Women's Point System

Date: 17-12-2008 2:07 am (15 years ago) | Author: yusuf mustapha
[1] 2
- at 17-12-2008 02:07 AM (15 years ago)
(m)


In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy.

Do something she likes & you get points. Do something she dislikes & points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the point system...

 

Simple Duties
You make the bed...................................................+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows..........0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets........................-1
You leave the toilet seat up.......................................-5
You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty...................0
When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex........-1
When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom..-2
You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light pantyliners with wings.......+5
But return with beer...............................................-5
You check out a suspicious noise at night...........................0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing...................0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's something................+5
You pummel it with a six iron.....................................+10
It's her father...................................................-10

 

Your Physique
You develop a noticeable potbelly...........-15
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it...+10
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts..........-5

 

Finances
You spend a lot of money on something impractical............-5
Something she can't use...................-10
Such as a motorized model airplane..............-20
And she got a small appliance for her birthday.............-40

 

Driving
You lost the directions on a trip..............-4
You lost the directions and end up getting lost..............-10
You end up getting lost in a bad part of town........-15
You get lost in a bad part of town and meet the locals up close and personal.........-25
You know them.........-60

 

The Big Question
She asks, "Do I look fat?".................-5
(Sensitive questions always start with a deficit)
You hesitate in responding............-10
You reply, "Where?"...........-35

 

Communication
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression......0
When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes..........+5
You listen for more than 30 min. without looking at the TV........+10
She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep.............-20

Social Engagements
You stay by her side the entire party..........0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy........-2
Named Tiffany....................-4
Tiffany is a dancer...................-6
Tiffany has implants...................-8
When mingling, you hold your mate's hand and gaze at her lovingly...........+1
When mingling, you introduce her as "the ol' ball and chain" and pat her on the rump..........-5
When your mate points toward a hot-looking woman and asks you if you think she is attractive, you say, "Yes, but nowhere near as attractive as you"................+1
When your mate points to a woman and asks if you think she's attractive, you say, "Yeah, but she's lousy in bed"......-6
That woman is her sister....................-90
You have one drink, and that's it................0
You have more than a few & perform the tango with a poodle.........-2
You have a lot of drinks, vaguely remember being fingerprinted....-18

Saturday Afternoon
You go to the mall together.....................+3
You go to the mall, drop her off at the entrance, then park the car....................+4
You go to the mall, drop her off at the entrance, then drive to a sports bar...................-2
You spend the day shopping for furniture and pretend to like it....+3
You spend the day shopping for furniture, and nap on a sectional....0
You spend the day at a wholesale club, buying in bulk .............+3
Most of it chips and beer ..............-6
You tackle a large household project, such as painting the den............+15
Or refinishing the floors......................+16
Or rewiring the basement....................+17
Or adding a second floor................+18
Or setting up a Nerf Ball hoop over the bathroom wastebasket.......-6
And you're tickled pink about it.....................-15
You visit her parents.....................0
You visit her parents and actually make conversation ..............+3
You visit her parents and stare vacantly at the television ........-3
And the television is off........................-6
You spend the afternoon watching college football in your underwear...........-6
And you didn't even go to college..............-10
And it's not your underwear....................-15

Her Birthday
You take her out to dinner....................0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar...............+1
Okay, it is a sports bar.........................-2
And it's all-you-can-eat night....................-3
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team.......-10
You go to a nice, pricey restaurant & hire a guitar player.........+3
You go to a pricey restaurant, hire a guitar player and get up and sing.............................+4
If you stink.............................+2
If you're not half bad........................+5
You get up and sing a Barry Manilow song, and you're escorted out to much applause...........-2
You give her a gift........................0
You give her a gift and it's a small appliance.............-10
You give her a gift and it's not a small appliance ...........+1
You give her a gift, and it isn't chocolate..................+2
You give her a gift that you'll be paying off for months..........+30
You wait until the last minute and buy her a gift that day........-10
With her credit card...............-30
And whatever you bought is two sizes too big..........-40

Thoughtfulness
You forget her birthday completely.......................-20
You forget your anniversary.....................-30
You forget to pick her up at the bus station...........-45
Which is in Newark, New Jersey...................-50
And the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast.............-60

A Night Out With The Boys
Go out with a pal ...........................-5
And the pal is happily married ...................-4
Or frighteningly single ....................-7
And he drives a Mustang....................-10
With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED)...............-15
You have a few beers.................-9
And miss curfew by an hour.................-12
You miss curfew by an hour and you didn't call....................-20
You get home at 3 am....................-30
You get home at 3 am smelling of booze and cheap cigars...........-40
And not wearing any pants......................-50
Is that a tattoo??.................-200

Her Night Out
You stay home while she goes out with her annoying friend from work...................+5
She goes out with her annoying work friends, and she comes home late.................+10
You wait up.......................+15
She goes out, comes home late and drunk, and you put her to bed..........+20

