![-]( "oliyide") oliyide at 22-01-2012 02:54 PM (12 years ago)  (m) some time most X help each other when they are in trouble ooo. for women is not advisable because most women cant controll their urg. but for men the percentage that would stick to their word of being married, is very high compare that of a women. so for women is No. while for men yes but with carefullness.
I don't agree with you as per men holding back better than women. When women see the light and commit they don't easily uncommit. That said I think is it better to stay away from ex's except there is a child involved. It is not healthy. You can't be extra careful. When the agro catch u finish you go come blame am on the devil abi. make we steer clear abeg. | Posted: at 22-01-2012 02:54 PM (12 years ago) | Newbie | |
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![-]( "oliyide") oliyide at 22-01-2012 02:58 PM (12 years ago) (m) Why not? I will not have a problem with it ,unless she gives me a reason to.
I once thought this way but my brother the thing go burn you sooner than you can imagine especially if you deeply love and trust her. It is not healthy especially if they have been segxwally active together in the past. sofery sofery bro. | Posted: at 22-01-2012 02:58 PM (12 years ago) | Newbie | |
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![-]( "oliyide") oliyide at 22-01-2012 02:59 PM (12 years ago) (m) is too bad my people use to say , old fire wood easily cache fire
Gbam .. this is a good expression to answer the question. You go don do am finish before your eyes clear. | Posted: at 22-01-2012 02:59 PM (12 years ago) | Newbie | |
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![-]( "Prinzce") Prinzce at 22-01-2012 03:08 PM (12 years ago) (m) Why won`t she keep friends, maintain her old friends and get into new friendship?
is she your slave like in the old Africa?
she ist only a contracted (& when all goes well, maybe life-) partner with EQUAL right in the partnership contract | Posted: at 22-01-2012 03:08 PM (12 years ago) | Upcoming | |
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![-]( "oliyide") oliyide at 22-01-2012 03:19 PM (12 years ago) (m) Why won`t she keep friends, maintain her old friends and get into new friendship?
is she your slave like in the old Africa?
she ist only a contracted (& when all goes well, maybe life-) partner with EQUAL right in the partnership contract
no one say she is a slave and no one says she should not make new friends or be in touch with her old friend. we are talking about someone with whom she had been segxwally and emotionally involved with. if they still maintain what they call friendship in quote it has 99% chances of sparking up old flames without warning. | Posted: at 22-01-2012 03:19 PM (12 years ago) | Newbie | |
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![-]( "interpo77") interpo77 at 22-01-2012 03:38 PM (12 years ago) (m) i send any one b4?make the chatt n feel the b4 in it | Posted: at 22-01-2012 03:38 PM (12 years ago) | Gistmaniac | |
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![-]( "tmaxdon") tmaxdon at 22-01-2012 04:17 PM (12 years ago) (m) honestly speaking,
i,ll say, wot is not rgt ain,t rgt,some said No big deal, others said once yoh married datz it.bottom line is it,s absolutely wrong,it,z a bad previledge,( wen u talk bout EX) mind u, 95% of them involves SEX,meaning @ one point in time, they ave slept with each other,so be honest guyz, will u enjoy ur legally married wife to be chattg with her Ex, knowing fully they were ones segxwal matez, commmmmmon! Igbo Man go say..(tófíá ápá), Yoruba man will say ( Ólórún máá jéé) Hausa man go say,(Dán bó róóón bááá)
Mind u, other way round, wooo-un-to-men (women) will not take it laying downnnnnnnnnn ábí....
Your comment is from your heart and you also think properly...Na true yan ... | Posted: at 22-01-2012 04:17 PM (12 years ago) | Upcoming | |
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![-]( "tmaxdon") tmaxdon at 22-01-2012 04:30 PM (12 years ago) (m) Well, I still maintain a very close relationship with my ex-girl friend even after she abandoned me for a more accomplished man during our final year at the
University. She thought I was just a players and so she left when another man showed up during our last days at sch and got pregnant. But that man prove to
be even more of a player than she had thought and left her while she was still pregnant. That was when she started looking for me and sending letters
that I shouldnt see her as a foe. I still love her cos she is one kind of a girl that is rare to come by but I dont know how to Father a child that is not mine especially now that I left town and have not seen her face to face for a long time only through text and calls.
I WANT advice from Pals too
Bros,for the girl to have left you for another man when you were in school she can still do the same in the future(i.e abandon your marriage for another,if you end up marrying her)..Just move on with your life like a man...if she is truly a kind of girl that is rare to come by she wouldn't have done what she did and that is the mistake most girls makes,so she is not different from other girls try something else for you to know that there is someone special and better than your Ex-girlfriend and don't trust a girl too much in your future relationship..Don't go back to her,a bigger heartbreak might come in the future from your relationship with her.. | Posted: at 22-01-2012 04:30 PM (12 years ago) | Upcoming | |
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My hussy can chat with his ex, but to some extent o if nt eh “bush meat go catch hunter oooooooo“
I bet u, when u wan chop cake, na then u go knw say oven dey. | Posted: at 22-01-2012 04:37 PM (12 years ago) | Gistmaniac | |
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![-]( "Prinzce") Prinzce at 22-01-2012 04:39 PM (12 years ago) (m) no one say she is a slave and no one says she should not make new friends or be in touch with her old friend. we are talking about someone with whom she had been segxwally and emotionally involved with. if they still maintain what they call friendship in quote it has 99% chances of sparking up old flames without warning.
