Can I genuinely trust again my wife after she confessed to infidelity? (Page 3)

Date: 19-03-2011 4:39 pm (13 years ago) | Author: Daniel Bosai
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- brendivas at 20-03-2011 09:30 PM (13 years ago)
(f)
She was very wrong to revenge by cheating! Having eating the forbidden fruit of adultery it is questionable if can be trusted again to remain faithful against the background of her constant suspicion.
Posted: at 20-03-2011 09:30 PM (13 years ago) | Upcoming
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- kebella at 20-03-2011 09:35 PM (13 years ago)
(f)
ok

Posted: at 20-03-2011 09:35 PM (13 years ago) | Addicted Hero
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- nnennababe at 20-03-2011 10:37 PM (13 years ago)
(f)
very difficult situation indeed.....d woman no just try sha
Posted: at 20-03-2011 10:37 PM (13 years ago) | Upcoming
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- kebella at 20-03-2011 10:44 PM (13 years ago)
(f)
ok

Posted: at 20-03-2011 10:44 PM (13 years ago) | Addicted Hero
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- onyin at 20-03-2011 10:53 PM (13 years ago)
(f)
Quote from: oohio2007 on 20-03-2011 09:09 PM
Quote from: onyin on 19-03-2011 04:51 PM
i stopped reading when you talked about "you cheating as well".it takes two to tangle.you started and she concluded.match made in heaven
That means you would cheat on your husband if you find out that he has cheated on you in tha past?
no man have got any right to cheat on his wife?.if any woman chooses to take revenge on her husband "that's very good for him".cos the man deserves it.about your question,its not about me.so no comment.
Posted: at 20-03-2011 10:53 PM (13 years ago) | Hero
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- funkebii at 20-03-2011 11:54 PM (13 years ago)
(m)
u got wat u deserved...leave with d repercurtion
Posted: at 20-03-2011 11:54 PM (13 years ago) | Newbie
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- deboalabi262 at 21-03-2011 02:36 AM (13 years ago)
(m)
No, If I were you I would never trust her again. A dog would always return to its vommit....

Posted: at 21-03-2011 02:36 AM (13 years ago) | Hero
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- Rosemerry at 21-03-2011 03:22 AM (13 years ago)
(f)
Quote from: skyleo on 20-03-2011 06:06 PM
Quote from: dukkieson on 20-03-2011 04:04 AM
I can't believe what some ladies are saying here. The woman not only committed adultery like the husband but also went 4 jazz against the husband. This makes her sin double. Women do get pregnant but men don't. Paternity can be in doubt but never maternity. If she does become pregnant chances are she will pass it on to her husband. This is why adultery in a married woman is worse than that of a man. Further, in Africa a man can marry more than one wife but never more than one husband! So the idea that if your husband cheats you can also cheat to revenge is both odious and stinks to high hell - a sure marriage wrecker. 
Quote from: bittersweet on 19-03-2011 08:02 PM
Foolishness!
If she knew that she can't forgive and trust him again (logically! ),she should have divorced him instead of
her loosing her senses and doing craps like those!

When talking on forgiveness, is a very easy thing but to be trusted once again is the real point that do affects matters like this. Who will
be happy to hear it that his/her spouse has made an attempt of using any jazz against him/her. Well poster his your spouse you know her better.

How did you become life partners if you harbour any notion of adluterous revenge against him? There is even some dubious elation among some commentators that she had paid him back in his own coins. What pettiness! Such a woman is not to be trusted again.
Posted: at 21-03-2011 03:22 AM (13 years ago) | Upcoming
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- Allen-jones at 21-03-2011 03:48 AM (13 years ago)
(m)
Quote from: Rosemerry on 21-03-2011 03:22 AM
Quote from: skyleo on 20-03-2011 06:06 PM
Quote from: dukkieson on 20-03-2011 04:04 AM
I can't believe what some ladies are saying here. The woman not only committed adultery like the husband but also went 4 jazz against the husband. This makes her sin double. Women do get pregnant but men don't. Paternity can be in doubt but never maternity. If she does become pregnant chances are she will pass it on to her husband. This is why adultery in a married woman is worse than that of a man. Further, in Africa a man can marry more than one wife but never more than one husband! So the idea that if your husband cheats you can also cheat to revenge is both odious and stinks to high hell - a sure marriage wrecker. 
Quote from: bittersweet on 19-03-2011 08:02 PM
Foolishness!
If she knew that she can't forgive and trust him again (logically! ),she should have divorced him instead of
her loosing her senses and doing craps like those!