A Night At Home
You watch TV together.................0
You rent a movie...............+2
You rent a movie and it's SENSE & SENSIBILITY...................+3
It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you stay awake throughout.............+5
It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you fall asleep.......................-1
It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you fall asleep and drool.............-2

A Night Out
You take her to a movie........................+2
You take her to a movie she likes...................+4
You take her to a movie you hate ...................+6
You take her to a movie you like.................-2
It's called DeathCop 3.......................-3
Which features cyborgs having sex..................-9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans...........-15

Flowers
You buy her flowers only when it's expected........................ 0
You buy her flowers as a surprise, just for the hell of it........+20
You give her wildflowers you've actually picked yourself..........+30
And she contracts Lyme disease....................................-25

Posted: at 17-12-2008 02:07 AM (15 years ago) | Newbie
- onyinyenaija at 17-12-2008 06:33 AM (15 years ago)
(f)
Too long.....
Posted: at 17-12-2008 06:33 AM (15 years ago) | Gistmaniac
Reply
- emmie at 17-12-2008 03:32 PM (15 years ago)
(f)
brb to complete it
Posted: at 17-12-2008 03:32 PM (15 years ago) | Newbie
Reply
- rezimero at 17-12-2008 04:20 PM (15 years ago)
(m)
funny oh. but is this joke for the african man especially the one from naija? because this na oyibo joke o
Posted: at 17-12-2008 04:20 PM (15 years ago) | Gistmaniac
Reply
- lylawal at 17-12-2008 05:29 PM (15 years ago)
(m)
lol... too long thou!
Posted: at 17-12-2008 05:29 PM (15 years ago) | Newbie
Reply
- Kennycynth at 17-12-2008 06:31 PM (15 years ago)
(f)
guy dis is too long
Posted: at 17-12-2008 06:31 PM (15 years ago) | Gistmaniac
Reply
- herdeysohjy at 19-12-2008 02:18 PM (15 years ago)
(m)
too long........................................................
Posted: at 19-12-2008 02:18 PM (15 years ago) | Gistmaniac
Reply
- segxi at 19-12-2008 02:36 PM (15 years ago)
(m)
2 long
Posted: at 19-12-2008 02:36 PM (15 years ago) | Gistmaniac
Reply
- tuneks at 19-12-2008 04:19 PM (15 years ago)
(f)
long tin
Posted: at 19-12-2008 04:19 PM (15 years ago) | Newbie
Reply
- mudiagaOsahon at 19-12-2008 05:51 PM (15 years ago)
(m)
I did noot read it, why? its 2  long
Posted: at 19-12-2008 05:51 PM (15 years ago) | Newbie
Reply
- rezimero at 23-12-2008 03:17 PM (15 years ago)
(m)
Quote from: mudiagaOsahon on 19-12-2008 05:51 PM
I did noot read it, why? its 2  long

mudiaga talk true. you sabi read?
Posted: at 23-12-2008 03:17 PM (15 years ago) | Gistmaniac
Reply
- HIGHD at 23-12-2008 06:56 PM (15 years ago)
(m)
wen next u come across a story like dis,dont just copy and paste,try reshuffle.TOO LONG
Posted: at 23-12-2008 06:56 PM (15 years ago) | Newbie
Reply
- segxi at 24-12-2008 12:38 PM (15 years ago)
(m)
ok
Posted: at 24-12-2008 12:38 PM (15 years ago) | Gistmaniac
Reply
- howmuch at 26-12-2008 04:30 PM (15 years ago)
(m)
PEOPLE!!! lets all cultivate the habit of reading!!!
Posted: at 26-12-2008 04:30 PM (15 years ago) | Newbie
Reply
- Sillyjokker at 27-12-2008 10:34 AM (15 years ago)
(f)
Quote from: howmuch on 26-12-2008 04:30 PM
PEOPLE!!! lets all cultivate the habit of reading!!!
Grin Grin

Posted: at 27-12-2008 10:34 AM (15 years ago) | Gistmaniac
Reply
- herdeysohjy at 27-12-2008 01:13 PM (15 years ago)
(m)
what is this?
Posted: at 27-12-2008 01:13 PM (15 years ago) | Gistmaniac
Reply
- onyinyenaija at 27-12-2008 01:16 PM (15 years ago)
(f)
it's a long thing...
Posted: at 27-12-2008 01:16 PM (15 years ago) | Gistmaniac
Reply
- segxi at 27-12-2008 05:06 PM (15 years ago)
(m)
na wa o
Posted: at 27-12-2008 05:06 PM (15 years ago) | Gistmaniac
Reply
- rezimero at 27-12-2008 08:10 PM (15 years ago)
(m)
una too lazy to read
Posted: at 27-12-2008 08:10 PM (15 years ago) | Gistmaniac
Reply
- segxi at 27-12-2008 11:06 PM (15 years ago)
(m)
the thing dey quite long now
Posted: at 27-12-2008 11:06 PM (15 years ago) | Gistmaniac
Reply
[1] 2

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