Dear ladies,
I'll be blunt. First, if you are struggling to find a
husband…there is something wrong with you. Now,
your propaganda magazines have been telling you that
Nigerian men are commitment phobic, they are liars
and useless; but let’s be honest here,which is more
likely…that there is something wrong with about 70
million African men or there is something wrong with
one African woman, you?
Your newspaper or magazine can’t tell you this because
it has a commercial interest in not pissing you off.

However the truth is when a product isn’t doing terribly
well in the market, the sales team doesn’t blame the
consumers for being ignorant, stupid or whatever; they
either blame the product or the sales & marketing
strategy.
So, dear lady…how have you been selling yourself?
What is your marketing strategy? Do you think you are
going to be picked off the shelf and placed in the
basket of matrimony if you are always hanging out with
that coven of witches you call your friends? The ones
who intimidate any man who even approaches your
table?
YOU want YOU to get married. He isn’t going to walk
the whole lot of you down the aisle. Finding a husband
isn’t a team sport, it’s down to you and just you. Trust
me, even if she is your twin sister and loves you like
crazy. If another woman decides that the perfect man
for you is also the perfect man for her, she will either
snatch him up faster than you can say Jerry Springer or
make sure it bombs so that you remain as miserable as
she is.
Drinking yourself into a stupor every Friday and
Saturday night doesn’t exactly make you look like
marriage material. Neither will any product (you) do
well in the market if the sales team (you) reeks of
desperation. Nagging and whining only tells a man that
he is watching a mere preview of what life will be like if
he walks down the aisle with you. If your previous exs
all complained about your nags, get a gag!
You want a man? Invest in a good wardrobe, dress well.
Learn a few things about football; go to places where
bachelors hang out. Get out of your comfort zone and
your routine. Try a new church, a new bar, visit a
library . And when a man comes over to you smile and
be polite. Even if he doesn’t fit your mental image of
‘your man’.
That’s another thing. Women come to the table with so
many preconceptions. By the time a woman is 18 she
already has an image of her perfect man that includes
height, body type, voice etc. When a man is 18 the only
thing on his list is that she would be a woman. As time
goes by the woman adds more and more things to her
list such that by the time she is dating for marriage not
a single man alive can meet her exacting standards.
Getting a husband is like buying a house. Sure, you
want to buy the 5 bedroom townhouse in Lekki phase
II, but realistically you can only afford a three bedroom
flat in Ikeja... and that’s with a 20 year mortgage.
Similarly, a woman must learn that if she wants to get
married in this crazy country called Nigeria, she is
going to have to be realistic.
Look at your list. You have specifications on height,
tribe, income, occupation, what he drives, where he
lives, where he schooled, his looks, social circle. Really,
how much of that actually matters? Look at how men
do it; we marry anywhere from a housemaid to a
professor. A guy can have a taste for yellow pawpaw
but marries a ‘colour of the night’. We don’t come to
the table with a list set in stone; if the deal is right we
dump our criteria (and sometimes an incumbent wife-
elect) and marry someone so unexpected even our
closest friends are left stunned.
Stop coming to a relationship with a chip on your
shoulder. If you believe ‘all men are bad, ‘men are
dogs’ then it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy. No
man is perfect; if you want to find a perfect man, you
will have to do a Genesis chapter one and make him
out of clay and breathe life into him. And even then,
chances are he will still disappoint. Just ask the Big
Guy.
You say you can’t date an accountant coz they are
‘stingy with money’; but what if the perfect man for
you is someone who can inject some much needed
financial discipline into your ‘champagne lifestyle on a
palm-wine budget’ existence? You say you can’t marry
a blue-collar guy like a mechanic or a carpenter. Now, if
a carpenter was good enough for Mary the mother of
our Lord, why isn’t one good enough for you?
Okay, so the guy is a little short, a little fat..and balding
at 26. He doesn’t drive and he lives in Okokomaiko. Big
Deal. Don’t be so focused on where he is now; look and
see where he has the potential to be. Don’t focus on
some petty physical features that aren’t up to your
Mexican-soap-opera standards. Will he be faithful?
Will he be a good father? Will he cherish and respect
you?
What is the point of being beaten to a pulp every night
by some rich, good looking, womanizing jerk? Why did
you not marry that nice accountant in payroll who
thought you were the moon and stars? Oh, I remember,
coz you wanted your friends to see you on the arm of
the successful plastic surgeon, who now beats and
cheats on you so much that you are a laughing stock.
Do you want a future where you are sitting in traffic, in
your BMW X6, Gucci sunglasses covering your black
eye, and you look out of the window and you see the
accountant guy and his wife holding hands in a Keke
napep, laughing and giggling like newlyweds even
after 12 years of marriage?
Africa is full of good men. You just are so caught up
daydreaming about your fantasy man that they are
passing unnoticed before your very eyes. Don’t be
cynical, fussy and uptight. Improve the product and
how it is marketed and demand for it will go through
the roof.
And remember you are competing in a modern African
market. If you can’t cook, learn. Get over any hang-ups
you have about cleaning. And for God's sake don’t get
yourself pregnant or fake a pregnancy.
Your perfect man is out there. He may not look like
what you expected but if you give him a chance; the
two of you will find joy, companionship and completion
like you never thought possible.
Living happily ever after does not ends with fairytales
alone, its is actually achievable if you re ready to seek
love in its natural habitat.....which is strange places!

Post Reply

Posted: at 23-05-2012 12:56 PM (11 years ago) | Upcoming

Nice one dear.... 

Posted: at 23-05-2012 12:59 PM (11 years ago) | Addicted Hero

Nice one dear.... 

