Plumber:
"We repair what your husband
fixed."
Pizza shop slogan:
"7 days without pizza makes one
weak."
At a tire shop in Milwaukee:
"Invite us to your next blow
out."
Door of a plastic surgeons
office:
"Hello, can we pick your nose?"
Sign at the psychic's hotline:
"Don't call us, we'll call you."
At a laundry shop:
"How about we refund your
money, send you a new one at
no charge, close the store and
have the manager shot. Would
that be satisfactory?"
At a towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a
leg. We want tows."
Billboard on the side of the
road:
"Keep your eyes on the road
and stop reading these signs."
On an electricians truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."
In a non-smoking area:
"If we see smoking we will
assume you are on fire and take
appropriate action."
On maternity room door:
"Push, Push, Push."
At an optometrists office
"If you don't see what your
looking for you've come to the
right place."
On a taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."
In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."
On a Butchers window:
"Let me meat your needs."
On a fence:
"Salesmen welcome, dog food is
expensive."
At a car dealership:
"The best way to get back on
your feet - miss a car
payment."
Outside a muffler shop:
"No appointment necessary, we
hear you coming."
Outside a hotel:
"Help! We need inn-experienced
people."
On a desk in a reception room:
"We shoot every 3rd salesman ,
and the 2nd one just left."
In a veterinarians waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes, Sit!
Stay!"
At the electric company:
"We would be de-lighted if you
send in your bill. However, if
you don't you will be."
On the door of a computer
store:
"Out for a quick byte."
In a restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be
hungry, come on in and get fed
up."
Inside a bowling alley:
"Please be quiet, we need to
hear a pin drop."
In the front yard of a funeral
home:
"Drive carefully, we'll wait."
In a counsellors office:
"Growing old is mandatory,
growing wise is optional.
At a Santa Fe gas station:
"We will sell gasoline to anyone
in a glass container."
In a New York restaurant:
"Customers who consider our
waitresses uncivil ought to see
the manager."
On the wall of a Baltimore
estate:
"Trespassers will be prosecuted
to the full extent of the law. --
Sisters of Mercy"
On a long-established New
Mexico dry cleaners:
"38 years on the same spot."
In a Los Angeles dance hall:
"Good clean dancing every night
but Sunday."
In a Florida maternity ward:
"No children allowed."
In a New York drugstore:
"We dispense with accuracy."
In the offices of a loan company:
"Ask about our plans for owning
your home."
In a New York medical building:
"Mental Health Prevention
Center"
On a New York convalescent
home:
"For the sick and tired of the
Episcopal Church."
On a Maine shop:
"Our motto is to give our
customers the lowest possible
prices and workmanship."
At a number of military bases:
"Restricted to unauthorized
personnel."
On a display of "I love you
only" Valentine cards:
"Now available in multi-packs."
In the window of a Kentucky
appliance store:
"Don't kill your wife. Let our
washing machine do the dirty
work."
In a funeral parlor:
"Ask about our layaway plan."
In a clothing store:
"Wonderful bargains for men
with 16 and 17 necks."
In a Tacoma, Washington men's
clothing store:
"15 men's wool suits, $10. They
won't last an hour!"
On a shopping mall marquee:
"Archery Tournament -- Ears
pierced"
Outside a country shop:
"We buy junk and sell antiques."
In the window of an Oregon
store:
"Why go elsewhere and be
cheated when you can come
here?"
In a Maine restaurant:
"Open 7 days a week and
weekends."
On a radiator repair garage:
"Best place to take a leak."
In the vestry of a New England
church:
"Will the last person to leave
please see that the perpetual
light is extinguished."
In a Pennsylvania cemetery:
"Persons are prohibited from
picking flowers from any but
their own graves."
On a roller coaster:
"Watch your head."
On the grounds of a public
school:
"No trespassing without
permission."
On a Tennessee highway:
"When this sign is under water,
this road is impassable."
Similarly, in front of a New
Hampshire car wash:
"If you can't read this, it's time
to wash your car."
And apparently, somewhere in
England in an open field
otherwise
untouched by human presence,
there is a sign that says, "Do not
throw stones at this sign."
General Just2sexy
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