Single mothers should not be sigmatized in the society (Page 7)

Date: 20-08-2009 10:41 am (12 years ago) | Author: yemi
1 ... 4 5 6 [7] 8 9 10 ... 17
- Ihuoma at 21-08-2009 07:26 PM (12 years ago)
(f)
Quote from: pope12 on 20-08-2009 02:10 PM
Quote from: Ihuoma on 20-08-2009 01:55 PM
Quote from: anonymous2 on 20-08-2009 10:41 AM
Why are single mothers stigmatised in d society?i mean they say ....NEVER SAY NEVER.Most ladies dat say such can neva happen to them find themselves in dis kind of situation.Now d question is...why d rejection and scorn they face in d society? i think most teenage single mothers should be counselled instead of d stigmatisation.wats ur own view to this issue?

I don't agree.
Being a single mother is different than being a teenage single mother. Now being a teenage single should remain a stigma and should not be accepted in society. What are they going to be counseled on?

lets not look at it from the illicit sex point of view.
what if the pregnancy resulted from a rape incidence and the girl in question decided to keep it.


That is completely different case....that's opening up a whole different discussion.

Posted: at 21-08-2009 07:26 PM (12 years ago) | Upcoming
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- Ihuoma at 21-08-2009 07:29 PM (12 years ago)
(f)
Quote from: kenyawest on 21-08-2009 05:09 AM
The stigmatization of single mothers are probably worldwide, but very likely Nigeria may have the most conservative view towards single mothers.

Many widows are not given rights when their husbands die.  Majority of their rights are taken from them.  If their husband did not leave a Will, it is next to impossible for them to be awarded their husband property.  If the widow does not have male children, they have less rights.

Many divorced women are not given rights when they get divorce.  The society shuns her as a bad woman who could not keep her home together.  The children most of the time may be taken away from her and given to the husband because Nigeria is more paternalistic in the order in which children are awarded during divorce.

Many women that have children out of wedlock because their biological clock is ticking and they need and want children are also stigmatized.  Here this single mother may have more power to make a decision because she may be independent and can look after her child or children.  She is still stigmatized because the society may view her as wayward.

Teenage single mothers are probably the ones that suffer the most.  Not only are they ostracized by their families, they are also stigmatized by the society.  There is no consideration that under age single mothers were as a result of rape.  Any man having sex with an under age girl is molesting the girl!  Every teenage girl that is a single mother was raped unless they had sex with a boy their own age and got pregnant.  This is where the society should rally and support these young girls.

Many men in the Nigerian culture are of the opinion that they will not raise another man's child or children because the biological father will eventually come and take their child or children which is not always true.

Children used to be considered as wealth.  Single mothers used to hope on God alone because God is the Father of fatherless children and husband to women that do not have husbands.

As the society stigmatizes these single mothers, single mothers should always hang on to their faith that God is their husband and Father to their children.  Hanging onto that faith destroys all society stigmatization.





Nice...

Posted: at 21-08-2009 07:29 PM (12 years ago) | Upcoming
Reply
- Ihuoma at 21-08-2009 07:29 PM (12 years ago)
(f)
Quote from: anonymous2 on 21-08-2009 01:16 PM
Quote from: Ihuoma on 20-08-2009 01:55 PM
Quote from: anonymous2 on 20-08-2009 10:41 AM
Why are single mothers stigmatised in d society?i mean they say ....NEVER SAY NEVER.Most ladies dat say such can neva happen to them find themselves in dis kind of situation.Now d question is...why d rejection and scorn they face in d society? i think most teenage single mothers should be counselled instead of d stigmatisation.wats ur own view to this issue?

I don't agree.
Being a single mother is different than being a teenage single mother. Now being a teenage single should remain a stigma and should not be accepted in society. What are they going to be counseled on?
i guess pope answered ur question

Where?

