The jinx that lagged Nigeria back
If the Nigeria Football Federation had been a bit more circumspect, the man called Lars Lagerback would not have been hired. This is not just because the man resigned as manager in 2009 after Sweden‘s failure to qualify for the 2010 World Cup in South Africa, or because he was hired at a very huge cost to lead Nigeria to same tournament in South Africa, but because his name should have already shown us where we would land. Nigeria didnt even go far before the name turned into a self-fulfilling prophecy.
At the risk of sounding superstitious, we believe the name ‘Lagerback’ has something to do with a the way Nigeria lagged back at the World Cup. We should have stuck with a home based coach and even though we would still have lost the turnament, we would not have lagged back so badly.
One knock to Lagerback for the jinx in his name.
Nwodo learnt from a fallen horse
When former Chairman of the Peoples Democratic Party, Chief Vincent Ogbulafor made that infamous statement that zoning was going to be adhered to in Nigeria, only a child in Nigeria‘s political affairs would not have seen his impending downfall. A similar thing happened in the days of ex-President Olusegun Obasanjo when he sent the then Chairman of the party, Audu Ogbeh, packing for saying what they don’t want to hear. In Nigeria, the only thing that sometimes change are the characters, the script stays the same.
Anyway, Ogbulafor fell and was replaced by Dr. Okwesilieze Nwodo. The new man, knowing how Nwodo’s tongue tripped him, quickly started singing that zoning was dead in Nigeria. Yet, this same Nwodo got into that office through the principle of zoning that gave the seat to South East . We know doublespeak is part of politics but because Nwodo was not so tactful about it, he gets two knocks.
Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis
A bit confusing, isn‘t it? That is the word that major dictionaries accept as the longest one. It refers to a lung disease contracted from the inhalation of very fine silica particles, specifically from a volcano. In simple medical terms, it means silicosis.
Now, if that seems a roundabout way of going by something quite simple, consider Mr. Patrick Obahiagbon. This man uses very big words, often meaningless, to contribute to debates in the House of Representatives and on television as well. Most Nigerians who listen to him do not do so for the depths of ideas because if those ism ism grammar he speaks has any, God knows it would be very difficult to access. Anybody who listens to Obahiagbon is looking for comic relief, not ideas. The lawmaker himself enjoys the attention and seems he has kept it up so that he can be the news most times.
Ordinarily, we should award this man kudos for giving us a laugh amid the various tensions of our daily existence but considering that Nigerian students have consistently recorded failures in their external exams, especially English language, we find him guilty of gasconade narcissism of megalomaniac proportions.
We have three reverberating and earth thundering knocks for him but to be fair, we will hold it in abeyance until Hon Obahiagbon can prove to us that there is a recognised dictionary he consults for all the big words he uses.
Senator sit-tight
We do not need a degree in Law to know that judicial pronouncements are not written in Greek, Latin or any other medieval language. They are written in English. So we find it highly surprising that former Senator Joy Emordi would sit tight in the hollow (sorry, hallow) chambers after an Appeal Court had sacked her and insist the court interpret its judgment.
We know Emordi was only trying to buy time and that was why she and her lawyer would become so frivolous so as to waste the time of the court and Nigerians. We find this woman guilty of the same sin being committed by other African leaders with sit tightism spirit such as Robert Mugabe of Zimbabwe and lately, Laurent Gbagbo of Cote D Ivoire. That means if she has a chance to lead a country in future, she will probably seek a tenth term if she can manage it. We give her three hard knocks for this behaviour and we hope she learns her lessons.
Papa and son did it street style
The duo of former President Olusegun Obasanjo and the ex-governor of Ekiti State, Ayodele Fayose sure deserves some hard knocks for their inability to show decorum in public last year. Both of them were reported to have engaged in a name-calling exercise in Okuku, Osun State, at a thanksgiving reception organised in honour of the sacked governor of the state, Prince Olagunsoye Oyinlola. Obasanjo was alleged to have to have started the diatribe by calling Fayose a “bastard” when the latter reportedly snubbed him after exchanging greetings with other guests present at the event. Fayose, who is not known to be a respectable gentleman in his conduct of politics, responded in kind by referring to the old man as the “father of bastards”.
