MEN:Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us griping about you leaving it down.
response: U don’t gripe bcos u also need it down when u want to crap!!
Men:Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
response:That’s fine by us! Will buy only cuff links for the rest of our married life!
MEN:Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
response:Ok then! Pls know we also think about other men and their body parts!
MEN:Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
response:Night=Sex! And must be between the hours of 9 and 11!! We need our sleep!
MEN:Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.
response:Fine! Pls make sure u maintain ur facial hair (post marriage) and it makes kissing a forest batting activity
MEN:Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
response:And so is Sex!!!
MEN:Crying is blackmail.
response:But u have to admit it is a great tool!!
MEN:Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
response:The hints are to help ur understanding, power of retention and stroke ur egos!!
MEN:We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
response:See what I mean by power of retention!
MEN:Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
response:We apologize for this and will now refer more complex questions to the dog or mirror
MEN:Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. Especially when it concerns your family
Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
Response:That is bcos we have already solved it and just want u to know about the problem
MEN:A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
response:Really! Most times u r the cause of the headache!
MEN:Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
response:We will take this advisement and keep the argument frequency to every 6 days
MEN:If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.
response:Same thing when u think ur hair is falling out
MEN:If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
response:If we said something that both interpretations hurt..WE MEANT BOTH!!
MEN:You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
response:Fine! Finally owned up to the fact that u cannot multi-task!
MEN:Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
response:Whenever possible pls demand for sex when I am AWAKE!
MEN:Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
response:See how long it took him to make ONE discovery!!!
MEN:The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.
response:Just trying to remind ourselves how wonder life was THEN!!
ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
response:Again we apologize as we overlooked your reduced mental capacity!
MEN:If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
response:So why are u upset when compared to a dog??
MEN:We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
response:Ok then! We r not cooks and giving u the same meal every day does mean we love u any less!
MEN:If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. “
response:Nothing” means we need time to best simplify your actions in a manner that u will understand!!
MEN:If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
response:In that case don’t ask me how I feel about ur mother
When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
response:Really.Great! You can take my outfits for your family’s functions
MEN:Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
response: Same here!
MEN:You have enough clothes.
response:Not true!
MEN:You have too many shoes.
response: Just jealous!
MEN:Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.)
response: Validates why u have reduced mental capacity
MEN:It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together.
response: No, it doesn't matter which quiz. Just trying to help with ur problem!
MEN:I am in shape. ROUND is a shape.
response:Imagine phyuking one!
MEN:Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping.
response:Great! The bed will be all mine and the vibrator will be just fine!
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terryworld
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