Posted: at 21-08-2009 07:29 PM (12 years ago) | Upcoming
Reply
- RomeoBoy at 21-08-2009 07:34 PM (12 years ago)
(m)
Quote from: zie85er on 21-08-2009 07:11 PM
Quote from: RomeoBoy on 21-08-2009 07:09 PM
u dey call am theory
well...technically, yes...

no be technically yes lol.................
Posted: at 21-08-2009 07:34 PM (12 years ago) | Upcoming
Reply
- Ihuoma at 21-08-2009 07:38 PM (12 years ago)
(f)
Quote from: sistimlou on 21-08-2009 04:01 PM
Quote from: anonymous2 on 21-08-2009 02:13 PM
[
excuse me...hold it dere........cant u read?was i in anyway supporting stigmatisation of single mothers?or was d conclusion u drew from d topic.............i think i deserve better dan dat from u
I wasn't talking to you; I was talking to a perticular Ihuoma girl. I think I accidentally deleted the quote before posting. I realise you're just looking for contributions, and that's what I was doing; contributing.
[/quote]

Ihuoma girl, first of I have the right to my opinion. You are different from most single mothers I know. I would never call any women a  slut/hoe or anything….most young people that get pregnant never learn their lesson or not mature enough to handle the responsibility of being a mother. Even though, I don’t agree with being a teenage mother, I am not judging you as long as you do right by your child. I never once mentioned that any girl who had a child is a slut/hoe or bad. 

Posted: at 21-08-2009 07:38 PM (12 years ago) | Upcoming
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- kenyawest at 21-08-2009 08:13 PM (12 years ago)
(f)
Quote from: NenyeN on 21-08-2009 12:49 PM
Kenyawest, that is a nice, well thought out post, but I have to disagree with the last sentence. Hanging on to faith is like trying to ignore the stigmatization, and the stigmatization will always be there. So ignoring it doesn't destroy it (make it go away).

People, our cultures still hold steadfast that one of the reasons, if not the only reason, for marriage is to have children. So regardless of the circumstance surrounding any single mother (teenage or not), the immediate response is disapproval [stigmatization] in our cultures, because the child is not of wedlock. So, until single mothers are willing to tell people the circumstance surrounding their single motherhood, I suggest that they prepare themselves to face disapproval in our cultures, because the only people who likely to not disapprove are people who know the circumstance surrounding the single mother's single motherhood.

Temi07, I agree with you 100%
Thanks.  Society stigmatization may continue but no longer for that single mother that hangs on to her faith on God as her husband and having God as Father to her children.  When the single mother focuses on God, the stigmatization around her is no longer valid because her faith has given her a husband who is God, and God as Father to her children.  That single mother is no longer operating under the societies stigmatization, but operating on a different spiritual level.  The society stigmatization does disappear for that single mother under these circumstances.    My experience is that God takes those children and trains them to be very successful because they are His and His alone.  The single mother is under His protection and promise.  I know for a fact that this works.  The society will then start wondering how this single mother is making it with her children.  The single mother knows her secret.  She is married to the most High God, and the best parent for her children is Almighty God.

Posted: at 21-08-2009 08:13 PM (12 years ago) | Gistmaniac
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- kenyawest at 21-08-2009 08:33 PM (12 years ago)
(f)
Quote from: fireman on 21-08-2009 06:57 AM
well spoken kenyawest
thanks fireman.
Posted: at 21-08-2009 08:33 PM (12 years ago) | Gistmaniac
Reply
- kenyawest at 21-08-2009 08:34 PM (12 years ago)
(f)
Quote from: Resi on 21-08-2009 09:27 AM
Quote from: kenyawest on 21-08-2009 05:09 AM
The stigmatization of single mothers are probably worldwide, but very likely Nigeria may have the most conservative view towards single mothers.

Many widows are not given rights when their husbands die.  Majority of their rights are taken from them.  If their husband did not leave a Will, it is next to impossible for them to be awarded their husband property.  If the widow does not have male children, they have less rights.

Many divorced women are not given rights when they get divorce.  The society shuns her as a bad woman who could not keep her home together.  The children most of the time may be taken away from her and given to the husband because Nigeria is more paternalistic in the order in which children are awarded during divorce.

Many women that have children out of wedlock because their biological clock is ticking and they need and want children are also stigmatized.  Here this single mother may have more power to make a decision because she may be independent and can look after her child or children.  She is still stigmatized because the society may view her as wayward.