    Thanks Dear

Posted: at 23-05-2012 01:09 PM (11 years ago) | Upcoming

Whao!that a good one how i wish all those girls claiming "i cant marry a short man,an ugly man nd a man who is not wealthy"will read this. Keep it up ur talent is not wastin.

Posted: at 23-05-2012 01:21 PM (11 years ago) | Newbie

Ok...but my own nor dey that bad shall...I can,t Marry a man sa nor know how to make money..is that too hard

Posted: at 23-05-2012 01:35 PM (11 years ago) | Addicted Hero

"...that coven of witches you call your friends.." my favorite line! lol. very nice. notes taken

Posted: at 23-05-2012 01:43 PM (11 years ago) | Gistmaniac

Good one. Coming form a woman I did not find my husband it naturally happened by the grace of The Most High. I was focusing on myself and he was focusing on him. Our paths crossed and we fell in love we did not force anything. After experiencing relationships in the past we realized we both rushed witout getting to know the other person. We wanted our marriage to be built on respect, trust and love among other things that build strong foundations. We do it old fashion style. We courted each other and took our time. We were married October 15, 2010 and still did not live with each other until February of this year. we trust each other and respect each other deeply. we love each other and cheer each other on in our goals we reach together and apart. ladies you must know who you are first before you find a mate. And how do you know if you are afraid to naturally be yourself? And if there are men that do not want to be committed and you do, leave him ALONE! Don't think if you have sex with him that you are going to change his mind. Trust me he is doing you a big favor and being upfront about his intentions. Some don't say it with their words they will say it with their actions. It is then up to you ladies to value yourself and save yourself for your husband. It is never too late to wait, trust me I am talking for experience. Cleanse yourselves and wait for your husband until then work on yourself, on the inside out. And when you get married still work on yourself because that is a lifelong process. Peace.

Posted: at 23-05-2012 02:21 PM (11 years ago) | Newbie

 

Ok...but my own nor dey that bad shall...I can,t Marry a man sa nor know how to make money..is that too hard

Posted: at 23-05-2012 02:38 PM (11 years ago) | Gistmaniac

this is very nice................... thanks alot

Posted: at 23-05-2012 02:39 PM (11 years ago) | Gistmaniac

[ladies you]

Good one. Coming form a woman I did not find my husband it naturally happened by the grace of The Most High. I was focusing on myself and he was focusing on him. Our paths crossed and we fell in love we did not force anything. After experiencing relationships in the past we realized we both rushed witout getting to know the other person. We wanted our marriage to be built on respect, trust and love among other things that build strong foundations. We do it old fashion style. We courted each other and took our time. We were married October 15, 2010 and still did not live with each other until February of this year. we trust each other and respect each other deeply. we love each other and cheer each other on in our goals we reach together and apart. ladies you must know who you are first before you find a mate. And how do you know if you are afraid to naturally be yourself? And if there are men that do not want to be committed and you do, leave him ALONE! Don't think if you have sex with him that you are going to change his mind. Trust me he is doing you a big favor and being upfront about his intentions. Some don't say it with their words they will say it with their actions. It is then up to you ladies to value yourself and save yourself for your husband. It is never too late to wait, trust me I am talking for experience. Cleanse yourselves and wait for your husband until then work on yourself, on the inside out. And when you get married still work on yourself because that is a lifelong process. Peace.

Posted: at 23-05-2012 05:28 PM (11 years ago) | Hero

@ Safiya congratulation to you and you everlasting marriage. The highlighted words above was what I was looking for in this article.

Posted: at 23-05-2012 05:31 PM (11 years ago) | Hero

wow!!

Posted: at 23-05-2012 05:47 PM (11 years ago) | Gistmaniac

@poster, some women may not know what they want until they have experienced/learned things about life. A woman who don't hve God in her life cannot know a man.

A woman needs to hve confidence in herself. Knows your value, respect yourself/family.  Men are actin so stupidly smart nowadays most esp players: "God said you are my wifey. I hve been praying and God said u r d one for me" HUH.

When u mentioned about going to new church: Did u knw dat nt all churches operates with God? WHy can't u encourage them to find a bible based church where God will use them to fulfill His purpose? These are some of the things you can tell us. Not, height, that, dah, dah....Your article seems to explained how we ladies can recognized men of VALOR if we see them, but....

Thanks a lot. You tried.  

Posted: at 23-05-2012 06:05 PM (11 years ago) | Hero

"...that coven of witches you call your friends.." my favorite line! lol. very nice. notes taken

And the place that is called Okokomaiko is d one that pulled my laughter. 

Posted: at 23-05-2012 06:08 PM (11 years ago) | Hero

@Beauti4, well noted, that is main reason God help ADAM wit Eve, to be a supporter. thank you for correction ladies take her advice
@poster, some women may not know what they want until they have experienced/learned things about life. A woman who don't hve God in her life cannot know a man.

A woman needs to hve confidence in herself. Knows your value, respect yourself/family.  Men are actin so stupidly smart nowadays most esp players: "God said you are my wifey. I hve been praying and God said u r d one for me" HUH.

When u mentioned about going to new church: Did u knw dat nt all churches operates with God? WHy can't u encourage them to find a bible based church where God will use them to fulfill His purpose? These are some of the things you can tell us. Not, height, that, dah, dah....Your article seems to explained how we ladies can recognized men of VALOR if we see them, but....

Thanks a lot. You tried.  
[/quote]

Posted: at 23-05-2012 06:39 PM (11 years ago) | Upcoming

Dear Elton thank you. Its only a contribution to your wonderful advice.

Posted: at 23-05-2012 08:30 PM (11 years ago) | Hero

 

Posted: at 14-09-2012 02:12 PM (11 years ago) | Addicted Hero

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