Naijapals, How Would You Cope With Spouse Who’s Destructive When Angry?

Published On: December 18, 2019, 10:45 pm (11 months ago)
Author: Olusanya Akinrinola

This week, our correspondents speak with some married Nigerians on how they will handle partners who go violent when angry

Olusola Olubobokun – I’ll advise her on good virtues

To cope with a spouse who is destructive in nature when angry, we need some tools to help us live peacefully. The first is patience. I tolerate her without exercising anger when offended. This is a good virtue that makes an individual to receive grace in the sight of others. Another tool is humility; this is a way of accepting and treating others better than you; you should be meek in nature. I will make her realise that anger brings destruction and disaster. I will also advise her on what to do. In conclusion, wisdom should be applied; it is the act of applying knowledge in all we do and understand the environment or state of that particular situation. These tools are very essential in any marriage.

Olu Akapo – I’ll pray for her

As a Christian, I will address the issue from Biblical perspective. In the first place, I married her with her character and traces of that must have been noticed.  So, despite the fact that we are a couple already, we learn something new about each other every day. We cannot know each other fully. Therefore, to deal with a destructive spouse, I believe in the power of prayer, I will pray for her and leave everything to God because I am now one flesh with my spouse. Shouting or beating would not help matters; it would only aggravate issues and I wouldn’t like a third party coming in between us all in the name of settling disagreements. Therefore, the only solution to a destructive partner is prayer. Prayers turn things around.

Olufemi Oyebisi – I will have to manage it

Biblically, you have been tied together by marriage and marriage should be for better or worse. Therefore, wherever you find yourself or whichever situation you find yourself, you have to manage it. It can be a very difficult task to work on someone else’s anger but if you find yourself in this situation, you just have to manage it, work on your spouse’s anger. When she gets angry, excuse her or walk away to prevent further provocation. By the time you are back home, that anger would have subsided then you can go to her, hold her in a place you know is very sensitive, give her a peck and show her you love her. By so doing, she will gain her senses back.

Biodun Adegbaju – I will exercise a lot of patience

A destructive spouse needs not to be constantly engaged in discussions until she calms down. Knowing the reasons for such act cannot be achieved early. There is always one minute madness in every man and this must be controlled. A couple once had this issue long time ago and they are still together, the lady was so angry that she broke the television  set and windscreen of one of their cars; it was not a funny case. In situations like this, I will be very patient and exercise a lot of perseverance or else that marriage will break. I strongly believe that with love and perseverance, a destructive wife or husband would change at the end of the day.

Clement Olugbemiga – I’ll talk to her, seek spiritual help

In dealing with a destructive spouse, I will need to be patient with her and will not be angry at the same time. When she is done destructing things, I will lovingly speak slowly and in a low tone with her for her to realise the damage. I will not refer to the past when discussing with her so that she will know that I genuinely have concern for her not minding the cost of the damage she has caused. If she opens up and finds herself in the situation she does not have control over, we will then seek spiritual help. I will take her to the church for her to go through deliverance as the last option. There is a spirit behind uncontrolled anger and this must be dealt with spiritually.

Ogunse Yemisi – I will avoid provoking him

Before I got married, I already knew the strength and weaknesses of my husband although I cannot know everything some of which will be displayed after wedding. So, if I then discover that being destructive is one of his weaknesses, I will love him more. I will decide not to focus on  his flaws. Another thing is that I will try not to provoke him. I will look inward at myself and see what are the things that I do that provoke him or what are the things that I say that provoke him and avoid them. So, I will make sure I avoid them to the best of my ability. If he throws things when angry, I will try and tidy up the place and will make sure I put things that can be easily destroyed in a safe place. Another thing is communication. Communication is key and it is power. I will tell him, if he loves me, and he values the marriage, he needs to work on himself. I will make him see the bigger picture; the consequences of his action and if he refuses to change, then there might just be a time for detachment from each other, not a divorce. I will call people he respects to speak to him.

Grace Ujebe – I won’t tell him directly he’s sick

If my partner is destructive, I need to be very careful when I want to bring out a solution. Someone who is destructive has a serious problem and this is not a joke at all. It is not something to play with. Although there are different things that can trigger someone to be destructive in the first place, it could be something that happens way back that he never dealt with; they never tried to go through the process of healing. It is very sensitive; I need to be very careful like I said earlier. I need to be very patient with him in proffering solutions. I won’t tell him directly that he is sick or even insist that we must go and see a counselor. I will playfully talk him into it. I love this person and that will make me to try extra hard and not give up on him because I understand he has a problem and we need to tackle it. I need to be extra caring, and even extra romantic because sometimes he may not even know he has that problem and if you tell him directly, it will just become worse. I will go far as telling him that I understand why he is behaving that way in order to quicken the healing process. However, if it gets out of hand to the extent that we can’t go out in public without him creating a scene and I have tried all means to no avail, I will quit the marriage.

Dada Bashua – I can’t cope with him if it persists

I will talk to him about it. I don’t mind if he visits a psychologist or a counselor. But before that, I will pray to God about it. It is a very big issue if he doesn’t change. It can make many things to go wrong in the marriage. There will be no peace and love in the marriage and those ingredients make a home. Now, I have not mentioned the money that will be wasted because those things that are being destroyed need to me replaced. Seriously speaking, I can’t cope with him.

Nwanochie Chiyem – I’d divorce him to have my peace

Anger is a terrible thing and can destroy our marriage. I see it as a sign of setback for anybody that is not able to manage their anger to the point that whenever they have an argument or a fight, they destroy things. If I have a partner that does that, it will be very bad because after he has destroyed those things, we will still spend money to get new ones and that is a waste of money. Now the money we would have used to do other things we will spend it on things that we are not supposed to. And this partner can also do something to destroy me emotionally, physically and physiologically. I cannot cope with such; I would rather divorce him and have my peace.

Olubodun Juilet – I’ll quit the marriage if he doesn’t change

I will need to exercise a lot of patience in that kind of marriage and pray for the spirit of patience. Sometimes, it may not be the fault of my partner; it may be a spiritual problem. That is why I will have to pray first to God about it because there is nothing He cannot change. But if it is now something that has got out of hand and it has put my life on the line, I will have to leave. If he does it every time, we will talk about it. If there is no solution, my family and his family will be involved. If everyone has tried to talk to him and he still will not listen, I can’t kill myself. A marriage needs to have peace and when this is absence, it is bad.


Posted: (11 months ago) on 18-12-2019 10:45 PM | Hero
Somebody that i will send packing for proper orientation in her parents house, and if she doesnt seize from the act....RED CARD straight

Posted: (11 months ago) on 19-12-2019 09:42 AM | Gistmaniac
Reply
he or she Will Pack and go straight... i no dey do again...

Posted: (11 months ago) on 19-12-2019 10:25 AM | Hero
Reply
avoid trouble
Posted: (11 months ago) on 19-12-2019 03:30 PM | Upcoming
Reply