The greatest horror for every Nigerian child is not darkness, it is that blinding light before the sharp pain.

http://partyjollof.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/Igbati.gif

These are the signs that shit is about to go down.

 1. When your mother calls your full name.



Oh Lord!

2. When your mum would normally speak English but she switches to your local language.



Local language. Local violence.

3. When your father greets you welcome with a glowing smile.



4. When your father just got back from work and he starts looking for his belt.



5. When your teacher is complaining about your unseriousness but your mum is just doing the Jega.


When we get home, we shall see.

6. When your mother goes to bed early after you’ve offended her.

See you in the midnight when I come to wake you up with belt.

7. When they start to ask you impossible questions.

Did you chop shit?

8. When your mother is shouting at you and she starts breathing heavily.

Go and bring my cane.

9. When you and your mum are joking and she just smiles at you and says “You’ve grown wings abi?”


10. In the middle of Afmag Yoruba, she suddenly mutes the TV and looks at you like this

Oya, tell me what you did. I’m listening.

11. When your parents are arguing and you suddenly hear them screaming your name.

When the elephants fight.

12. When your mother used her last money to cook soup and the morning after, it is already sour.

Mummy its nor me.

13. When your dad says “Tell me the truth, I won’t beat you.”

Say the truth and it shall phyuk you up.

  you can add yours at the comment section

The 14th of February is a big deal, packed with many stories that run the gamut from proposals to breakups. These photos tell an interesting Valentine story.

 

1. When it is the 12th of February and your bae hasn’t said anything about your valentine date.



2. When your man tries to pick up a fight with you before Valentine.



You muzzbe joking.

3. Then it’s the 13th and one girl tries to snatch your boo.



Karishika fall and die!

Continue reading here http://trendope.com/2016/02/these-11-photos-tell-a-hilarious-nigerian-valentine-story/

The 14th of February is a big deal, packed with many stories that run the gamut from proposals to breakups. These photos tell an interesting Valentine story.

 

1. When it is the 12th of February and your bae hasn’t said anything about your valentine date.



2. When your man tries to pick up a fight with you before Valentine.



You muzzbe joking.

3. Then it’s the 13th and one girl tries to snatch your boo.



Karishika fall and die!

Continue reading here http://trendope.com/2016/02/these-11-photos-tell-a-hilarious-nigerian-valentine-story/

Friday evenings should be great, but this one is extra boring. Your guys are out of town. Your babe said she’s going for night vigil, and you’re just there, home alone.



Then you receive a call from one woman you’ve been ignoring since. You really are not in the mood but you still try to respect yourself.

“I’m bored, and my body is doing me one kain,” she says in that voice you know means ‘gerrovahia’.

“Okay, go and play with your husband now” you say.

And then she says, “My husband has travelled”.




Your husband has what?’



Five minutes later, she calls to ask where you are.g



Continue reading here ---- http://trendope.com/2016/02/nigerian-horror-story-nightmare-on-magun-street/

Friday evenings should be great, but this one is extra boring. Your guys are out of town. Your babe said she’s going for night vigil, and you’re just there, home alone.



Then you receive a call from one woman you’ve been ignoring since. You really are not in the mood but you still try to respect yourself.

“I’m bored, and my body is doing me one kain,” she says in that voice you know means ‘gerrovahia’.

“Okay, go and play with your husband now” you say.

And then she says, “My husband has travelled”.




Your husband has what?’



Five minutes later, she calls to ask where you are.g



Continue reading here ---- http://trendope.com/2016/02/nigerian-horror-story-nightmare-on-magun-street/

Friday evenings should be great, but this one is extra boring. Your guys are out of town. Your babe said she’s going for night vigil, and you’re just there, home alone.



Then you receive a call from one woman you’ve been ignoring since. You really are not in the mood but you still try to respect yourself.

“I’m bored, and my body is doing me one kain,” she says in that voice you know means ‘gerrovahia’.

“Okay, go and play with your husband now” you say.

And then she says, “My husband has travelled”.




Your husband has what?’



Five minutes later, she calls to ask where you are.g



Continue reading here ---- http://trendope.com/2016/02/nigerian-horror-story-nightmare-on-magun-street/

Getting your period is literally the worst 5/6 (even 7 sometimes) days of your month, and even though it brings with it the good news that you are not going to be a mummy yet (for single ladies), the cramps and unending flow of blood make you wish you were actually pregnant sometimes.

This post was supposed to be only about all the reasons getting your period isn’t actually all that bad, but instead we came up with even more reasons to hate that time of the month.


When you think your period is finally over, and then the day after your last day it pops back up like.




Or when it comes twice in one month (lay off the morning after pills sis.)


When the pain level of your cramps goes up a notch or two, and it’s not even the weekend so you can’t lay curled up in bed all day.



So here’s a little fun fact about period cramps that actually helps. Taking pain killers before your period starts actually decreases your cramping, and if they are rather severe and you are segxwally active, some hormonal birth control pills actually reduce the pain. Remember not to buy birth control pills over the counter without consulting your doctor.

Continue reading here http://trendope.com/2016/02/we-have-some-good-and-bad-news-about-periods/

Getting your period is literally the worst 5/6 (even 7 sometimes) days of your month, and even though it brings with it the good news that you are not going to be a mummy yet (for single ladies), the cramps and unending flow of blood make you wish you were actually pregnant sometimes.

