IBB: You know old comrades always come together no matter what!
BABA IYABO: You are right IBB, but what about these civilians… especially you Atiku
GOODLUCK: It’s the same matter that brought the three of us to visit you sir!
BABA IYABO: Ehen? When am about to eat pounded yam and my favorite bitter-leaf soup? Okay o! As long as you guys don’t disturb me when am eating
ATIKU: We will try not to disturb when the food is served
IBB: But you have not even asked us what brought us here
BABA IYABO: Eh! It’s because my mind is on the bitter-leaf soup, you should know I don’t joke it with. By the way it was prepared by my new catch! She is just 25, you should see her. You know my wife is dead shey?
ATIKU: Yes we know, but the problem that brought us can’t wait it is very urgent!
BABA IYABO: And I should forget the bitter-leaf soup because of the problem shey?
IBB: Of cause not, we know you don’t joke with bitter-leaf soup
BABA IYABO: So what are you waiting for Goodluck? Spill it!
ATIKU: It’s about the new phenomenon sweeping the country?
BABA IYABO: Mogbe! That is impossible I mean Japan is so far from here so how could the radiation get into this country?
GOODLUCK: Not Japan sir, I mean the tsunami sweeping across the country
BABA IYABO: Apart from Japan , there has not been any recent tsunami that I know of
ATIKU: He is talking about the BB tsunami spreading like plague at an alarming rate!
BABA IYABO: Buhari? Bakare? And that’s why you came to disturb me when am about to eat my special bitter-leaf soup prepared by my sweet 16!
GOODLUCK: Sixteen? Is that not illegal? I thought you just said she was 25?
ATIKU: She is 25 quiet alright, but we call young girls sweet sixteen!
BABA IYABO: I never believe I will say this, but THANK YOU Atiku! By the way IBB are you also afraid of BB?
GOODLUCK: Sorry sir, but at the rate they are going they might,
BABA IYABO: Don’t ever interrupt me again when I am speaking or I will ask IBB to give you some military training right now!
IBB: its not like I am afraid of them, but if BUHARI becomes president don’t you think he will come after us for corruption?
ATIKU: That is what I am afraid of.
BABA IYABO: Of cause, you should be afraid Atiku! You stole too much money ke!
ATIKU: No just me alone!
BABA IYABO: Oh! So you want to compare yourself with IBB and myself abi? Now tell me, were you in the military? And are you a general for crying out loud
GOODLUCK: He was in the Customs sir!
BABA IYABO: And that makes him a military man shey? Olodo! Oya tell me if he also fought in the War?! I should have known the first time I saw your face, you are not smart at all Goodluck I truly regret installing you, because you are not smart at all
GOODLUCK: Tunde Bakare’s SNG helped too sir!
BABA IYABO: When Queen Turai was treating you like her houseboy shey? All these happened because you are not a strong man! I should have installed an ex military man! Nigerians love strong people! The other day you were shaking because a little girl from CNN was interviewing you. Didn’t you see my own interview? I told the British boy straight to his face that his questions were silly! Same with IBB, nobody can intimidate us. Anyway as your father, I will still make sure you retain your post after the elections but you must be strong shogbo?
ATIKU: But what if BB wins, what are we going to do?
BABA IYABO: Has Mr FIX-IT left our dear party? I said we will take care of it!
GOODLUCK: But how is that going to be possible if BB wins? They have instructed their supporters to go to the pooling stations with petrol and matches and if JEGA boys try to rig in our favor they should light them up!
BABA IYABO: Action man! I trust BUHARI, you see we military men don’t take nonsense, we are ready for war at any time and that was why nobody dared me when I was ruling. Anyway now that you know all these, what have you done to convince the people that you are the best man for the job?
GOODLUCK: Ermmmm!!!! Emm! Em!
IBB: But they gave you opportunities to sell yourself to the public through debates
BABA IYABO: I hope you didn’t take that your EMBLERA wife with you to the debates?
ATIKU: Actually he has not attended any debates yet and he is not planning to attend any
BABA IYABO: Goodluck, are you also afraid of talking to your own people? I mean this is not the CNN little girl o!
GOODLUCK: They will ask what I have done since I became the president, especially on corruption and I am afraid I don’t have any answer for,
BABA IYABO: So why haven’t you arrested anybody for corruption? During my time I arrested IG Tafa Balogun, I had the NafDac Woman working hard on fake drugs, Okonjo Iweala was on board working hard too. What have you been doing Goodluck? I mean why didn’t you arrest that Charge and bail Lawyer called Anakonda self!
GOODLUCK: Aondoakaa sir!
IBB: This is not time for names correction, you should be listening to Baba’s advice
BABA IYABO: Leave him IBB, I don’t blame him at all. He has big mouth when it comes to me, yet he is afraid to even speak to his own people and has nothing to show for one year of ruling
GOODLUCK: I speak to them on Facebook sir!
BABA IYABO: Are you the one writing those things? You were given opportunity to speak directly to them but you ran away
ATIKU: I wish you had installed me instead!
BABA IYABO: You ke? so that you can loot our treasury dry! No thank you! I prefer a clueless Goodluck to you Atiku.
GOODLUCK: Thank you sir! …, But I am still afraid that if BB wins, and we steal their votes all those angry Abokis will burn up the North and instead of the army to allow the country plunge into civil war, they will take over and we will be back to the military days
BABA IYABO: Then you better think of attending the remaining debates, and arresting some people like Anakonda so that Nigerians will know you have Balls, because if the military takes over, IBB and I will be safe. We take care of our own but as for civilians like you and Atiku it will be hell… Anyway my pounded yam and bitter-leaf soup is ready… IBB please join me, Atiku and Goodluck wait for us here. By the time I finish eating I will have enough strength to think of a good strategy for your problem… Shey it is good to have a godfather that you can cry to eh? OYA LAUGH SMALL Jare!
…….To be Continued
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