sweetheart, calm down. Everything is going to be okay. You must remember that everyone makes mistakes...way worse mistakes and in the grand scheme of things...stupid crap does not matter.
I do not know if you are a person of faith or not, but when I have experienced boughts with anxiety and fear similar to what you just described, I find deep comfort through pray. I pray and ask God to calm my soul and protect me from thinking about things in a negative way.
Please take note of the images you describe and go to see a physician. Preferably a psychiatrist, read them exactly what you wrote here and they will help you determine what to do.
I think that you could really benefit from an antidepressant, mood stabilizer (Lamicat possibly) or other antianxiety medication (nor xanex!)
A counselor can be very helpful in talking out problems etc, however if there is any underlying chemical embalance...they do not have the ability to diagnose or to prescribe treatment.
Please contact the student healthcare dept tomorrow and find information about how you can go to see a pyschiatrist.
---until then, dry your eyes and take a deep breath. Remember that your family and friends back home dont love you because they have to. They adore you because you are YOU! You should never feel one bit scared about being yourself in front of anyone.
Are you a female? If so, and you are on birth control- you should really look into the possibility that your feelings could be a side effect. IF you are on any medication, you should look into a link.
Im ramblling here and dont feel like Ive been very helpful. Dang it. Just calm down, get in to see someone who can help you, and force yourself to look at people in the eye and speak to them without being afraid of saying the wrong thing.
Constantly remind yourself that you have nothing to be afraid of and the many reasons you have to be confident.
Stop being so hard on yourself. Relax and enjoy life.
I hope this rambling helped : ) youre in my prayers : )
SMILE!!!!!!!!!!!
OH- and when you start have negative/scary thoughts....immediately shift your thoughts to something wonderful that you cant help but smile at. Possibly pictures of a baby? A hysterical episode of scrubs, how i met your mother, dumb and dumber, seinfeld, alec baldwin on saturday night live...will ferrell...more cowbell...modern family or turn on an episode of tosh.0...I laughed hysterically at that the other night.
remember that laughter is the best medicine
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