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1  Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / The Gospel According To ''Saint Farouk'' on: 17-06-2012 05:45 PM
The Gospel According To ‘Saint’ Farouk
1) And it came to pass after these
things, on the first day of the first
month of the twelfth year after the
second millennium, that king Jona son
of Bele announced to the people saying; there is no money left in the royal treasury, and the future
of the kingdom
is in great danger. 2) Therefore, a measure of oil shall no
longer sell for three scores of silver and
seven, but shall now be seven scores of
silver and one. But the people grumbled aloud, and said unto another, what shall
it profit our king to gain all these oil money and lose his
throne? 3) For it is appointed unto him to reign
but once, and after this prison, for many
are the atrocities which he has
committed. 4) So they said unto the king, eat thou thy food in peace in the palace, and
surround thou thyself with thine
women, only touch not our oil price and
do thy people no harm. 5) But the king would not listen,
and
said unto himself, I know my people, they shall only grumble for a while and
soon they shall forget. 6) But the people would not forget,
for
the burden was too much for them to
bear, and they said; now unto him that
is able to increase the price of oil exceeding abundantly above all that his
people can bear or think, according to the greed which
worketh in him; 7) Unto him be curses in the streets by
the masses throughout all ages,
protests without end. So they took to the streets and
gave the land no peace, and there was no
going out or coming in throughout the
kingdom for two weeks, and the king
feared greatly and said to himself,
surely these people shall overturn me if I answer them not.
9) So he called the head of the labourers unto the palace, and gave him
bags of gold, that they might turn off
the wrath of the people against the
king. 10) So the king assembled the people
and said unto them; a measure of oil
shall no longer be seven scores of silver and one, but shall now be four scores of
silver, one dozen and one, to this your
leaders have agreed. Praise me now therefore for I am a
benevolent king. 11) And after all these, the
Loudspeaker of the House of People
said, let us inquire into the king’s claim that there be no money in the royal
treasury. So they appointed Farcrook,
son of Lawal. 12) And said unto him, gather ye now
all the oil sellers, that we may know
who stole from the kingdom. This did
him with diligence, and came back with his report saying 13) Thieves abound in the land, and so
have the oil sellers stole from the
people, and gave them not oil, this they
did with the help of Aliyaro the king’s
mistress; and the amount he mentioned
was unheard of in the land. 14) When the people heard this, they
were dismayed, and sorrow gripped
their hearts. 15) But the oil sellers went in unto the
king in his chamber, and said;
rememberest thou O king that the what
we stole did we made available to thy campaign, and by thus did we make you
king. 16) If thou deliver us unto the people
that they may punish us, we will hold
not our tongue to tell the people that
thou art one of us. 17) And they said unto him, how else
shall we destroy the message if not to destroy the messenger? Let us
therefore implicate Farcrook the son of
Lawal in this matter. 1 So they sent a certain rich man from
the West by the name Otedollar, and he
took Farcrook into his house and gave
him some money, that he may alter the report which he had set before the
people. 19) And it was that Otedollar went
before an assembly of the people and
said unto them, trust ye this man who
said we stole from the treasury? Surely
he is one of us, for he came unto me in the middle of the night, and he left with his pockets full of
money. 20) And the people where amazed, and
their hearts bled, for Farcrook was a
man in whom they had to their trust. 21) So Farcrook arose,
and said;
Otedollar is my briber, I did not request. He maketh me to sit down in his
Maitama house; he leadeth me beside
the chilled champagne. 22) He exploited me greed; he
leadeth
me in the paths of marked dollars for
subsidy’s sake. 23) Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of EFCC, I will fear
no arrest: for bribes are with me; my
loots and my kickbacks they comfort
me. 24) Thou preparest the dollars before
me, in the presence of the SSS: thou
anointest my mouth with wine; my pocket runneth over. 25) Surely the shame and reproach
shall
follow me all the days of my life, but I
will dwell in the house of PDP forever
and ever. 26) And the people wept, but there was
no one to console them.
2  Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / Senselee Omwami on: 30-05-2012 09:33 AM
Omwami bought a new mobile.
He sent a message to everyone from his
Phone Book & said,
'My Mobile No. Has changed. Earlier it was
Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610'
============ ========= ========= ======
Omwami: I am Proud, coz my son is in Medical
College .
Friend: Really, what is he studying.
Omwami: No, he is not studying, they are
Studying him. ============ ========= =========
========= ===
Omwami: ...Doctor, in my dreams, I play
football every night.
DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
Omwami : Can I take it tomorrow, tonight is the final game.
============ ========= =========
========= ====
Omwami : If I die, will u remarry?
Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die
will u remarry? Omwami : No, I'll also stay with your sister.
============ ========= =========
========= ==
Omwami : People consider me as a 'GOD'
Wife: How do you know??
Omwami : When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh GOD! U have come again..
