If revealing your segxwal past to your husband will be hurtful, it would be wise not to do it.
The loveliest thing about marriage is the sense that you and your spouse know each other deeply, and will continue to uncover more knowledge about each other for years to come. So of course you share some segxwal secrets. But as someone who has heard about the fallout of these shared secrets too often, I want to say this: Be very careful about revealing your segxwal past.
Some women, in the name of "sharing," become specific not only to old lovers and names and preferences and private parts, but confide to their husbands about kinky explorations from, oh, college days, and positions and threesomes and experiments. And I, as their counselor, spend years trying to get the fretful guy to forget this knowledge. Truth-telling is so rampant these days that you'd think it really is someone else's business what you did in bed five or ten years ago.
Trust me, it isn’t. You play intimacy games ("I'll tell you a secret if you tell me one") at your risk. True intimacy isn’t about revelation so much as it is about discretion.
Intimacy requires a falling-away of barriers. But the "truths" you share when you share your segxwal past bring up a deep competition, threat and jealousy. Freud had a name for this: He called men’s deep and unreasonable desire for a woman to have a blank segxwal past "Retroactive Monogamy." Yes, we’re all beyond that now, but emotions aren’t as modern as we think. How did you really feel when your new husband confided that his first love was the finest dominatrix on the West Coast? Was that a truth you need to know? Why should he hear that the height of segxwal ecstasy for you was a decade ago, when you had nine simultaneous orgasms during tantric sex with your bisegxwal yoga instructor (and that he was married. And you were, too)?
Ladies, please consider how you both will feel later on in the night—and on and on into your future—once the sharing of secrets turns into a massive stomachache. Who needs the retroactive scrutiny? Who needs the questions that remain in his head about your goofy, segxwally ambivalent yoga teacher? Who needs to picture him, forever and ever, handcuffed to a bed?
Please, do not confuse discreet with deceit. Discretion is respecting privacy—yours and his—it’s not lying. It’s revealing that which is appropriate and relevant—but with a careful eye towards its emotional impact and its rebound effect. And don’t confuse honesty with honor. You wouldn't reveal a friend's secrets, would you—and then say you were "just being honest?" No, give me honor over honesty any day.
I know a woman who told her husband about a lover’s beautiful private part and her husband is still making self-mocking remarks about his own. She can’t convince him that his is great, too. The heart, complicated and possessive, hears the worst not the best when it feels threatened. So, instead of talking about the stuff that turned you on in the past, talk to your beloved husband about what turns you on now! And when he asks about the segxwal experiences you’ve had in your life and with whom ("Wow! Where’d you learn that?") it's both fair and kind to be vague and forgetful. You’re allowed your secrets. You’re allowed mystery. What really matters—and this you can speak to your heart's content—is just how much you're looking forward to the segxwal experiences you're hoping to have with your husband.
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Posted: at 6-12-2009 03:08 PM (14 years ago) | Addicted Hero
I didnt read the post, I'm just answering to the topic. No! Tell no man (ur husband or whoever) ur past segxwal life. Bliv me, he doesn't wanna know, he doesn't care. What does he need the knowlegde of ur past sex for? Rehearsals or motivation? abi na fore-warning?
segxwal life/relationship is a personal, confidential and intellectually property.
diplomatik at 6-12-2009 07:02 PM (14 years ago) (f)
Quote from: Kennee on 6-12-2009 03:37 PM
The first line was enuff for the Message... Haa!! Yu too like Long Story
Quote from: nametalkam on 6-12-2009 03:08 PM
If revealing your segxwal past to your husband will be hurtful, it would be wise not to do it.
lol
u've seen me right? i look kool right? ???but don't send me mails asking for my add or phone no. and don't give it to me either , i'll ask u if i want it ..ok...kool
Posted: at 6-12-2009 07:02 PM (14 years ago) | Addicted Hero
no try am .....u will end up loosing ur home.. no matter how much he claims.. he loves u.. the heart is very deceptive.
Hun, na You be this?
Topic - I couldn't go through the whole write-up but dealing wiff Your thread title, I'D say, If the past isn't detrimental to the sucess of Your marriage . . . .Let sleeping dogs lie.
SSCE, BSC, ABS, ADN, AAS, AAGS, PHD, MASTERS....I'm Qualified, So Shut Up And Listen .
Posted: at 6-12-2009 10:29 PM (14 years ago) | Gistmaniac
no try am .....u will end up loosing ur home.. no matter how much he claims.. he loves u.. the heart is very deceptive.
Hun, na You be this?
Topic - I couldn't go through the whole write-up but dealing wiff Your thread title, I'D say, If the past isn't detrimental to the sucess of Your marriage . . . .Let sleeping dogs lie.
i miss u 10 much :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
Posted: at 7-12-2009 07:31 AM (14 years ago) | Hero
some men, want to hear abt their wive's or gf's past segxwal experiences, in order to improve the quality of the segxwall lives, some mehn will like the hear abt the mistake the previous guy did, so dat they wont follow his tracks. They like to do more dan wat the other guy did, so dat the woman wont compare them to the previous guy
On the other hand, comes the type of men, dat dont want to hear anything abt the past, cuz they[men] might flare up nd end up destroying the relationship/marriage.
If u want to hear want i'll do personally, holla at me privately
2.0.
Posted: at 7-12-2009 11:05 AM (14 years ago) | Addicted Hero
Hmmm... With how abused sex is these days and how so very easily people jump in and out of segxwal relations I think it's only fair both parties tell each other where their honours and pride have been thrown away. There are few things degrading for a man than realising after U've blown his trumpet bout the woman he married realising that the guys before which he has ignorantly blown it have all had her. Damn!
Guys like feeling like what they have is unique and the best and they're the only one's that have it; that's why everyman if he had the means would always have at least one thing he owns customized for his pleasure and his alone.
Posted: at 7-12-2009 11:28 AM (14 years ago) | Hero
oyez
Kennee
OB3ICE
ibobobelvis
gimac
diplomatik
i look kool right? ???but don't send me mails asking for my add or phone no. and don't give it to me either 
, i'll ask u if i want it ..ok...kool 
vivian07
adedupcy
welli
mazi
:'( :'( 
humblej
Sheenor
SAmyrocko
ajose1
Toks-E
onchedu
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