disgraced his family."

I often wonder if ladies cares about the size of their guy's jonny? I hope there is olympic games for big thingy, I am sure I would take a gold medal, The picture you are about to see was taken when I was 6 months old, so imagine how it would have developed these years.

I have always liked and admired big ones, though mine is not as big as a white raddish, neither is it like a baby carrot, but big enough to make ladies scream like babies.

So ladies let us men know your contibutions about this. Is it big you prefer or small, long or short and why??

When I was in the secondary school, there was this guy who used to eat the left over of yesterday's pounded yam. Everyone knows it is like using valium 10. The person would sleep throughout the day. He used to sleep every morning in class.

During our biology class, we were being taught by our teacher about how plant and animal breaths. So Mr J, our class teacher having noticed that this guy slept throughout the lecture, then woke him up and asked him that if human breaths out carbon dioxide what would they breath in.

Without thinking twice, he answered CARBON DI INSIDE and the whole class bursted into laughter.

This one na grade A amy robber!!! Ya want male friend who no go dey TO SIBE, God forbid, no more in Idanre, the remaining one, esin longu, mumu.
You want dey collect and you not want make the bobo dey drop as well, You go find.
14_Inches_Long