sup bruh,
thanks!
however, I understood the question perfectely
The word "allow" to a typical (fellow) Nigerian man in the context of his relationship with his wife or girlfriend means nothing other than -a man`s authority- with respect to the definition of family or segxwal relationship in African understanding that is historically best-funded and in modern days, to a great extent rooted in Parson`s family theory. Let`s leave it at that!
Let`s consider marriage from the legal, socio-economic and socio-historical perspectives within the portfolio of global marriage market:
Marriage as a (social) contract
Marriage as a (social) institution
Marriage as a union (not in religious context)
You understand here that marriage is a partnership contract/union/institution between two adults with a quarantee of equal rights between the partners
Wether it holds between two males, two females, one male or one female with a pet (domestic animal) or between a man and a woman like in the case of Nigeria... is left for the state`s constitution/marriage law to define.
Based on the above, it then tranlate that no one partner is above or below the other or has the right to choose friends for the other; be it ex or not. No partner has the right to make decisions for the other. There is always room for disagreements and agreements. Where it fails, breaking up the partnership deal remains the only option.
I`m not ignorant of the position of the Bible as some might like to quote Bible passages: "Wives submitt to your husband" "what God has joined together..." "..." or Mohammedaist marrige traditions
My argument is based on legal, social, economic and social historical global marriage market understanding of the concept. | Posted: at 22-01-2012 04:39 PM (12 years ago) | Upcoming | |
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![-]( "Hitdemup") Hitdemup at 22-01-2012 05:10 PM (12 years ago) (m) O boy keep your wife as far away as possible from her ex, You know why? coz de road wey u pass b/4 no go hard to pass again | Posted: at 22-01-2012 05:10 PM (12 years ago) | Newbie | |
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![-]( "oliyide") oliyide at 22-01-2012 05:15 PM (12 years ago) (m)
sup bruh,
thanks!
however, I understood the question perfectely
The word "allow" to a typical (fellow) Nigerian man in the context of his relationship with his wife or girlfriend means nothing other than -a man`s authority- with respect to the definition of family or segxwal relationship in African understanding that is historically best-funded and in modern days, to a great extent rooted in Parson`s family theory. Let`s leave it at that!
Let`s consider marriage from the legal, socio-economic and socio-historical perspectives within the portfolio of global marriage market:
Marriage as a (social) contract
Marriage as a (social) institution
Marriage as a union (not in religious context)
You understand here that marriage is a partnership contract/union/institution between two adults with a quarantee of equal rights between the partners
Wether it holds between two males, two females, one male or one female with a pet (domestic animal) or between a man and a woman like in the case of Nigeria... is left for the state`s constitution/marriage law to define.
Based on the above, it then tranlate that no one partner is above or below the other or has the right to choose friends for the other; be it ex or not. No partner has the right to make decisions for the other. There is always room for disagreements and agreements. Where it fails, breaking up the partnership deal remains the only option.
I`m not ignorant of the position of the Bible as some might like to quote Bible passages: "Wives submitt to your husband" "what God has joined together..." "..." or Mohammedaist marrige traditions
My argument is based on legal, social, economic and social historical global marriage market understanding of the concept.
I get your point my brother but the truth is that you cannot force anyone to do anything in the real sense of it. My point is that it is not healthy and can lead to heartbreak or breakup as you just said. Even the contract you spoke about does not leave room for one to cheat on the other but has given an option for a breakup. Why allow yourself do things that will cause you heartbreak when you could easily have done away with it by simply keeping away. Because I know how it can end and also cherish my relationship that is why i will ask my wife to stay off and let her know I do not approve of it not because I don't trust her but because it is easy to slip with an ex with whom you had shared everything. If she does ignores me and continue I won't fight her over it but the very day I realize and come to know they had slipped I will take a walk and not look back (i don't believe in divorce but believe me I will take a walk). We're talking about the heart here. | Posted: at 22-01-2012 05:15 PM (12 years ago) | Newbie | |
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![-]( "modavi") modavi at 22-01-2012 05:31 PM (12 years ago) (f) A Rastafarian proverb says:"A new broom sweeps clean,but an old broom knows all d corners" so,considering dis,no married woman should think she is a superwoman to overcome some urges or feelings dat ll come as a result of the communication between herself n her ex---u might want to try out those things u both use to do. | Posted: at 22-01-2012 05:31 PM (12 years ago) | Upcoming | |
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![-]( "Patode") Patode at 22-01-2012 05:40 PM (12 years ago) (m) No way. The ex can always invoke OKAFOR's law. | Posted: at 22-01-2012 05:40 PM (12 years ago) | Upcoming | |
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![-]( "Manjaro") Manjaro at 22-01-2012 06:45 PM (12 years ago) (m) My answer and opinion is no. But she should be committed to our union. Ex bf is different from a casual friend or colleagues. She should do αll the talking with me and everything. Poster: good idea ƒor a dating relationship and is going to be part of my principle. If you don't like it or understand me,then our relationship is not going to last. How would you feel if i maintain chat or talk with my ex gf. Bad perhaps! Rather than thinking about you every minute but i will divert my attention to somewhere else. Since we were both on the same line and i got it and he missed it, no need to have any talk with him again. It breeds room ƒor temptation.