Teenage single mothers are probably the ones that suffer the most.  Not only are they ostracized by their families, they are also stigmatized by the society.  There is no consideration that under age single mothers were as a result of rape.  Any man having sex with an under age girl is molesting the girl!  Every teenage girl that is a single mother was raped unless they had sex with a boy their own age and got pregnant.  This is where the society should rally and support these young girls.

Many men in the Nigerian culture are of the opinion that they will not raise another man's child or children because the biological father will eventually come and take their child or children which is not always true.

Children used to be considered as wealth.  Single mothers used to hope on God alone because God is the Father of fatherless children and husband to women that do not have husbands.

As the society stigmatizes these single mothers, single mothers should always hang on to their faith that God is their husband and Father to their children.  Hanging onto that faith destroys all society stigmatization.




Quite impressive.

Thanks Rezi.  Speaking from experience.
Posted: at 21-08-2009 08:34 PM (12 years ago) | Gistmaniac
Reply
- kenyawest at 21-08-2009 08:36 PM (12 years ago)
(f)
Quote from: around_d_corner on 21-08-2009 10:20 AM
Quote from: kenyawest on 21-08-2009 05:09 AM
The stigmatization of single mothers are probably worldwide, but very likely Nigeria may have the most conservative view towards single mothers.

Many widows are not given rights when their husbands die.  Majority of their rights are taken from them.  If their husband did not leave a Will, it is next to impossible for them to be awarded their husband property.  If the widow does not have male children, they have less rights.

Many divorced women are not given rights when they get divorce.  The society shuns her as a bad woman who could not keep her home together.  The children most of the time may be taken away from her and given to the husband because Nigeria is more paternalistic in the order in which children are awarded during divorce.

Many women that have children out of wedlock because their biological clock is ticking and they need and want children are also stigmatized.  Here this single mother may have more power to make a decision because she may be independent and can look after her child or children.  She is still stigmatized because the society may view her as wayward.

Teenage single mothers are probably the ones that suffer the most.  Not only are they ostracized by their families, they are also stigmatized by the society.  There is no consideration that under age single mothers were as a result of rape.  Any man having sex with an under age girl is molesting the girl!  Every teenage girl that is a single mother was raped unless they had sex with a boy their own age and got pregnant.  This is where the society should rally and support these young girls.

Many men in the Nigerian culture are of the opinion that they will not raise another man's child or children because the biological father will eventually come and take their child or children which is not always true.

Children used to be considered as wealth.  Single mothers used to hope on God alone because God is the Father of fatherless children and husband to women that do not have husbands.

As the society stigmatizes these single mothers, single mothers should always hang on to their faith that God is their husband and Father to their children.  Hanging onto that faith destroys all society stigmatization.




is  interestin to hear
thanks around the corner.
Posted: at 21-08-2009 08:36 PM (12 years ago) | Gistmaniac
Reply
- kenyawest at 21-08-2009 08:40 PM (12 years ago)
(f)
Quote from: pope12 on 21-08-2009 01:40 PM
Quote from: kenyawest on 21-08-2009 05:09 AM
The stigmatization of single mothers are probably worldwide, but very likely Nigeria may have the most conservative view towards single mothers.Many widows are not given rights when their husbands die.  Majority of their rights are taken from them.  If their husband did not leave a Will, it is next to impossible for them to be awarded their husband property.  If the widow does not have male children, they have less rights.Many divorced women are not given rights when they get divorce.  The society shuns her as a bad woman who could not keep her home together.  The children most of the time may be taken away from her and given to the husband because Nigeria is more paternalistic in the order in which children are awarded during divorce.Many women that have children out of wedlock because their biological clock is ticking and they need and want children are also stigmatized.  Here this single mother may have more power to make a decision because she may be independent and can look after her child or children.  She is still stigmatized because the society may view her as wayward.Teenage single mothers are probably the ones that suffer the most.  Not only are they ostracized by their families, they are also stigmatized by the society.  There is no consideration that under age single mothers were as a result of rape.  Any man having sex with an under age girl is molesting the girl!  Every teenage girl that is a single mother was raped unless they had sex with a boy their own age and got pregnant.  This is where the society should rally and support these young girls.Many men in the Nigerian culture are of the opinion that they will not raise another man's child or children because the biological father will eventually come and take their child or children which is not always true.Children used to be considered as wealth.  Single mothers used to hope on God alone because God is the Father of fatherless children and husband to women that do not have husbands.As the society stigmatizes these single mothers, single mothers should always hang on to their faith that God is their husband and Father to their children.  Hanging onto that faith destroys all society stigmatization.

intresting and impressive post.
 self imposed and teenage single parenthood is our the point of discussion.