We understand that the English word ‘bastard’ does a great injustice to the connotative meaning of the word. Nevertheless, the people‘s court finds them guilty of unbecoming public conduct. We however, hesitate to give an old man and former president like Obasanjo any knocks. For the embarrassment itself, the man himself has suffered enough. Elsewhere, ex-presidents give public lectures and get fat bucks. In Nigeria, they get insult. For the reasons espoused here, four hard knocks go on Fayose’s lips. By the time he goes about with swollen lips for a while, he will learn to show some restraint in public next time.
Kudos
A good cometh out of Nazareth!
An average Nigerian has conditioned his/her mind to expect something bad from the legislators. Don’t blame Nigerians, our lawmakers have consistently failed us. In the first part of these series, we gave the Federal Legislature five knocks on their collective heads. Today, we are glad that a good thing came out of a legislative arm and that is the one of Lagos state.
The Chairman, ad-hoc Committee on Finance at the Lagos State House Assembly, Mr. Olamilekan Adeola painstakingly studied the N46bn supplementary budget request sent by the governor, Babatunde Fashola and told his colleagues including the Speaker, Mr. Adeyemi Ikuforji, during a plenary session that his committee discovered that there was no correlation in the amount being requested and mode of financing it, which revealed a difference of N11bn. He said the budget analysis only showed that N10bn would be sourced through the state Internal Revenue Service and another N10bn from the federal allocation. He insisted that it left a deficit of N26bn which would be borrowed, adding that in the finance column, N15bn was stated instead of N26bn thus revealing a difference of N11bn. He further noted that it could not be a typographical error for the state might be requestingN35bn and not N46bn. His methodical analysis resulted in the return of the request to the executive arm for clarification.
It might seem as if this is not worth kudos but considering that some state legislatures do not even have the discipline or diligence to examine the budget at all, we find this little light shown by Mr. Adeola commendable. If they had stolen money, we would have been too glad to tear them apart. In that wise, we award kudos. After all, in Oyo state, the lawmakers are endorsing the governor rather than providing checks and balances.
Hon., can you please step forward and accept your two kudos?
And to the Robin Hoods…..
Not that it is much of a feat in a country where the lawmakers earn a fortune amid pauperised citizens, but the resilience of the leadership of the Nigeria Labour Congress and the Trade Union Congress,Mr. Abulwaheed Omar and Peter Esele respectively in demanding a relatively fair wage for the workers is worthy of commendation. We know that when it comes to the people they pretend to serve, our government quickly pretend they are asleep. However, these two gentlemen pressed for a minimum wage of N18, 000 which eventually saw the light of the day. Though federal and state governments are still foot dragging on its implementation, it is noteworthy that they shook down better welfare package from the government for the suffering Nigeria workers. For now, the Federal Government is still being urged to send a bill to the National Assembly so that it can enact a law making it compulsory for every employer of labour in the country to pay the wage. In fact, all of them can delay till eternity but the feat of these two gentlemen has attracted three kudos. What’s more? Perhaps we should ask them to help us press for power supply all over Nigeria.
Refused to be Caesar
The Chairman of the Independent National Electoral Commission, Prof. Attahiru Jega will also receive two kudos for being receptive to the aspiration of the electorate. After his appointment, which was greeted with overwhelming applause from Nigerians, he had hardly settled down to the allure of his comfortable office before civil right groups and concerned Nigerians mobilised to demand for a new voter register. He could have turned a deaf ear like the Roman General, Julius Caesar did to the soothsayer’s warning about the “Ides of March”, but he got up and got going. Right now, he has done away with the old one he inherited from his predecessor, Prof Maurice Iwu, which contained fictitious names.
He earns four kudos.
A pat on Utomi’s back
One of the most distressing things about Nigeria’s political scene presently is the lack of ideas and thoughts that will define the next administration. Most of the people seeking to be our leaders are coasting on ethnicity and seeking the endorsements of entertainers and religious leaders. In the midst of this bedlam of zoning and the brouhaha of consensus candidate, one man stands out and that is Professor Pat Utomi.
He has uploaded on Youtube.com, videos of developmental ideas which he is sharing with Nigerians. They are called ‘Let my people think’ and they are in series. We find this commendable because, right now, the lack of serious campaign based issues is quite worrying. It is a relief that at least, somebody knows we should be discussing issues. In fact, Utomi has said that his ideas are not necessarily for him to hoard. If he doesn‘t become president but another progressive does, he will hand over his blueprint to such a person. This attitude is so unlike a Nigerian politician . For this, we award the professor full kudos and we hope that others who are busy making cacophonous noises all over the place will take a cue from him.
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