Akpos’ wife was kidnapped one morning. He received a
message in the afternoon, which included a picture of his
wife gagged and tied up, asking him to pay a ransom of one
million naira if he ever wants to see his wife again.
Akpos replied the message, “You fool! My wife is fine at
work, so you can’t deceive me with a fake picture.”
When the kidnapper received his reply, he angrily cuts off
one of his wife’s fingers and sent it as a parcel to Akpos.
When Akpos got the parcel, he called the kidnapper on the
phone and said, “Idiot! This can be anybody’s finger, send
me her head instead!”

You cannot believe this, the rate at which some ladies are
loosing their pride and morals carelessly all because of
money these days are terrible.
It happened in one of the banks, that one of the ladies went behind the back of her colleague to corner the fat account of a businessman after giving the man her body.

Thesecond lady also gave her body to the man but the man stillgave his account to just one of them.
“Why did you go behind to take his account after I
took you there. You are mad. I will deal with you!
“The man no like you, na me him like. Is it my fault?
I gave him what he wanted and got the account!

Akpos’ elder brother, Tommy, traveled to London months
ago, leaving behind Akpos, their aged mom & their pet cat,
Kelly. Last week Tommy called from London to know how
they’re doing…
TOMMY: Hello brother how are you doing? how’s mom and
how is Kelly?
AKPOS: Kelly is Dead!
TOMMY(after a pause): Akpos, bad news is not revealed in
that manner. U should have started by saying something
like, “Kelly fell inside a well but neighbors are trying to rescue it”. Then when I call again U tell me, “Kelly broke it’s neck and is receiving treatment”. Then when I call again, U tell me they did their best but couldn’t save it. That’s how to break a bad news in a mature way. OK?
AKPOS: Ok bros, understood.
TOMMY: Ok, so how is Mom?
AKPOS: Bros, Mom fell inside a well, but neighbours are
trying to rescue her.
(Phone cuts).Tommy has been admitted in a private
hospital in London after going into coma.

Akpors was caught red handed by his principal writing “MAY
GOD PUNISH MY PRINCIPAL”
PRINCIPAL: What nonsense are you writing?
AKPORS: Sir, I have not finished writing it. PRINCIPAL:
[angry] What do you mean.
You are insulting me and you are telling me that you have
not finished?
AKPORS: This is not what I want to write.
PRINCIPAL: So what did you want to write?
AKPORS: I wanted to write “MAY GOD
PUNISH MY PRINCIPAL’S ENEMIES” pls one word

1. If you didn’t kill earthworm with salt.
2. If you didn’t play rubber band.
3. If you never bathed in the rain.
4. If you didn’t smell your friends buttock when someone
pollute air.
5. If you didn’t sleep on the bench and wake up on the
bed.
6. If u didn’t throw your milk tooth on the roof for the
lizards to take it and give you new ones.
7. If you didn’t just wash your hands and legs instead of
bathing when going to school.
8. If you didn’t act film in uncompleted building or under
bed with friends.
9. If you never flew a kite.
10. If you didn’t use your two legs to build houses with
sand.
11. If you didn’t write your name on paper and insert it into
your pen so that no one will steal it.
12. If you didn’t close the fridge door really slowly to see
when d lights went off.
13. If you never waved at white birds expecting your nails
to be whiter
14. If you never heard of a ghost that stays under mango
trees at nights
15. If you didn’t drive a single car Tyre with a stick and
called it your car!
16. If you didn’t mix garri & sugar in your pocket and eat
while walking in the street.
17. If you never did mama and papa play i.e. cooking grass
and sand without fire.
18. If you didn’t play table soccer with bottle cover, then I
guess your Childhood wasn’t fun!
Oya choose which one you did; but keep it rolling by adding
yoursss…….