When talking on forgiveness, is a very easy thing but to be trusted once again is the real point that do affects matters like this. Who will
be happy to hear it that his/her spouse has made an attempt of using any jazz against him/her. Well poster his your spouse you know her better.

How did you become life partners if you harbour any notion of adluterous revenge against him? There is even some dubious elation among some commentators that she had paid him back in his own coins. What pettiness! Such a woman is not to be trusted again.

@ rosemerry

You took the words right out of my mouth. God bless u
Posted: at 21-03-2011 03:48 AM (13 years ago) | Upcoming
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- ajanni at 21-03-2011 08:45 AM (13 years ago)
(m)
Quote from: onyin on 20-03-2011 10:53 PM
Quote from: oohio2007 on 20-03-2011 09:09 PM
Quote from: onyin on 19-03-2011 04:51 PM
i stopped reading when you talked about "you cheating as well".it takes two to tangle.you started and she concluded.match made in heaven
That means you would cheat on your husband if you find out that he has cheated on you in tha past?
no man have got any right to cheat on his wife?.if any woman chooses to take revenge on her husband "that's very good for him".cos the man deserves it.about your question,its not about me.so no comment.

onyin , but two wrong will never make a right , and you don,t returns an evil with evil ,
Posted: at 21-03-2011 08:45 AM (13 years ago) | Grande Master
Reply
- cremey at 21-03-2011 09:48 AM (13 years ago)
(f)
time will tell! i admire d fact that u forgave her and u still want the marriage to work, shows how much u love her. please give her time, time will tell if she can still be trusted or not because u cant knw dat now. and try to put d past behind u , hope for a better future. everyone makes mistake, but u have to be very prayerful because u never knw if she will still go and find help outside. step up ur prayer life so nothng can enslave u.
Posted: at 21-03-2011 09:48 AM (13 years ago) | Newbie
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- EmmyBetty at 21-03-2011 10:52 AM (13 years ago)
(m)
To err is human but to forgive is divine. To really give an equitable contribution i will like to ask a question - If it was the man that committed the offence, would he have confessed in the first place? if he actually confessed will the wife crucified the husband and send him out of the house? i am sure its not possible. Alright, at this point i will like to say that if its possible for a wife to 4give the husband and live with him as though nothing has happened, then the husband too should be able to do the same thing by forgiving the wife and let peace reign in the home. Any home/ marriage that God is the foundation even if there's storm, they will overcome it. WHO IS THE FOUNDATION OF UR MARRIAGE & RELATIONSHIP
Posted: at 21-03-2011 10:52 AM (13 years ago) | Newbie
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- kemoprosper at 21-03-2011 10:56 AM (13 years ago)
(f)
Quote from: EmmyBetty on 21-03-2011 10:52 AM
To err is human but to forgive is divine. To really give an equitable contribution i will like to ask a question - If it was the man that committed the offence, would he have confessed in the first place? if he actually confessed will the wife crucified the husband and send him out of the house? i am sure its not possible. Alright, at this point i will like to say that if its possible for a wife to 4give the husband and live with him as though nothing has happened, then the husband too should be able to do the same thing by forgiving the wife and let peace reign in the home. Any home/ marriage that God is the foundation even if there's storm, they will overcome it. WHO IS THE FOUNDATION OF UR MARRIAGE & RELATIONSHIP

....................Nice words.....................
Posted: at 21-03-2011 10:56 AM (13 years ago) | Upcoming
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- onyimau20 at 21-03-2011 11:07 AM (13 years ago)
(f)
Infidelity is the most dangerous thing that can easily destroy a marriage. But in this case both of them are involved, so they need to forgive each other for such an unfaithful act. This man has a good heart, but it would hv been better and rewarded if u didnt start this issue of cheating on ur wife, in the first place. The best way to handle cheating in a marriage is to AVOID it. They need to forgive themselves inorder to save their marriage.
Posted: at 21-03-2011 11:07 AM (13 years ago) | Gistmaniac
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- pholake at 21-03-2011 11:27 AM (13 years ago)
(f)
Quote from: chisparlis on 20-03-2011 09:24 AM
there is no reason for me to starve my children in hunger this is the reason why i have to make plenty of wealth  before my time of marriage... Grin Grin

mean while in this situation my wife can never do it,  i will cheat her for real but if i cut her cheating on me she is either bye bye forever and she will never in her life come back to check on the kids because i won't allow her.

it is not easy to marry nowadays so all the woman should go and turn to lesbians.