Discover the secret to burnfat N having a flat tummy. www.bit.ly/fitness1010 www.bit.ly/fitness1000 | Posted: at 22-01-2012 06:45 PM (12 years ago) | Newbie | |
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![-]( "soup") soup at 22-01-2012 07:05 PM (12 years ago) (f) will be back | Posted: at 22-01-2012 07:05 PM (12 years ago) | Newbie | |
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![-]( "Prinzce") Prinzce at 22-01-2012 07:20 PM (12 years ago) (m) I get your point my brother but the truth is that you cannot force anyone to do anything in the real sense of it. My point is that it is not healthy and can lead to heartbreak or breakup as you just said. Even the contract you spoke about does not leave room for one to cheat on the other but has given an option for a breakup. Why allow yourself do things that will cause you heartbreak when you could easily have done away with it by simply keeping away. Because I know how it can end and also cherish my relationship that is why i will ask my wife to stay off and let her know I do not approve of it not because I don't trust her but because it is easy to slip with an ex with whom you had shared everything. If she does ignores me and continue I won't fight her over it but the very day I realize and come to know they had slipped I will take a walk and not look back (i don't believe in divorce but believe me I will take a walk). We're talking about the heart here.
A quite clear argument
Many Nigerian men will ally to your position, I know :-) That has a lot to do with socialtradition and culture. In Africa, not just in Nigeria, you might agree with me that most partners that break up end up becoming "enemies" in the sense that they do wipe all contacts with each other, they don`t talk to each other anymore etc. If any woman breakes up with her man and still has good contacts with him, the society thinks otherwise because it is, to the sight of the society, not "normal"
Again, because of the very wide gap between boys and girls in Africa, parners tend to beeing extremly protective and possessive in marriage. Boys and girls are forbidden by the societal norms and morality to socialized normally with each other (abnormal socialism). This has great effects on individual lives of adults and in relationships and families. Sex education is not a topic in Nigerian high schools not even at the higher lernings. The natural pressure for sex grows as one grows. Many Nigerian youths desire sex but have no access to it due to abnormal socialism, societal norms, religion etc. Due to unsatisfied sex life, people become, for instance, more adventurious about sex and take the REAR sex oppotunities they have to enjoy it maybe with ex cos it might be easier.
Religion has widened this gap the more and goes on to subject the woman under the authority of the man, thereby making the man a tyrant and the woman an inferrior subject (hierarchy) which was partly why I used the word slave earlier. In reality, over 60% of Nigerian women are slaves in the marriages. To worsen it all, the societal traditions and religion do not allow for divorce.
This constellation builds a "wrong and sick" mindset and mentality that make us want to cage control our women like a senior commander would do to his squad in military camp.
Keeping cordial relationships with exes is a normal and common practice in Europe. It`s even seen as social competence. The cordial relationship between exes are not kept secret.
It doesn`t rule out the fact that exes might engage in segxwal activities but that is not common in societies where male & female children and youth are well sicialised.
Lastly, one can do little or nothing about it as both parties in marriage are dependent but at the same time independent of each other.
| Posted: at 22-01-2012 07:20 PM (12 years ago) | Upcoming | |
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![-]( "Ifemylove") Ifemylove at 22-01-2012 09:08 PM (12 years ago) (f) 2 me , i will say it's nt a gud tin seeing ur ex wen u r married 2 som1 else.... | Posted: at 22-01-2012 09:08 PM (12 years ago) | Gistmaniac | |
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![-]( "shon") shon at 22-01-2012 09:39 PM (12 years ago) (f) I think it's fine to keep in touch with your exes as long as there is no feelings left between the two of you and you're able to be mature about the situation. My ex-husband and I were good friends before we got married and had a daughter. But the relationship didn't work and we got divorced. We are still close, i love him as a friend, and we talk all the time. He is with someone else and I am too and we all get along, not only for my daughter's sake, but because we aren't jealous hearted or mean spirited. It can be done. | Posted: at 22-01-2012 09:39 PM (12 years ago) | Newbie | |
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![-]( "Swtezvikky") Swtezvikky at 22-01-2012 10:16 PM (12 years ago) (f) No be small mata o,naijapals dudes dey vex. | Posted: at 22-01-2012 10:16 PM (12 years ago) | Gistmaniac | |
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oliyide
Prinzce
interpo77
chicanorose
modavi
Patode
Manjaro
Ifemylove
shon
Swtezvikky
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