Women by nature are pretendious. Men are always open
when it comes to love and by right, they should and they
are always the ones who go up to ladies to ‘propose’ and
declare their love for them. One thing men dont usually like
is the nature of ladies not being able to open up and reply
easily. They will always “think about it”. On the other
hand, women want men who truely loved them. Here are
signs the man truely loves you.
He always asks you before a plan
He doesn’t just venture out on his own without giving a
thought to what you feel. He always makes it a point to ask
you before making a plan, no matter how much it means to
him.
He values your time and efforts
He knows you have a busy schedule and somehow still
manage to take care of his needs. He will value it and never
just tell you to do things. Every once in a while he may even
help you around with your work without being asked to do
so.
Never forgets to make sure you’re okay
If he remembers your important dates and events and
things that bother you, and makes it a point to check you a
couple of times during the day then you know you’ve got
your special place in his heart.
He does things but doesn’t brag
If he often does huge favors along with tiny little everyday
ones but makes sure to never brag about it then it is
evident that it doesn’t even cross his mind. He’s happy
doing things for you as long as you’re happy.
Honesty is the word
He is always honest, no matter what. If he thinks you
should know about something then he will tell you no
matter what the outcome. It only goes out to show that he
values the relationship and wants to keep it pure.
It’s always ‘you first’ for him
He doesn’t make decisions that suit him alone. He makes
sure to think of you before jumping into anything.
Sometimes he may even do things as per your liking even
though it’s not what he wants.
No grudges policy
He holds no grudges against you. Whatever the problem is,
he talks and sorts it out with you and doesn’t hold on to it
forever.
Rationality
He doesn’t get into stupid small issues with you. If and
when you do fight it is always on matters of importance. He
sees no point in spoiling the mood over tiny little things.

Akpors and his wife were
having some problems at
home and were giving each
other the silent treatment.
The next week Akpors realized
that he would need his wife to
wake him at 5.30 am for an
early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to
break the silence out of pride,
he wrote a small note on a
piece of paper for his wife
which read: “Please wake me
at 5.00 am.”
The next morning he woke up only to discover it was
9.00am and he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn’t
woken him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed
dropped by his wife, it said “Oga It is 5.00am; wake up
oh.”
Akpors fainted!

Do you know that there are some witches and wizards in
your village who do not want you progress? To backfire
them with THUNDER, send THUNDER FIRE THEM to 39280.
SMS costs N100 per THUNDER.
If MTN asks you to play a game and win a House, run ooo
because that type of house one day when you come home
and put your key to open one of the room, the next thing
you will hear is… “the room you are trying to enter is
currently not available, please try again latter.”
One day, you will receive a message that will tell you “to
stop mosquito bites, send Mosquito to 131” Cost N50 per
mosquito – wow!
Let’s wait and see because soon, to win election, you only
need to send ELECTION to 419 and if you want to lose,
send NO ELECTION to 588, cost, N1000 per loss
I advise you, after reading MTN advert, check your account
balance because I no trust those people.
If na MTN get Facebook, they will tell us, to post on this
group, send POST to AKPORS, SMS costs N100 per post and
so on
………………ADD YOURS…………

Gawking at other girls
When boys just go on staring at other girls “harmlessly”
while being with their girlfriends it is the most annoying
thing that they do. Sure, girlfriends can be open and chilled
out too and enjoy checking other out with you but not
every single girl! Guys must stop this!
Forgetting to call back
Girls are known to wait for pending calls especially those,
when they are asked to wait. And boys, are known to forget
to call back. It often happens when the girlfriend calls and
the boyfriend is busy but he says he’s gonna call back but
never does. Boys must take note that this is not cool.
Shopping crier
Girls love shopping. Every once in a while they’d love for
their boyfriends to accompany them. But that seldom
happens. This is one of the habits that every girlfriend will
be able to associate with. Boys must at least try to tag along
sometimes just for the sake of their girlfriend’s happiness.
Superiority Complex
Sure, you earn more. Sure, you’re physically stronger. But
no, that does not make you superior. We live in a world
where equality is a matter of huge importance. So it would
be lovely to see some of that in the relationship too.
Way too many girlfriends
It’s good that you’re popular and have a lot of female fan
following but really hanging out with them all the time is
also not cool. Your girlfriend needs to feel that she’s the
one only in your heart.

I see..Lols...na d way oo,,Na ''mama put food'' da hold bele wella...no dullin..very soon this chinese pple go start to marry our women...Naija go cum bcum halve chinese,halve Nigeria..issokay.