And the men? Dunno why u hate women so much....u'd cheat on ur woman and she dares not cheat on u? U're a thousand joker of the century!
Posted: at 21-03-2011 11:27 AM (13 years ago) | Gistmaniac
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- purseme at 21-03-2011 11:46 AM (13 years ago)
(f)
PURSEME, Can i genuinly trust my wife after she confessed to infidelity,. once you both accepts your mistakes the problem is solved. CONGRATULATIONS.
got married to my darling wife five years ago, and it has been a wonderful relationship, up till last week. Something happened that nearly eroded the love I have for her. I’m not saying that we have not had our share of the ups and downs in marriage. With a good job, two lovely children and a peaceful home, we cannot possibly ask for more. I love my wife a lot and I respect her so much. But I received the shock of my life last week when I got to know that she was seeing another man.

I must say that I’m not a saint because occasionally, in the past, I had allowed my flesh to get the better part of me in respect of the opposite sex. Even at that, I cannot be labelled a Casanova. The truth is that I had cheated on her before but unfortunately, she found out, although I was not caught in the act. Need I say that since then, she no longer trusted me?

Whenever I came home late from work or went out with friends, the look on her face and her actions suggested that I had just left the bosom of another woman. Sometimes, I reacted angrily to her gestures but at other times, I understood her plight. I took it that her reaction could be a result of her lack of trust in me.

There was a time I had to swear to her by the Holy book to prove my innocence that I was not having an affair with a friend of hers. She just came up with this idea that we were having an affair.

In spite of all of these, we always managed the situation and it did not reduce the love I have for her. I have faced several cases of wrong allegations of infidelity. There is nothing she demanded from me that I refused her, even if it had to be done at a later time.

So genuine was the love I feel for her that whenever she was not happy, it became a source of worry to me. I never got relief until her mood was right. As a result of this, it appeared as if my world was crashing when I found out about her escapade with a man close to her place of work.

Some months ago, I introduced my wife to a pastor friend. But I was surprised to hear from him that she later went back to him to ask for a spiritual solution that would make ladies detest her husband; so much that he would not have the guts to make advances at them.

A few days before I discovered this, I had a dream that my wife was carrying a pregnancy that was not mine. Of course, I dismissed the dream as an impossibility. I need to add at this juncture that I trusted Tejumola so much that I gave her the liberty to go wherever she wanted and I never doubted her; even when she returned home late.

I have never bothered myself to ask her friends about her whereabouts. She was free to go out with her friends. But one day, I felt that something was amiss when we slept together. Of course, I discovered that her private area felt differently. It was as if she had just had several rounds of segxwal intercourse before returning home. I noticed the difference, but there was nothing to cry about since I did not hold any concrete evidence.

It was when I narrated my dream to someone that I heard of her escapades. The man of God that I earlier mentioned said he told my wife that what she was asking for was possible, but that she must preserve herself for her husband. He told her that failure to keep her side of the deal could spell disaster.

With that, my wife promised to come back after giving the issue a second thought; but she did not show up again. I may never have known had she returned to the man. He told me that he was not telling me these things to destroy my home, but he feared that my wife may have gone elsewhere to seek help, since she sensed that he was reluctant to do it for her. He felt that it was better for us to talk about the situation so that a lasting solution could be sought.

For the avoidance of doubt, he called my wife in my presence, put the phone on speaker mode, and I heard her telling him that she would soon come around to see him on the matter. Upon further enquiry during the conversation, I heard my wife confirm to him that she had sex with a man against his warning.

I was shocked and my heartbeat increased. I could not believe my ears and it was a miracle that I drove home safely that day. Before I left his place, I assured the pastor that I would handle the issue with maturity and that I would not do anything stupid.

Believe me, that was one of the saddest days of my life. This is the same person I trusted so much. Someone I went out of my way to please; that made life difficult for me whenever I returned late from work.