============ ========= =========
========= ==
Omwami comes back 2 his car & find a note
saying 'Parking Fine'
He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole 'Thanks for the compliment.'
============ ========= =========
========= ======
How do you recognize Omwami in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the
book when the teacher erases the board. ============ ========= =========
========= ========
Once Omwami was walking he had a glove on
one hand and not on other.
So the man asked him why he did so. He
replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the
other hand it would be hot.
============ ========= =========
========= ========= ==
Omwami in a bar and his cellular phone rings.
He picks it up and Says 'Hello, how did you know I was here?'
============ ========= =========
========= ========= ===
Omwami : Why are all these people running?
Man - This is a race, the winner will get the
cup Omwami - If only the winner will get the cup,
why are others running?
============ ========= =========
========= ========= ===
Teacher: 'I killed a person' convert this
sentence into future tense Omwami : The future tense is 'u will go to jail'
============ ========= =========
========= ========= =====
Omwami told his servant: 'Go and water the
plants!'
Servant: 'It's already raining.' Omwami: 'So what? Take an umbrella and go.
3  Forum / Forum Games / lets play dix game again on: 1-05-2012 03:57 PM
Ma NaijaPals, lets play dis hilarious n interesting game again
called d last man-standing. Is playd dis way, u mk sentence
with sum1 last word. E.g my girlfrnd is so sexy. Sexy guys r
hot
4  Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / Re: WARRI RATS VS LAGOS AND PORTHACOURT RATS on: 15-04-2012 11:52 AM
i no fit laugh.
5  Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / Mother and son on: 4-04-2012 11:07 PM
A few days after Christmas, A mother was working
in the kitchen listening to her son playing with his
new electric train set in the living room. She heard
the train stop and her son yell "All you sons of
bitches who want to get off, get the hell off now,
because this is the last stop! All of you sons of bitches that are getting on, get your asses in the train
cause were leaving". The mother went in and told her
son, "we don't use that kind of language in this
house." Now I want you to go into your room for
two hours. When you come out, you can play with
your train, but I don't want to hear any bad language. Two hours later, the son comes out of his room and
continues playing with his train. Soon the train
stopped and the mother heard the son say, "All
passengers who are disembarking the train, please
remember to take all of your belongings with you.
We thank you for riding with us today and hope your ride was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride
with us again soon. For those of you who are just
boarding the train, we ask that you stow all of your
hand luggage under the seat, remember there is no
smoking except on the club car. We hope you have a
pleasant and relaxing journey with us today". "For those of you who are pissed off with the two
hour delay , please see the bitch in the kitchen."
6  Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / Magic pool on: 4-04-2012 10:38 PM
There were these three guys. They had been
walking for 3 days and were very tired. They
found a hotel, rented a room and went to sleep.
Then, this old guy comes in out of nowhere, and
says there is a magic pool just outside their hotel
room. He tells them "Ok, you must jump off the diving board, and yell out what you wanna land
in." So the three guys go over to the pool. The first guy,
a vegetarian, yells out "Bananas!" and lands in a
pool of bananas. The second guy was money
hungry and yelled out "Money!" and lands in a pile
of money. The third guy jumps, when a bird shits
on his head, and he yells "Oh Shit!"
7  Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / Caught Speeding on: 28-03-2012 02:07 PM
CAUGHT SPEEDING
A police officer stops a woman who was
over speeding
Woman: Any problem, Officer?
Officer: Madam, you were over speeding.
Woman:Oh, I see nothing wrong in that.
Officer: You say nothing wrong...Can I see your license please?
Woman: I would have given it to you but I
don't have.
Officer: you don't have a license?
Woman:I Lost it 4 times for due to drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Woman: I can not do that, it's not possible.
Officer: Why? Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: you stole it? Woman: Yes, and I killed the
owner and
hacked him up.
Officer: You what?
Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags that is in the trunk of this vehicle if you want to see.
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car, and calls for back up. Within a few minutes six police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his gun.
Officer 2: Madam, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman quietly steps out of her vehicle. Woman: Is there any problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Woman: Me!! Murdered a person, besides this car is mine? Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please... The woman
opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, madam?
Woman: Yes, I told you it's mine and here are the registration papers. The first officer is stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license. The woman goes back into her car and takes out her handbag and brought out a clutch purse, took out her driving license and hands it to the officer. The officer examines the license. He looks quite
puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you madam, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Woman: I'm very sure the the lying bastard told you I was speeding too.
8  Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / lets play a game on: 19-03-2012 07:04 AM
Creative youth, lets play dis hilarious n interesting game called d last man-standing. Is playd dis way, u mk sentence with sum1 last word. E.g my girlfrnd is so sexy. Sexy guys r hot
9  Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / Job Interview. on: 13-03-2012 05:54 AM
JOB INTERVIEW!
INTERVIEWER: Tell me the opposite of Good.
EJIRO: Bad.
INTERVIEWER: Come.