Akpos gained admission
into MIT to study Telecoms.
There he became friends
with an American and a
Japanese. One day they
were having TEA together
and trying to impress each
other that there country is
moving forward faster than
others.
 Suddenly the American
started talking with
someone, the Japanaese and Akpos were surprised who he
was talking to, as there was no one else there other than
the 3 of them.
 The American said , OHHH its BLUETOOTH in my ear and I
had a call that I am replying. The Japanese and Akpos were
impressed….
 Then a few minutes later, the Japanese said I got to go, I
just received an email via my Internet Wrist Watch that I
had to meet someone. The American and Akpos were
impressed…
 Now suddenly, not to feel intimidated, Akpos stood up and
rushes towards the men’s room,there he picks up the tissue paper and puts half of it in his ear and left the other Half hanging out, then he went back to the American and
Japanese. When they saw the tissue paper hanging out of
his ear, they asked him “Akpos what is the meaning of this,
what is coming out of your ear man”??
Calmly Akpos starts pulling the tissue paper out of his ear
and said OH.. ITS Nothing… JUST A FAX COMING FROM MY
PEEPS BACK AT HOME, the American and the Japanese were Amazed!
 Wat do u think abt akpos?

My wife, everyone has gone
home. The music is quiet, the
celebration is over. Our
wedding was beautiful but it is
now in the past. We have
finished the wedding/marriage,
it is now time to build our
marriage. All that is left now is
the two of us… What we will
become tomorrow, starts from tonight. Our life is no longer
the same.There was a day you put on one red dress… You
looked so beautiful in it.
That Day I …wanted to just touch you! We were in the
Cinema and I was so tempted. I wanted to just take you
inside the toilet and kiss you but I couldn’t. Guess what?
Now I have you forever, I can do that everyday.
Before I take off your cloth and make love to you… let me
tell you few things.
I have nothing to hide from you from this day. My phone,
you can use it like your own. You can access my facebook,
my twitter and my Instagram
From today, I have become a child. For the past five years
of my life, I have been a man. I wake myself up in the
morning, sometimes I go to bed hungry, I do things the way
I want to. I come home whenever I want to but all that ends
today. From today you become my mother, who will scold
me when I come home late, a mother who will wake me up
at six to go work, a mother who will ensure I don’t sleep
hungry. I am glad I have a mother in you.
I hope you will be a good mother? Don’t be too harsh and
I promise I won’t be too stubborn. Sometimes I will give
you headache but I promise, I will also be the cure of every
headache.
When my parents died, I looked after my brothers and
sisters. I was like a father to them. So i will not have
problem being a father to you.

I see..Y always Lagos..Nawaao 4 sumpple ooo,if u wnt fight,,must u use bottle,,..'''RIP issokay

Two little boys stole a big bag of oranges from a neighbor &
decided to go to a calm place to share the lot equally.
One of them suggested the nearby cemetery.
As they were jumping the big gate to enter the cemetery,
two oranges fell out of the big bag but they didn’t bother to
pick them since they had enough in the bag.
Few minutes later, a drunkard on his way from a bar,
passed near the cemetery gate & heard a voice saying:
“One For Me, One For U, One For Me, One For U”…..
He immediately sobered up & ran as fast as he could to a
church nearby, for the priest…………………..
“Father, pls come with me . Come & witness God & satan
sharing corpse at the cemetery”……
They both ran back to the cemetery gate & the voice
continued: “One For Me, One For U, One For Me, One For
U’…………
Suddenly, the voice stopped counting & said:
“What About The Two At The Gate?”………..
Come see marathon race!………
The priest almost ran pass the church gate..shouting: “We
Are Not Dead Yet oohh!!!”.
…. Now U’re laughing… abi.

Ahahahahha..Chai...Don mind dem sir...do ur advert ooo...you send man pickin..as far as your daughter go get man marry..dats all...(Isaiah 4:1 In that day seven women will take hold of one
man) lols...issokay

I see...Wow..is possible..things lyk this often happen...Noting is impossible .....issokay

Let’s play this game called
Foolish Question and Foolish Answer just for fun…
You will ask a foolish question and the next person will
reply you with a foolish answer.
Example:
Me: Shey na BUHARI be the New president of Nigeria
You: No na Timaya =))
You: Is Facebook a social network?
Me: No, a toilet network
And so on, and so forth.
So let’s keep the fun rolling.