Thanks.  Please remember widows with children and divorced women with children.  Their life has not gotten any better either.  A societies progress is measured by the way they treat their seniors and youth.
Posted: at 21-08-2009 08:40 PM (12 years ago) | Gistmaniac
Reply
- kenyawest at 21-08-2009 08:48 PM (12 years ago)
(f)
Quote from: sistimlou on 21-08-2009 02:01 PM
I'd like to say that I am a teenage single mother; I'm 18 and my baby girl is 13 months old. And it's people who have the opinion that girls like me are 'bad' or 'sluts' that drive teenage girls who get pregnant to get abortions. I'm not a slut; the only person I've ever slept with is the fater of my child, and I'm not 'bad; I just decided to take responsibility for my actions. If I'd aborted her, who'd've known anything? I was not raped; I had consensual sex with my boyfriend, and I got pregnant. If you are a virgin who has never 'fooled around', then I will be more inclined to view your comment graciously. Having my daughter was and still is one of the most amazingly wonderful things to have ever happened to me, and I wouldn't trade her for anything in the world. So when I go out with her and I see people like you staring at us, I know it's because they are ignorant of what it means to make a mistake yet never regret it.
Congratulations.  I wish this did not happen to you at such an early age.  It has happened.  Invite God into your life to help you raise your daughter.  I wish you and your daughter the very best.  Ensuring you give your daughter the best life and education should be your paramount interest.  The way to do that is to ensure that you receive the best education possible.  Good luck.
Posted: at 21-08-2009 08:48 PM (12 years ago) | Gistmaniac
Reply
- kenyawest at 21-08-2009 08:52 PM (12 years ago)
(f)
Quote from: Kunle17 on 21-08-2009 03:04 PM
The thinking of our people should be addressed, I mean, we should change our orientation towards live. For being a single mother should not be seen from the angle of waywardness but from the larger angle. The man in question will be seen and claim to be  innocent, saint as if the lady pick up the pregnance on the street and we all know it from adam that if a lady call a guy and the guy did not turn up the pregnance will not come to place but the man will be the initiator,organizer of the game, when the result comes up he will be the 1st to deny the event, if this same person should see the girl with another man another problem, he will scream on top of his voice. We should learn to accept the result of what we do not just extending blames to others ,a man that sleep (segxwal intercourse) with an able lady(girl) without any form of protection should be expecting result and the result is pregnance so a man that is not expecting pregnance should think twice berofe his action and claiming to be saint ,ignorance of what we do. By the time, the lady survived the problem and the child becomes somebody accepted in the society, the runaway father will come back and started pleading and saying it's devil, it's not his wish and who will pay the price for  his long absent, the single mother will pay it all , we should not forget , the ladies have their problem but we men should try to understand the result from the beginning so as to minimise the problem in our society, a single mother out of fustration can decide to kill the child, sell the child since the society did not accept her of being a single mother and the man who impregnant her will go ahead to do what he likes doing so my dear people single no be sin, no be sickness, some will say na mistake, some will say na act of God let us learn to correct the anomally and stop the stigmatization.

Thanks.  This is important training for young men and adult men.  What are your suggestions for re-orientating men in our society towards that responsibility.

God's solution to single motherhood is is cited in the example where he asked Joseph to stay with Mary even though Joseph was not the father of Jesus.

