It is not so often that we hear cases of men facing domestic violence in their homes. It is usually women who have to suffer the terrible ordeal, sometimes suffering their pain in silence, other times finding courage to speak up or flee the situation. What happens when it is a man? Who defends or even believes them? How do they go about speaking about their problem without sounding like weaklings or attention-seeking liars?
A Nigerian man, @rosanwo, living in the diaspora got the courage to speak up about his case on social media, and as expected, many discouraged him and asked him to find a better medium to air his dirty linen, while some supported and sent him kind words.
Find his story below:
‘Kept quiet for too long, hoping to salvage the situation. Sometimes this week I will bare it all including the question of my marriage,’ he started.
‘I have thought about my sons for so long but I have come to realise I have to speak up for me. I will explain to them when they are of age’ he continued, letting us know that his kids were part of the reason he stayed on. ‘We endure, we protect this who we once claimed to love but when they see no reason to reciprocate, we have no choice.
‘A marriage of verbal & physical abuse in the hands of in-laws then the spouse. About time I speak up for myself. ‘Over the last 20 months I have been through hell, at least I have the right to express what I endured. There are 2 sides to a coin’
He then spoke about how easy it was for women to get sympathy, unlike men whose cases are rarer. The man spoke about his wife’s unreasonably callous behaviour, false accusations labelled on him, abuse from his mother-in-law and so many terrible things.
‘More than often, it is very easy to label a man as the aggressor in DV cases, where the woman is the culprit, the man suffers in silence ‘I will be speaking up cos I could have easily ended up in jail based on false accusations of DV by the spouse to cover her tracks of DV ‘Maybe more men will stop suffering in silence and speak out when they experience DV than seeking to protect their abuser. ‘Absolutely nothing to hold back on, from a DV victim to survivor, you just wonder what is coming your way next’.
He acknowledged getting all the messages from concerned followers who tried to discourage him from discussing private matters on social media. However, he maintained that was the major reason some people take advantage and try to destroy others. ‘This whole idea of don’t do this here is why some take advantage of others to use public space to destroy other’s life. ‘There are 2 many people on here who know the truth about my marriage, from @Tund3_ to @eggheader. I endured it hoping for peace but ….’
He went ahead to mention his wife’s tendency to pretend she got little or no child support money from him, whereas she got more than she deserved according to law.
‘The spouse who collects child support above what the law stipulates but states otherwise in public just because men are bad. Or the numerous false financial claims which I have to come to know about’ According to him, his manipulative wife took the matter to the public first, pretending to be the victim so he wouldn’t speak up, despite him dropping all charges against her.
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‘The whole going public was to shut me down from speaking, now I am past that. Spent the last 13 months going from police to courts. ‘I have never been arrested or detained for a minute, I dropped charges against the spouse to not have to do this. Yet I am falsely accused’The situation was so bad, he even feared for his life sometimes and took steps to get evidence in case anything happened to him. ‘On one of those days of my physical abuse, I did have audio recordings in the house in case I did not make it. Someone would know how I died ‘Those audios will be shortly on my YouTube channel. I am back to the courts but this time I won’t be holding back’ On some occasions, he’d had it so bad, he considered taking his own life.
‘Gone me are the days I almost stepped in front of the bus to end it or dread going home after work cos of what I was going through at home ‘Where do I start from? Was it the mother in law who slapped me 18 times or the spouse who broke a bottle on me or the days I slumped at home ‘I realise that it would have just been Rosanwo is a nice guy if I had passed on. 1 min silence and live goes on.
‘Or the days when I had to call for help, Pastor to come and save me from the hands of the woman I claim to love. ‘At the end of the day, the truth will prevail. I will no longer enable my abuser to use this space. ‘My son and I heading to creche last Thursday, dead beat fathers don’t do this’ he added, with a photo of himself and one of his kids.’
‘I don’t have a marriage but I have 2 sons, survived DV & I am still breathing. Now time to put all the numerous allegations to rest
‘When my sons are of age, if God does not spare me long life, they will be able to read this and the court papers.
‘Marriages fail however one does not have to fail with it.’ He then denied all accusations labelled against him and went ahead to show screenshots of conversations between himself and his wife and some others she had with friends. ‘Finally I deny all the allegations raised so far. Matter is in court. My concern is for my sons. Thanks’
’10 days after our son was born, motherinlaw breaks mirror to stab spouse, stepped in, received 18 slaps & got a spine shift’ he continued.
‘If this were Nigeria, many would claim one was buying the system. @metpoliceuk has all records of attending to our home including cautions. ‘I have been separated for 1 year going to just live quietly, I left when I saw near death however back to the UK courts for the law to act
‘Those of you who went into spouse DM, I have your screenshots. The couple in Abuja who was asking her to date their friend in London,’ he threatened. ‘The Lagos IT boys who entered her DM to condemn me by ended up asking sleep with her, I keep your screenshots for another day ‘You don’t any idea of how difficult it was, my father and sisters are on Twitter. Take a cue from that.
‘Can’t do Abuja peeps screenshot cos my solicitor says it contains too much but here is December 2015. So you know them’ he wrote, sharing the screenshot below’
‘Gone me are the days I almost stepped in front of the bus to end it or dread going home after work cos of what I was going through at home ‘Where do I start from? Was it the mother in law who slapped me 18 times or the spouse who broke a bottle on me or the days I slumped at home ‘I realise that it would have just been Rosanwo is a nice guy if I had passed on. 1 min silence and live goes on.
‘Or the days when I had to call for help, Pastor to come and save me from the hands of the woman I claim to love. ‘At the end of the day, the truth will prevail. I will no longer enable my abuser to use this space. ‘My son and I heading to creche last Thursday, dead beat fathers don’t do this’ he added, with a photo of himself and one of his kids.’
‘I don’t have a marriage but I have 2 sons, survived DV & I am still breathing. Now time to put all the numerous allegations to rest
‘When my sons are of age, if God does not spare me long life, they will be able to read this and the court papers.
‘Marriages fail however one does not have to fail with it.’ He then denied all accusations labelled against him and went ahead to show screenshots of conversations between himself and his wife and some others she had with friends. ‘Finally I deny all the allegations raised so far. Matter is in court. My concern is for my sons. Thanks’
’10 days after our son was born, motherinlaw breaks mirror to stab spouse, stepped in, received 18 slaps & got a spine shift’ he continued.
‘If this were Nigeria, many would claim one was buying the system. @metpoliceuk has all records of attending to our home including cautions. ‘I have been separated for 1 year going to just live quietly, I left when I saw near death however back to the UK courts for the law to act
‘Those of you who went into spouse DM, I have your screenshots. The couple in Abuja who was asking her to date their friend in London,’ he threatened. ‘The Lagos IT boys who entered her DM to condemn me by ended up asking sleep with her, I keep your screenshots for another day ‘You don’t any idea of how difficult it was, my father and sisters are on Twitter. Take a cue from that.
‘Can’t do Abuja peeps screenshot cos my solicitor says it contains too much but here is December 2015. So you know them’ he wrote, sharing the screenshot below’
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