Steve Wright American Comedian born 1955
* Why are cigarettes sold in petrol stations when smoking is
prohibited there?
* If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
* Why is abbreviation such a long word?
* Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
* Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?
* What was the best thing before sliced bread?
* How does the guy who drives the snowplough get to work in the mornings?
* Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
* If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?
* Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
* I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
* I woke up one morning and all of my stuff had been stolen...and replaced by exact duplicates.
* Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.
* Half the people you know are below average.
* How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
* My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
* Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
* Do you think that when they asked George Washington for his ID that he just whipped out a quarter?
* How do I set my laser printer on stun?
* If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
* Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
* If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of the stuff?
* If most car accidents occur within five miles of home, why doesn't everyone just move 10 miles away?
* And whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it?
* I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
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