Stigmatization of single mothers in any society is not spiritually sound.
Posted: at 21-08-2009 08:52 PM (12 years ago) | Gistmaniac
Reply
- kenyawest at 21-08-2009 08:55 PM (12 years ago)
(f)
Quote from: NenyeN on 21-08-2009 04:03 PM
Although our cultural views of waywardness play a role in the stigmatization of single mothers, I maintain that it is the views and expectations of our cultures, in regard to marriage, children, and family (which are very stringent) that play the largest role. Those that make the stigmatization of single motherhood out to only be an issue of waywardness are thinking of it from a narrow, mainly religious perspective, and not the larger cultural perspective.
If stigmatization of single mothers came from religious perspective, then that church is not of God.  Churches are required to look after widows, orphans, fatherless children, etc.
Posted: at 21-08-2009 08:55 PM (12 years ago) | Gistmaniac
Reply
- kenyawest at 21-08-2009 08:59 PM (12 years ago)
(f)
Quote from: Ihuoma on 21-08-2009 07:29 PM
Quote from: kenyawest on 21-08-2009 05:09 AM
The stigmatization of single mothers are probably worldwide, but very likely Nigeria may have the most conservative view towards single mothers.

Many widows are not given rights when their husbands die.  Majority of their rights are taken from them.  If their husband did not leave a Will, it is next to impossible for them to be awarded their husband property.  If the widow does not have male children, they have less rights.

Many divorced women are not given rights when they get divorce.  The society shuns her as a bad woman who could not keep her home together.  The children most of the time may be taken away from her and given to the husband because Nigeria is more paternalistic in the order in which children are awarded during divorce.

Many women that have children out of wedlock because their biological clock is ticking and they need and want children are also stigmatized.  Here this single mother may have more power to make a decision because she may be independent and can look after her child or children.  She is still stigmatized because the society may view her as wayward.

Teenage single mothers are probably the ones that suffer the most.  Not only are they ostracized by their families, they are also stigmatized by the society.  There is no consideration that under age single mothers were as a result of rape.  Any man having sex with an under age girl is molesting the girl!  Every teenage girl that is a single mother was raped unless they had sex with a boy their own age and got pregnant.  This is where the society should rally and support these young girls.

Many men in the Nigerian culture are of the opinion that they will not raise another man's child or children because the biological father will eventually come and take their child or children which is not always true.

Children used to be considered as wealth.  Single mothers used to hope on God alone because God is the Father of fatherless children and husband to women that do not have husbands.

As the society stigmatizes these single mothers, single mothers should always hang on to their faith that God is their husband and Father to their children.  Hanging onto that faith destroys all society stigmatization.





Nice...
Thanks Ihuoma
Posted: at 21-08-2009 08:59 PM (12 years ago) | Gistmaniac
Reply
- brightossy at 21-08-2009 09:38 PM (12 years ago)
(m)
Women palaba
Posted: at 21-08-2009 09:38 PM (12 years ago) | Gistmaniac
Reply
- NenyeN at 21-08-2009 11:21 PM (12 years ago)
(m)
Quote from: kenyawest on 21-08-2009 08:13 PM
Thanks.  Society stigmatization may continue but no longer for that single mother that hangs on to her faith on God as her husband and having God as Father to her children.  When the single mother focuses on God, the stigmatization around her is no longer valid because her faith has given her a husband who is God, and God as Father to her children.  That single mother is no longer operating under the societies stigmatization, but operating on a different spiritual level.  The society stigmatization does disappear for that single mother under these circumstances.    My experience is that God takes those children and trains them to be very successful because they are His and His alone.  The single mother is under His protection and promise.  I know for a fact that this works.  The society will then start wondering how this single mother is making it with her children.  The single mother knows her secret.  She is married to the most High God, and the best parent for her children is Almighty God.
Oh okay. I see what you're saying now.

Quote from: kenyawest on 21-08-2009 08:55 PM
If stigmatization of single mothers came from religious perspective, then that church is not of God.  Churches are required to look after widows, orphans, fatherless children, etc.
Stigmatization is extreme disapproval. We can still extremely disapprove of the institution of single motherhood while still looking after widows, orphans, fatherless children, etc. Our cultures have been doing that since before the Portuguese first stepped foot into West Africa. Just because we take care of widows, orphans, fatherless children, etc. does not mean that we have to approve of and accept the institution of single motherhood as a norm.

