These perceptions about masculinity and femininity have significantly affected the socio-cultural beliefs and attitudes of men and women in Igboland. To Acholonu (1995:6), the Igbo operate a dual sex hierarchy in which ‘men and women exist in parallel and complementary positions and roles within the society’, but this does not erase the general view that men are superior and women are inferior. This basic perception about men and women defines the socio-cultural beliefs and the practices of the average Igbo. Even within such seemingly simple acts as naming a child, play types, and dietary values, the superiority and inferiority dichotomy are glaringly observed.
Myth provides the basis for men’s exploitation of women in various contexts of relationship. It should be noted that the institution of polygamy always thrives in patriarchal societies. The Igbo man is thus conditioned to believe he is a conqueror of lesser mortals like “weak” men (in terms of wealth, physical prowess, etc.) and especially over women who he regards as infinitely inferior to him. Many myths celebrate men’s physical strength side by side the commodification of women.
This can be seen in traditional and modern Igbo communities where a man’s wealth is not only measured by the amount of money he has, but also by the number of wives he possesses. In contemporary times, one observes a large number of Igbo men concentrating their energies on trade and enterprise, while Igbo women gain more interest in higher education. It is a source of pride, therefore, for an uneducated Igbo businessman to “win the hand” of a fairly or very educated Igbo woman in marriage. A wealthy man, they believe, is one who is rich enough to be able to “buy” a woman of a high status. Such marriages of unequal bedfellows are becoming common among the Igbo.
Women and men are conditioned with myths that equate marriage with happiness. For women especially, marriage is a must. No matter the level of academic success, a woman who is not married cannot claim to be accomplished. Much emphasis is also placed on bearing children. A childless woman is always held in contempt and is the object of jokes and insults. Yet, women as wives put a cloak of honour and responsibility on their husbands. A married man, especially one with several wives, is accorded much respect and honour, and sometimes chosen to be in charge of some sensitive responsibilities in his community. In the Igbo society, the man is the head, while the woman is the tail. The man’s word is law. Several myths, folktales, proverbs and socio-cultural practices attest to this.
This reality manifests in the act of surnaming. A child must bear the father’s or grandfather’s name in every positive situation. But if otherwise,
-Ajo nwa naaza aha nne ya (a bad child answers his or her mother’s name).
Some scholars have stressed that Igbo women are positively portrayed, as seen in the names they bear. One of such names is Nneka, meaning “mother is supreme”.
However, Chinua Achebe in his first novel, ‘Things Fall Apart’, uses one of the male characters, Uchendu, as his mouthpiece to query some of the inconsistencies involved in negating all women, and at the same time pretending otherwise by glorifying mothers:
We all know that a man is the head of the family and his wives do his bidding. A child belongs to its fatherland and not to his motherland. And yet we say Nneka – ‘mother is supreme’! Why is that? (pp. 121-2) Several novels by Igbo authors like Achebe, Elechi Amadi, Flora Nwapa, etc, have extensively portrayed the negativity ascribed to women. For example, in terms of fertility, a woman is not only expected to bear children, but mostly male children. Perhaps, as a way of reflecting this preference for male children, some Igbo name their girl-children, Nwaanyibunwa, “a female is as good a child as the male”. Though the assertion is positive, it nonetheless indicates that there is a cultural query on the female child.
It is a fact that some families are made up of only female children. Though the man mourns his misfortune, he takes solace in the Igbo practice of the payment of dowry by the husband-to-be to the family of the wife-to-be. So, even though he does not have an heir apparent that will massage his patriarchal ego and keep his name alive, the wealth he acquires, in terms of material possessions and money from the dowry that will be paid to him for giving his daughter away, serves as a source of comfort. The monetary gain expected from female children is depicted by some of the names they bear:
Nwaanyibuihe - The female sex is valuable Adabuaku _ A daughter brings wealth Akunna _ Father’s wealth.
When it comes to the issue of infertility, the patriarchal community reserves some grace for the man – if he is the one that is impotent. He can, to cover up his feelings of embarrassment, shame, and impotence, arrange for his wife to be impregnated by a secret lover whose identity must never be disclosed to anyone. For the barren woman, however, there is no hiding, no saving grace. She is barren, and it stays like that for all to see.
As earlier stated, the Igbo take the institution of marriage seriously. Through marriage especially, people are conditioned to promote the socio-cultural status quo so that peace and harmony, conceived in patriarchal terms, would continue to reign in the community. Many proverbs encourage men and women to marry. To the Igbo, a married man or woman is seen as being responsible. These are some of the proverbs that encourage men to marry:
-Okokporo si na ahia ekwoghi ekwo o,
umu ya ha di ole n’ahia?
(If a bachelor complains that the market is not full,
how many of his children are there?) In this proverb, an unmarried man is advised to get married and have children.
-Okorobia luo nwaanyi ndimmuo amara (When a young man gets married, the spirit visits him) It is only when a man is married that visitors from the spirit realm will bless his union with children.
-Okokporo chupu oke n’ulo ya na onye ebiri?