That is the woman that flaunted my perceived infidelity before my face at every opportunity; a situation of a pot calling kettle black. I wept.

You may ask what I did thereafter, but the situation of things remained the same as it was before the issue came up. Divorce is never an option or any other punishment. The reason was that I had cheated on her before and what about the future of my wonderful children? I cannot trade off their happiness for anything. If you care to know, I have not mentioned the issue to anybody and I will not. The reason is that her shame is mine too. Her sorrow is mine. As a Yoruba adage puts it, ‘Ko si bi a o se peri isu ti akoni pe ti ikoko ti a fise.’ She may have made a greater mistake, but I believe that she needs a second chance.

When she sensed that danger was knocking, she confessed to me on the day after she returned from the pastor’s place. We both wept sorely. She could not come up with any reason for her action than to say that her friend led her into it.

She begged for forgiveness and assured me that such would never happen again. I believe her and I have forgiven her but it is easier to forgive than to forget.

My concern is this: Can I really believe that there is an end to this affair from her end? How am I really sure that she will keep to her promise? How can I vouch for her that she would not approach another spiritualist in the future for a wrong I may do to her?

To have approached a spiritualist for such an issue is a manifestation of a desperate and selfish mind.

However, regardless of what happened, I still love my wife; I still want to trust her and continue to respect her.

We’re going on a five-day vacation abroad and I believe that by the time we get back, we would have put the issue behind us.

I want my home intact; but I can’t read her



Source: Punch Newspaper
[/quote]
Posted: at 21-03-2011 11:46 AM (13 years ago) | Newbie
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- abbeyy74 at 21-03-2011 01:08 PM (13 years ago)
(f)
Quote from: chisparlis on 20-03-2011 09:24 AM
there is no reason for me to starve my children in hunger this is the reason why i have to make plenty of wealth  before my time of marriage... Grin Grin

mean while in this situation my wife can never do it,  i will cheat her for real but if i cut her cheating on me she is either bye bye forever and she will never in her life come back to check on the kids because i won't allow her.

it is not easy to marry nowadays so all the woman should go and turn to lesbians.
with ur comments o boi i guess u are not married and not even close 2 the stage sef,but it will be better  if u change ur idea and go 4 marriage council before u plan marrige o becos if u carry dis ur idea enter marrital life den i can bet u will change wife like 50 times before u know whats up.and as 4 dis ur idea of I WILL NOT LET HER CHECK ON THE CHILDREN AGAIN i guess it will be better 4 u to remain in ur local bush area of nigeriao,becos not in every part of nigeria u can try that not 2 talk of europe here or otherwise pray make u no mit crazs woman if not may be na u no go even see the children again sef until when dem go come becos of GOD check on u by themself when they grow up.
Posted: at 21-03-2011 01:08 PM (13 years ago) | Gistmaniac
Reply
- abbeyy74 at 21-03-2011 01:28 PM (13 years ago)
(f)
Quote from: EmmyBetty on 21-03-2011 10:52 AM
To err is human but to forgive is divine. To really give an equitable contribution i will like to ask a question - If it was the man that committed the offence, would he have confessed in the first place? if he actually confessed will the wife crucified the husband and send him out of the house? i am sure its not possible. Alright, at this point i will like to say that if its possible for a wife to 4give the husband and live with him as though nothing has happened, then the husband too should be able to do the same thing by forgiving the wife and let peace reign in the home. Any home/ marriage that God is the foundation even if there's storm, they will overcome it. WHO IS THE FOUNDATION OF UR MARRIAGE & RELATIONSHIP
best comment so far
Posted: at 21-03-2011 01:28 PM (13 years ago) | Gistmaniac
Reply
- kerryniyi at 21-03-2011 01:34 PM (13 years ago)
(m)
Bros na waa 4u ooo. u started the atrocity but it is not enough 4 your wife to pay back. both of u lack the fear of GOD. both of u need the word of GOD to make things again. both of u should meet pastor 4 counselling.
Posted: at 21-03-2011 01:34 PM (13 years ago) | Upcoming
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- esonu at 21-03-2011 03:38 PM (13 years ago)
(m)
peeped

Posted: at 21-03-2011 03:38 PM (13 years ago) | Hero
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