I have seen countless number of
naija spinsters visit many prayer
houses to seek spiritual guide and
advice just to be a mrs and while so
many will quickly come out to say
they are unperturbed,the truth is
that deep inside of them they hope
that they just find the “right man”
fast enough and start raising a
family before reaching their
menopause age.
Many ladies do not need prayer and
fasting and in most cases,there is no
spiritual attack from anywhere but these ladies are their
own pitfalls and the simple truth is that 90% of unmarried
ladies in their late 20s and 30s have no business still
remaining single.
Considering the present global socio economy siituations
expecially in a country like ours,here are 5 very vital
questions to ask yourself as a lady and the more you give a
NO to each of these 5 questions the harder it may be for
you to get a man to marry you.
1.Can you start a life with a man in one room ?:
Many ladies have boyfriends who live in this type of
apartment and infact they have spent some nights with him
in that same one room apartment and the guy has lost
count of how many times he has scr*wd you in any
imaginable ways but when it comes to marriage you will
foolishly say you can’t marry into one room apartment.
Sorry is your second name and i strongly pity you. Most
men who own mansions today started their lives in one
room so if you are ok being scr*wd in one room but you
can not marry same man living in one room then you are
not only clueless but foolish and be ready to be dumped
after he has really had you to his fullness.
2.Can you marry a struggling man who has no regular
job?:
Oh i can imagine some ladies answering LAI! LAI!,MBA
NUNU! GOD FORBID and so on to this particular question
but please let me ask you”why date a struggling guy or
allow him srw you at will yet cant marry him?” strange and
foolish i must say.
It is important to know that as long as that man is not
lazy,his break through will come and must come.How many
ladies have given up an affair because they feel the guy has
no job just to realize a year latter that he is gainfully
employed or he has started a profitable business and they
start feeling bad for not being patient enough.Ok what is
even the guaranty that the ones who have good jobs or
business can not experience a crazy turn around? many
ladies have lost their chance with a vibrant vision driven
man just because they are waiting to say yes to a man who
has a job rather than for them to also find something doing
that will make them financially independent while the guy
has enough space to pursue his dreams.Believe it or not
95% of the rich or successful guys you see today have
passed through a struggling phase.
3.Can you have a very low budget wedding?:
Now i want every reasonable lady reading this to
understand that marital union and marriage ceremony are
2 different things.
Most times when you hear words like “my guy is not ready
yet for marriage” what this simply implies is that the guy is
NOT READY FOR A BIG MARRIAGE CEREMONY and not
that he is not mentally,psychologically and emotionally
ready but because our young ladies are overwhelmed with
that one day celebration,they will never ever plan any
wedding with a man who does not have the money to give
them a flamboyant wedding and this is one major reasons
why many ladies remain single for a very long time.Have
you looked around to see many graduates still struggling in
their 30s with no assurance that a job or business will come
up tomorrow? Are you among the myopic ladies who get
carried away by a flamboyant wedding ceremony rich
parents organize for their children?
Who says you can’t have a marriage ceremony with
N50,000 budget where a man pays the bride price and
proceed to the registry with you and when the money starts
coming in you two can do another big time wedding
ceremony so why put yourself in bondage of having a
compulsory big time wedding before you can be a mrs?
Why are you giving that guy a good reason to continue
using you,saying he is not ready for marriage ceremony but
doing all the imaginable things a man will do to a wife on
you.For my igbo sisters i will advice you to appeal to the
elders at home to understand that the fact that few of you
are lucky to have a guy pay so much or spend so much on a
marriage ceremony against all odds does not erase the fact
that countless number of Igbo girls are been courted but
not married in a timely manner due to the high expenses
involved.
4.Can you marry a man who loves you but is not your
preferred spec?:
Yes there is nothing absolutely wrong in having a picture of
who you want and while some ladies are very fortunate to
find such,many have lived in a fantasy world hoping to
meet that man who has those qualities they dream of just
to wait and wait until they become old waiting for an “ideal
man”
In marriage there is nothing like a bad or good choice
neither do we have an ideal or non ideal man but its about
your choice.Many ladies want a tall,cute,rich.GOD
fearing,romantic guy and its so amazing how some ladies
will never shift ground and when that short caring and
loving guy comes their way they hush him and start running
after a prince charming that feels nada for them,what a
shame.Stop having this myopic belief that there is an ideal
man out there,no man has it all and all you need to look
out for is a man who truly desires and deserves you. If you
like keep waiting and screening until you become the object
of screening yourself. Be wise.
5.Can you marry a man with a wide age gap to you:
This is one of the most dangerous mistakes many ladies
make. For crying out loud, except a lady just wants to play
around,i do not see why a teenage girl will be dating a
fellow teenager or a lady in her early twenties will be dating
a guy of just a year or two older than her because when
she eventually becomes ripe for marriage, in most cases
this guy is still jumping around and fulfilling his segxwal
fantasies.
Yes age is nothing but a number but in most cases, ladies
who date or court guys with wide age gaps like 8years or
more tend to end up as a wife to the guy while most ladies
who at their young ages started an affair with guys of close
age proximity are usually left heart broken latter in life
because most guys in the 20s are probably still playing
around and not even psychologically ready for marital
union.So when i hear a 23 year old lady telling a guy in his
30s that he is too old for her i just laugh at her ignorance. If you are a teenager reading this or a lady in your early
twenties,i will advice that except you just want to play
around,you should date or court guys with wide age gap to
avoid had i known. YES THERE ARE EXCEPTIONS to this but
most times my assertion holds true.
Lol, not actually as it appears, but hope this
write up make sense?