Posted: at 21-08-2009 11:21 PM (12 years ago) | Newbie
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- temi07 at 21-08-2009 11:23 PM (12 years ago)
(f)
Quote from: sistimlou on 21-08-2009 02:01 PM
I'd like to say that I am a teenage single mother; I'm 18 and my baby girl is 13 months old. And it's people who have the opinion that girls like me are 'bad' or 'sluts' that drive teenage girls who get pregnant to get abortions. I'm not a slut; the only person I've ever slept with is the fater of my child, and I'm not 'bad; I just decided to take responsibility for my actions. If I'd aborted her, who'd've known anything? I was not raped; I had consensual sex with my boyfriend, and I got pregnant. If you are a virgin who has never 'fooled around', then I will be more inclined to view your comment graciously. Having my daughter was and still is one of the most amazingly wonderful things to have ever happened to me, and I wouldn't trade her for anything in the world. So when I go out with her and I see people like you staring at us, I know it's because they are ignorant of what it means to make a mistake yet never regret it.
Am trying to find nice words to say what am thinking right now but there are just no nice words and am very sure alot of u r going to wanna bury me if i actually type them out so am going to go think and pray about it for a while.
Posted: at 21-08-2009 11:23 PM (12 years ago) | Gistmaniac
Reply
- Ihuoma at 22-08-2009 01:09 AM (12 years ago)
(f)
Quote from: temi07 on 21-08-2009 11:23 PM
Quote from: sistimlou on 21-08-2009 02:01 PM
I'd like to say that I am a teenage single mother; I'm 18 and my baby girl is 13 months old. And it's people who have the opinion that girls like me are 'bad' or 'sluts' that drive teenage girls who get pregnant to get abortions. I'm not a slut; the only person I've ever slept with is the fater of my child, and I'm not 'bad; I just decided to take responsibility for my actions. If I'd aborted her, who'd've known anything? I was not raped; I had consensual sex with my boyfriend, and I got pregnant. If you are a virgin who has never 'fooled around', then I will be more inclined to view your comment graciously. Having my daughter was and still is one of the most amazingly wonderful things to have ever happened to me, and I wouldn't trade her for anything in the world. So when I go out with her and I see people like you staring at us, I know it's because they are ignorant of what it means to make a mistake yet never regret it.
Am trying to find nice words to say what am thinking right now but there are just no nice words and am very sure alot of u r going to wanna bury me if i actually type them out so am going to go think and pray about it for a while.

Honestly Temi, I understand. I was careful of what I should say too but I was able to put it nicely....

Posted: at 22-08-2009 01:09 AM (12 years ago) | Upcoming
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- kenyawest at 22-08-2009 03:19 AM (12 years ago)
(f)
Quote from: NenyeN on 21-08-2009 11:21 PM
Quote from: kenyawest on 21-08-2009 08:13 PM
Oh okay. I see what you're saying now.

Quote from: kenyawest on 21-08-2009 08:55 PM
If stigmatization of single mothers came from religious perspective, then that church is not of God.  Churches are required to look after widows, orphans, fatherless children, etc.
Stigmatization is extreme disapproval. We can still extremely disapprove of the institution of single motherhood while still looking after widows, orphans, fatherless children, etc. Our cultures have been doing that since before the Portuguese first stepped foot into West Africa. Just because we take care of widows, orphans, fatherless children, etc. does not mean that we have to approve of and accept the institution of single motherhood as a norm.
So far, all that is available is the stigmatization, but there is no institution available supporting single mothers and their children in Nigeria.  Correct me if I am wrong. 
Posted: at 22-08-2009 03:19 AM (12 years ago) | Gistmaniac
Reply
- kenyawest at 22-08-2009 03:26 AM (12 years ago)
(f)
@Nenyen
So far, all that is available is the stigmatization of single mothers in the society, but there is no institution available supporting single mothers and their children in Nigeria.  Correct me if I am wrong.  There should be support for the girl that kept the baby and did not abort.  Everybody makes mistakes and should be given an opportunity to make something out of their life.  There are also innocent children involved in that mistake and the society is obligated to take care of those children too.

Whether we like it or not, stigmatization or no stigmatization, single mothers are here to stay.  Society needs to start adjusting to those facts.

Condemning and disapproval is not going to make this problem go away.  We need to start coming up with solutions.

Posted: at 22-08-2009 03:26 AM (12 years ago) | Gistmaniac
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