This post was supposed to be only about all the reasons getting your period isn’t actually all that bad, but instead we came up with even more reasons to hate that time of the month.


When you think your period is finally over, and then the day after your last day it pops back up like.




Or when it comes twice in one month (lay off the morning after pills sis.)


When the pain level of your cramps goes up a notch or two, and it’s not even the weekend so you can’t lay curled up in bed all day.



So here’s a little fun fact about period cramps that actually helps. Taking pain killers before your period starts actually decreases your cramping, and if they are rather severe and you are segxwally active, some hormonal birth control pills actually reduce the pain. Remember not to buy birth control pills over the counter without consulting your doctor.

Continue reading here http://trendope.com/2016/02/we-have-some-good-and-bad-news-about-periods/

Football was everything for many Nigerian kids and if you loved playing, you can relate to these photos.

1. When the owner of the ball is losing and decides to take his ball home.




 
Diarris God.

2. When you notice the girls are watching and the inner Maradona comes alive.




 

This is the day that the lord has made.

3. There was always the one kid whose job it was to jump into people’s compounds and pick the ball.




Continue reading here http://trendope.com/2016/02/14-photos-you-will-definitely-relate-to-if-you-played-football-as-a-kid/

Football was everything for many Nigerian kids and if you loved playing, you can relate to these photos.

1. When the owner of the ball is losing and decides to take his ball home.




 
Diarris God.

2. When you notice the girls are watching and the inner Maradona comes alive.




 

This is the day that the lord has made.

3. There was always the one kid whose job it was to jump into people’s compounds and pick the ball.




Continue reading here http://trendope.com/2016/02/14-photos-you-will-definitely-relate-to-if-you-played-football-as-a-kid/

Nigerian restaurants are a special experience. If you ever ate in one, you’ve experienced all of them. These photos should feel familiar.

1. When you see the waiter arriving with what you ordered.


 
At last!

2. And then he just walks past you.


 
Who did I offend?


3. When you’ve waited 30 minutes for your order and then someone comes to ask, “what do you want to eat sir?”




Wait, what?

Continue reading here http://trendope.com/2016/02/11-struggles-you-can-relate-to-if-youve-ever-eaten-in-a-nigerian-restaurant/

Nigerian restaurants are a special experience. If you ever ate in one, you’ve experienced all of them. These photos should feel familiar.

1. When you see the waiter arriving with what you ordered.


 
At last!

2. And then he just walks past you.


 
Who did I offend?


3. When you’ve waited 30 minutes for your order and then someone comes to ask, “what do you want to eat sir?”




Wait, what?

Continue reading here http://trendope.com/2016/02/11-struggles-you-can-relate-to-if-youve-ever-eaten-in-a-nigerian-restaurant/

Nigerian restaurants are a special experience. If you ever ate in one, you’ve experienced all of them. These photos should feel familiar.

1. When you see the waiter arriving with what you ordered.


 
At last!

2. And then he just walks past you.


 
Who did I offend?


3. When you’ve waited 30 minutes for your order and then someone comes to ask, “what do you want to eat sir?”




Wait, what?

Continue reading here http://trendope.com/2016/02/11-struggles-you-can-relate-to-if-youve-ever-eaten-in-a-nigerian-restaurant/

The 2016 Lagos Marathon has come and gone, but we have an interesting story from the marathon to share.

Don’t touch that dial.


1. When you are just on your own and you hear that there’s going to be a Lagos marathon.


Oyaaa!

2. Finally, this is the chance to show yourself.


Momma said I arrived from Heaven. Muzzbe Superman.

3. Then you hear that the Kenyans are coming.


Ojoro.

4. But there’s also a cash prize for normal human beings.


Praise the Lord.

5. So you train hard everyday.


All I do is win win win!


6. And on the D-day, your blood is hot.


Ema dami duro o!

7. The race starts and you’re already at the front.


As per Usain Bolt.


8. But then you get to Ojota and start thinking about your life.


Who sent me? What was I thinking? These are the things I need to know.


9. Because the journey should be getting shorter, but its getting longer instead.

Is this magic?

10. And everywhere you turn, there are people fainting.


Muzzbe horror film.

11. You hear that some people have reached the finish line but you only just set sight on 3rd Mainland Bridge


Why me?

11. And then against all odds, you get to the finish line, but there’s nobody there.


Everybody has gone home.

12. You didn’t come first, but deep down you know you’re better than people who didn’t run but were laughing at people who did.


Guess who believes they can do anything now? Me.

13. Because now you know how good it makes you feel, and you’ll train every time, forever.



Better everyday.

The 2016 Lagos Marathon has come and gone, but we have an interesting story from the marathon to share.

Don’t touch that dial.


1. When you are just on your own and you hear that there’s going to be a Lagos marathon.



Oyaaa!

2. Finally, this is the chance to show yourself.



Momma said I arrived from Heaven. Muzzbe Superman.

3. Then you hear that the Kenyans are coming.




Continue reading here ---http://trendope.com/2016/02/these-13-photos-tell-a-funny-lagos-marathon-story/