Some guys are not actually fully loaded this december and
hence are confused about what to give to their girl friend
this december.
This caused some to think of breaking up with their girl
friends at least this december periods. This method that we
are going to learn now is FUNNY and also applied during
valentine day.
There are two methods, you can write a letter writter
by the National Association of Boy Friends to National
Association of Girl Friends. or tell your girl any of
these;
1.16 Missed Calls? You Killed My Battery so you’re Capable
of Killing Me… It’s Over!!!
2.You don’t even respect me. I’m talking and you are busy
breathing? It’s over!
3.I called you and you picked up immediately. You lack
patience. It’s over!!
4. I told u I love my food hot but you refused to warm the
ice cream. You don’t care about me. It’s over!
5.I gave u 2 eggs, to boil one and fry the other. You fried
the one you were supposed to boil and boiled the one you
were supposed to fry. You are not obedient, It’s over!
6.I call u DARLING and you called me HONEY. Indirectly,
you’re calling my mother a BEE. No respect for in- laws,
pack your bags. its over!

Oga: Akpos
Akpos: Oga
OGA: who drank my pasties?
No answer!
OGA: Akpos, who drank my pasties?.…
No answer. Oga walked to the kitchen and saw Akpos there.
OGA: Are you insane or what?. Why when i call, you say
“Oga” but when i ask you a question you don’t answer me.
Akpos: Oga when you are in the kitchen you don’t
understand anything, except your name.
OGA: Is that so?. Okay go to the parlour, stand beside
madam and ask me a question while i stand here. Akpos
went and did what oga said.
Akpos: Ogaaaa
OGA: Yes Akpos
Akpos: Who goes into the maid’s bedroom when madam is
not at home?. No answer.
Akpos: Ogaaaaaa!!! You dey hear me, I say who dey sneak
enter the house girl room when madam no dey house.
No answer. Oga runs out of the kitchen.
OGA: Wonders shall never end. Akpos, it is true o, when
one is in the kitchen, one does not hear anything, except
one’s name.
MADAM: That’s not true. It’s a lie.
Akpos: Madam, do you want to be tested?
MADAM: Yes
Akpos: Oya enter the kitchen
She enters.
Akpos: Madam
MADAM: Yes Akpos
Akpos: Who is Junior’s biological Father? Me or Oga Madam
rushed out of the kitchen
MADAM: This kitchen needs to be
fumigated o, I can’t understand anything at all except my name