(If the bachelor chases away the rat from his house, who will live with him?) These proverbs urge young men to get married so that they can beget children, have company, and enjoy divine visitation. The only threat one can decipher from analysing the proverbs above is that a man who is not willing to get married should brace himself up for a life of loneliness.
One gets a completely different picture from the proverbs that have to do with women and marriage:
-Agbogho hokaria di ya aluo eke mmuo (If a maiden is too particular in choosing a husband, she will marry the spirit python).
This proverb warns the woman to marry on time, even if the husband-to-be is not the one she really desires. She is to accept wholeheartedly the “community’s choice” of a husband over her own preference.
-Agbogho luo di abuo ya ahoro nke ka ya mma.
(If a young woman marries two husbands, she will choose the better of the two).
Here, the proverb “comforts” a maiden who has had the misfortune of marrying a husband of her own choice against her parents’ wishes. By the time she eventually returns to marry her parents’ choice, she would be much wiser.
-Agbogho ngaghari ngaghari anaghi anogide na di (A flirtatious maiden does not remain in matrimony).
This sexist proverb creates fear and offers no comfort to its target audience. It is issued as a warning to young women, who are still active, intelligent and inquisitive to desist from keeping male friends, be they platonic or intimate, outside the matrimonial home.
A successful marriage is highly regarded in the Igbo community. If a marriage disintegrates, the woman loses all forms of respect and becomes the butt of cruel jokes and amusement among family members as well as peers. On the contrary, however, society expects the man to be flirtatious in order to woo and win many women as wives.
The proverb thus offers no comfort to wives who experience psychological and emotional trauma from their husbands. They are to remain perpetually patient in their suffering not only for the children’s sake, but also for the purpose of being seen as points of reference whenever successful marriages are discussed.
Some other Igbo proverbs portray women as greedy, frivolous, miserly, and selfish:
-Anu kwuru n’oku, nwanyi ejebe ozi ezighi ezi (When meat is roasting over a fire, the woman suddenly becomes over-agreeable and eager to serve and please).
-Nwanyi lelia diya, ekwu akpo ya nku (A woman who disrespects or disregards her husband becomes wretched and destitute).
Nwanyi kaba nka, odika ejighiaku luo ya (As a woman grows old, it seems as if her marriage was not contracted with great wealth).
The above proverbs support a general belief that women become less beautiful and appealing as they grow older.
-Asiri guba nwanyi, obulie ekwu oku ya (When a woman wants to gossip, she carries her hearth along with her).
Here, women are seen as frivolous and gossips.
-Ji gwu n’oba, nwayi azaba oku ike (When there are no yams in the barn,
the woman becomes hostile and insubordinate).
This proverb portrays women as calculating, greedy and pretentious.
-Agbogho gaa ajo ije, ya akpaa nku e doro ihe (If a young woman wanders aimlessly,
she will gather the firewood preserved with a spell).
This particular proverb warns inquisitive and adventurous young women to desist from the temptation of wanting to try out new ideas or practices. Instead, they should be contented with what is in practice (i.e. tradition), for the good of all.
-Okorobia nwannyi naafuru oja mmuo aja na-awu (The young man whose praise flute is blown by a woman jumps over the mud fence of the spirits).
The above proverb advises men to be wary of taking advice from women – be it from their mothers, sisters, aunts, or wives – as such will always lead them into danger. They should be more wary of receiving praises from women as such praises are often not sincere and can mislead them. The proverb further re-states the patriarchal belief that women are emotional and illogical.
Though these proverbs might seem old-fashioned, they are also much in vogue and serve as the basis upon which new proverbs and sayings that undermine women are created. The dynamism that defines development in society has also equipped the creators of proverbs to be more adept at coining new ones: either re-crafting the old proverbs in “new” ways that reflect contemporary experience, or forming new ones entirely. Whichever way, however, the results are the same: women are essentially evil and negative. These become reflected in many programmes and drama presentations on television, in popular magazines, indigenous and contemporary music, etc.
The harsh economic experience of the country since the early 1980s has led to the emergence of more women as breadwinners in their families. The austerity measures adopted by various Nigerian governments drastically affected many men in the formal waged sector. Since most women are concentrated in the informal sector, the onus “naturally” falls on them to become the financiers of their families. In this type of situation that has become quite common, one finds men becoming more aggressive, unnecessarily sensitive, overbearing, and rude. Some men even resort to physically battering their wives as a way of [re]asserting their headship of the family.
Though one cannot excuse the excesses of some women who find themselves in new positions of power and authority that come with being the breadwinners of their homes, the psychological trauma of women who shoulder the heavy responsibilities of being wives, mothers, and now “heads” of their families cannot be wished away. Many women in this type of situation go out of their way to be extra careful in their relationship with their husbands by making them feel that they (the men) are in control, in spite of some contrary realities. This is domestic diplomacy and there is not much that is wrong with it.
However, there is everything questionable about a man who does not appreciate the efforts of his wife at maintaining the patriarchal status quo. There is everything wrong with a society that encourages its men to take a malicious delight in belittling the complementary efforts of women who are constantly reminded that:
A naghi ekunyere nkita abuo mmiri n’otu eju (You do not put water in one jug for two dogs).
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