EJIRO: Go
INTERVIEWER: Ugly
EJIRO: Fine
INTERVIEWER: U're wrong!
EJIRO: U're right!
INTERVIEWER: Shut up!
EJIRO: Keep talking!
INTERVIEWER: Ok now stop all that.
EJIRO: Ok now carry on all that.
INTERVIEWER: Get out!
EJIRO: Come in!
INTERVIEWER: Oh my God. EJIRO: Oh my Devil.
INTERVIEWER: U're Rejected.
EJIRO: I'm selected.....
10  Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / Just joking on: 27-02-2012 05:01 AM
PHONE RINGS!!
Girl: Hello
Guy: My love how are u doing?
Girl: Am fine.
Guy: Will ΰ be less busy by weekend to come to my house.
Girl: I'm sorry I can't make it because I will be attending my aunty's wedding & d next day is ∂ Thanksgiving, I am so occupied.
Guy: I wanted to take u out for shopping to suprise ΰ with ∂ BB Porche & the Brazilian hair u've been asking for.
Girl: I will be coming & I may even spend d weekend if ΰ want my love.
Guy: What of d wedding?
Girl: Which wedding? I was just joking.
Guy: Me too.=))
11  Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / BB charger on: 20-02-2012 08:07 PM
A lady lost her BB & after some
days she decided to call her
number to see if somebody will
be honest enough to pick the call..
So she called her line & a deep
male voice answered.. "Hello! who am i talking to?".. & the lady
quickly replied.. "Its me!.. The
owner of the phone you are
holding"... The man replied.. "Ooh
it is u!.. I have been looking for
you ever since i picked the phone".. She replied again & said..
"You mean you've been looking
for me to give me back my
phone!.. Wooow!.. That's nice of
you... & the man replied..
"NOOOH!.. I have been looking for you so that i can collect the
charger from you cos the charger
too cost for market.
12  Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / pingging chat on: 18-02-2012 09:19 AM
PINGING CHAT
Charmer:::: Hello Sweet Girl
Sweetgal:::: Hi Lover Boy!
Charmer:::: Can I know you more please?
Sweetgal:::: 17, female, sweet lips,
bootylicious and Delicious, in Port Harcourt and you? Charmer:::: Mmmmmh, I am in love already. I’m 52, male, 6 pack, big Chest, Port Harcourt.
Sweetgal:::: You're 52? OMG! Serious . Same age as my dad.
Charmer:::: I’m just so into fresh young beautiful girls.
Sweetgal:::: Do you have a wife?
Charmer:::: Yes, but not as sexy as you, I have a daughter, she is in her bedroom with her friend doing homework. Sweetgal:::: Then why do you like young girls?
Charmer:::: I love them because they are beautiful not to mention sexy and with fresh bosoms and booty
Sweetgal:::: I am also into older men with iPhones, ipads, cash and driving expensive cars.
Charmer:::: I can offer all of that and even more. Sweetgal:::: I think we should meet because you are in Port harcourt and I am also here.
Charmer:::: That would be nice, where do I pick you up tomorrow with my new G- guard sexy girl?
Sweetgal:::: Tomorrow I am going to school it won’t be possible.
Charmer:::: Or maybe over the weekend, going to school is very important.
Sweetgal:::: While still chatting let me continue with my homework I don’t want my dad to know that i have a BB, he will be mad at me.
Charmer:::: Which homework is that? maybe I can assist you.
Sweetgal::::It's a Biology assignment and my friend Lucy is assisting me
Charmer:::: Hey, your friend’s name is Lucy?
Sweetgal:::: Yes.
Charmer:::: Exactly where in Port Harcourt are you?
Sweetgal:::: Woji and you?
Charmer:::: Mercy!!! is that you???
Sweetgal:::: Dad, is that you?
13  Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / Re: Jamie on: 12-11-2011 10:15 AM
lwkmd
14  Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / Re: Medical Terms! on: 8-06-2011 12:48 PM
not bad. Al of una wey say na remix do ur own mak we c.
15  Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / Face book on: 2-06-2011 01:16 PM
You= take a Book and smake a friend on the face
friend= what did u do that for?
You= i facebooked u.
16  Forum / Relationships & Romance / Re: why do gals like marking of territory? on: 2-06-2011 12:18 PM
GOOD ridance to bad rubish
17  Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / Re: Zack or Jack on: 19-05-2011 03:02 PM
Am i suppose to laugh shkesssssssssss Sad
18  Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / Re: I had to Walk Home!! on: 19-05-2011 02:45 PM
old skul try again later.
19  Forum / FunnyHub (Jokes + Comedy) / Re: Just For Laff! on: 18-05-2011 04:24 PM
 Smiley Smiley Smiley Smiley Smiley lmao
20  Forum / Relationships & Romance / Re: Caught Red-Handed on: 18-05-2011 03:36 PM
laugh  and walk away... Cheesy Cheesy Cheesy
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